The Site For B-Movie Lovers

Archive for June, 2012

If bad denotes “Low budget” I suggest FUBAR with Paul Spence and David Lawence.

Yes Johnny, you should watch this movie.

Well, I have seen it, but but it is a great suggestion. Folks, and if you like metal and like laughing then watch FUBAR.

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Colossus – The Forbin Project (1970) – Skynet Before Skynet was Cool

Wow… Why had I not watched this movie earlier?

I just finished watching this 1970 sci-fi film and am kind of blown away. This is a great film.

The U.S. government unveils Colossus, a sophisticated computer system designed to take the element of Human error out of the defense system. Colossus, designed by computer genius, Dr. Charles Forbin (is the most sophistcated computer ever created. Installed deep beneath a mountain, all of the United States defence systems are put under it’s control, to keep America safe from outside threats. Soon after activation, Colossus (which turns out to be even more intelligent and sophisticated than any one imagined), detects the presence of another, similar system in the USSR. Soon the two systems manage to communicate with each other, and merge as one, global computer system that controls the entire military might or the U.S.A. and the Soviet Union. Taking it’s initial program literaly, it decides that it must dominate mankind in order to eliminate the threat of war.

Quickly demonstrating it’s seriousness by a number of missile launches and nuclear detonations,  it is soon obvious that the world is at the mercy of this massively powerful system.  Attempts to deactivate or destroy the system are countered quickly, and those Colossus deems guilty of the attempts are quickly killed. 

Based on the book, the Forbin Project, this is a piece of solid science fiction that seems to be fading from the global consciousness, which is a pity, because I believe that this is the germ of the idea that blossomed into the Terminator series – Colossus is a direct descendent of Skynet.

Good acting and a tense plot makes this compelling watching. I also dig the 1970s look to high tech. If you get a chance and are a fan of science fiction then I say this is a must watch. That’s not too hard to do, as the whole movie is available freely on Youtube – that link to be found below the trailer.

Check out the trailer below:

And here is the whole movie:


Juan of the Dead (2011) – Anti-Revolution Zombie Movie From Cuba

Well, this movie was a refreshing surprise: a foreign made Zombie film from Cuba that feels fresh. Fresh is hard to do with a genre like Zombie movies, but it was accomplished here. Filmed in Spanish with English subtitles, I had to stay alert, as Spanish is spoken faster than English and the subtitles didn’t stay on the screen long – luckily I have no issues with this, but I think a lazy reader might have issues – too bad: go back to school.

Taking place in modern day Cuba, Juan, a local popular lothario and his buddy, the bumbling Lazaro, low level dissidents looking to make a profit in a society that eschews such things, finds money making opportunities when Cuban society is hit with a massive zombie outbreak. The film starts with Juan and Lazaro floating on a raft, fishing with little or no luck until he hooks what appears to be a corpse, but turn out to be a zombie. This sets the stage for the rest of the movie, and also introduces us to Lazaro’s bumbling response with any sort of a weapon. over the next few scenes we get to know Juan and Lazaro through their interactions with each other and those around them. This movie has a great look to it and seems unique – this probably has a lot to do with the fact that it comes from Cuba – I don’t think that I have ever seen a film from Cuba before, let alone a zombie movie from Cuba. 

Juan, seizing an opportunity when his city is over run with Zombies: he starts a business where he and Lazaro kills (re-kills, I guess), for a profit, family members that have become Zombies. A booming business.

Eventually though, Juan and Lazaro’s friends and family start dwindling as more and more are either destroyed by Zombies or become Zombies themselves. This means Juan and Lazaro must make decisions as to how they want to proceed.  

I’m not going to say any more about the story, as it is a good one and I believe the only way I can do it justice is by telling you to see the movie. An original Zombie movie is rare. An original Zombie movie that is actually good is even rarer. Give this one a shot, as it really deserves it.

Check out the trailer here:




Killdozer (1974) – Made for TV Cheeze That Brings Back Memories

Killdozer was a 1984 ABC made for TV movie about an American construction crew working on a small island off the West coast of Africa building an airstrip that become victims to one of their heavy bulldozers that becomes possessed by an ancient force that fell from space a long time ago. 

The movies starts with a shot of a meteorite (meteor at that point, I think), plunging to Earth, coming to rest on the island. Next, we cut to modern (1974) day where the Mack, (played by a young Robert Urich), a member of the construction crew runs into trouble while trying to move a strange metallic rock. Unable to move it, his  Foreman Kelly (Clint Walker, tries, but when the blade of the bull dozer makes contack with the rock, a blue light emanates from the rock, jumping to the blade of the dozer, and throwing Mack in to convulsions, that later end with his death. Soon the remainig crew are picked off one by one by this possessed bull dozer. They try to survive, why looking for a way top stop the mechanical monster.

I know the premise sounds stupid (no, is stupid), but I watched this originally as a kid and it really stuck in my mind – especially the epic battle between an excavator and the bull dozer – fun stuff. This isn’t an amazing piece of film history, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. The acting, while not stellar, is acceptable – and at just under an hour and 10 minutes, it won’t take much time from your life.

I’ve just discovered that the whole film is available on Youtube, and have included a link to that below.

Here’s the trailer:

And look what I found here: the whole damned movie on Youtube:


Johnny Dangerously (1984) – This Movie is Fargin Funny

I haven’t seen this movie since it was in the theatre. I forgot how funny it is. So stupidly funny that I am really surprised that I hadn’t re-watched it since. Actually, I’m surprised that it doesn’t get mentioned more often when people speak of funny movies. Starring a very young Michael Keaton as Johnny Kelly (a.k.a. Johnny Dangerously), a good kid that turns to crime in order to pay for him mother’s operations for various outlandish ailments.

The movie starts with Johnny working in a pet store where a boy tries to steal a puppy and is quckly aprehended by Johnny. Johnny then procedes to tell the boy how crime doesn’t pay, and through a flasback, we are presented with the guts of the movie. Johnny joins Jocko Dundee’s (played by Peter Boyle) gang and quickly rises to the top by proving himself in the constant battles between Jocko’s gang and their rival, the hilarious butcher of the English language Roman Moronie. Eventually Johnny takes over the gang when Jocko (played by the late Peter Boyle) retires after a silly assassination attempt. Johnny’s little brother Tommy (played by Griffin Dunne), in the meantime has grown up and become the assistant district attorney, Hell bent on fighting crime. When the crooked D.A. (District Attorney), played by the always funny Danny Devito, fails to corrupt Tommy, he tries but fails, to kill him by tampering with his car. When the D.A. dies in a silly manner a short while later, Tommy assumes the role of D.A. and cranks up his war on crime, eventually defeating Moronie and having him deported to Sweden… With Moronie gone, Tommy turns his focus on Johnny Dangerously’s gang. See, Tommy has no idea that his brother Johnny is actually the crime boss known as Johnny Dangerously. When he finds out, Tommy confronts his brother. Things work out between the two, and Johnny decides to disband the gang and go legit.When he breaks the news to the gang, things don’t go so well, when gang member an general douche bag Danny Vermin (played by rarely funny man Joe Piscopo) refuses to go quietly. Framing Johnny for the murder of the Governor and getting him sent to the big house, Vermin finds himself in charge of the gang, while Johnny looks to get out with the help of his girlfriend (played by Marilu Henner).

If you haven’t seen this movie and enjoy quirky comedy and stupid puns then watch this. In fact, if you have a sense of humour at all watch this. Johnny Dangerously is a cute, silly comedy that deserves a lot more credit than it gets. It has a solid cast and respectable writing making it a good movie (I know: then what the hell is it doing on this site? Shut up…).

Here’s a funny clip of the bad guy, Moroni talking to a henchman:


And here’s an early theatrical trailer:



Runaway (1984) – Tom Selleck VS. Gene Simmons and His Evil Robots

The 1980s had some weird movies. This is one.

In the near future, personal robots are everywhere. So much so that the police department has a group just to deal with Runaways – robots that malfunction and cannot be controlled. Tom Selleck’s character, Ramsay, is a member of that team. Gene Simmons is an evil genious that has some really bad microchips that he wants to sell to the highest bidder (terrorists). He uses robots and technology to get his way – Hell he has an army of cool, bug-like robots to do his bidding especially.

This is an adaptation of Michael Crichton’s novel of the same name. I have to say that it is better than I expected, especially with the fact that the main bad guy is played by cheeze master Gene Simmons, Bass Player and co-leader of the rock group, KISS. The effects, for the time, are pretty cool, especially the bug robots, and the story is interesting.

I’m going to cheap out and past the Wikipedia info for the movie to give you a clearer idea of the plot of the movie – that of course will include a plot spoiler – sorry. Here’s the plot summary from the Wikipedia entry:

Typical for Crichton’s work, Runaway deals with the devastating and sinister consequences of allowing complextechnology to run our lives. The film is set in the near future, where robots are commonplace – as much a part of everyday life as any other electrical appliance. Like other electrical appliances, they are prone to malfunctions. However, when a robot malfunctions, it could pose some form of threat to people and/or property. Such robots are known as “runaways”. As runaways are somewhat more dangerous than the average damaged machine, they are not handled by the manufacturers’ support personnel but by local divisions of the police force trained in robotics. As the beginning of the film shows, the “runaway” squad, however, is treated as mostly an easy and unexciting assignment, often ridiculed.

Sgt. Jack R. Ramsay (Selleck) is a veteran police officer who joined the runaway squad after discovering his previously unknown acrophobia, which resulted in the death of a family at the hands of a man he let escape. After years on the job, however, Jack has found himself one of the profession’s few real experts. His new partner, Karen Thompson (Rhodes), is bright and enthusiastic about the job, but he assures her there is little excitement involved. Mostly all it involves is flipping a switch. This changes when they find themselves handling an unforeseen problem – the first robot facilitated homicide. In the aftermath of dealing with a household robot murdering a family with a kitchen knife and somehow getting access to a handgun, Jack stumbles upon integrated circuits which not only override a robot’s safety features, but direct it to attack humans. These devices are discovered to be not hacked chips, but created from a series of mastertemplates, enabling them to be mass-produced.

Despite being unable to learn anything productive from uncooperative informants who end up dead, Ramsay refuses to be deterred, and soon discovers the perpetrator is megalomaniacal and sociopathic genius Dr. Charles Luther (Simmons). Luther, while working for a robotics defense contractor, developed a program that allows a robot to thermographically identify a human form amidst significant cover, and even differentiate between individual humans. Seeing the obvious profit potential in this program, he decided to kill his fellow researchers and sell the technology on the black market. After a botched attempt to arrest Luther, Thompson is left with an unexploded bullet in her arm which Ramsay successfully extracts. Fortunately the attempted arrest reveals information about one of Luther’s weapons, smart bullets – miniature heat seeking missiles that lock onto an individual human target’s unique heat signature, pursuing them wherever they run, even around corners.

While investigating one of Luther’s dead cohorts, Ramsay and Thompson come across Jackie Rogers (Alley), who is found to have once been Luther’s lover, and now partner in crime. However, she double-crossed him and stole the circuit templates, intending to sell them herself. But she is scared now because she believes Luther will stop at nothing to kill her, unless he gets the templates. When Ramsay and Thompson create a ruse to transfer Jackie to safety, Luther attacks the police convoy with freeway-running robotic smart bombs. They discover that the bombs are locked in on a bug in Jackie’s purse and manage to ditch it before the bombs exploded. Ramsay decides to make a public appearance with Jackie at a restaurant to draw Luther out, but Luther captures Thompson and wants Ramsay to exchange her for Jackie and the templates. Before making the exchange, Jackie tears some of the templates off and hands them to Ramsay, for insurance that Luther won’t kill her. But Luther kills her anyway, discovers the template aren’t all there, fires some of his smart bullets into the crowded restaurant and flees.

In an attempt to get the missing templates, Luther hatches a plan to attack Ramsay. He enters the police station and uses the computers to discover everything about Ramsay’s personal life, including his son. Once Ramsay discovers his personal information has been hacked, he and Thompson race to his home to find his personal robot damaged and his son, Bobby (Cramer), missing. A phone call from Luther confirms he kidnapped Bobby and wants to exchange him for the missing templates. Ramsay then makes a deal with Luther to meet at an unfinished skyscraper for the exchange. Luther gets the templates and sends Ramsay’s son down to street level in an elevator, awaited by a legion of assassin robots – spider-like robots no larger than loaves of bread which climb walls and ceilings to reach their targets, murder them by injecting acid into their veins, then explosively self-destruct, leaving no evidence. Thompson, despite agreeing not to interfere, arrives in time and slips past the spiders and helps Bobby stay above the reach of the robots. Luther turns on Ramsay with fury, firing smart bullets, but Ramsay turns on many of the automatic construction equipment, creating multiple heat sources which cause the bullets to miss the mark, and Ramsay uses this to get close to fight with Luther, hand-to-hand. After a pitched fight, Ramsay pushes Luther over the side, and the inventor lands on his back, in the midst of his robot spiders. Programmed to kill whoever came down from above, the robots rush Luther, injecting acid into his body in a dozen places.

Ramsay and Thompson help Bobby down from above, and Ramsay cautiously approaches the seemingly dead body of Luther. Luther reaches up to grab Ramsay and screams, but falls back, dying. Ramsay retreats as fire flares around Luther as the spiders self-destruct. Ramsay and Thompson have a laugh and embrace, kissing.

If you have the time, I say go ahead and watch this film as it was a fun distraction – even with Gene Simmons. Oh, and keep an eye out for a then very hot Kirstie Alley as Simmon’s throw away girlfriend, Jackie Rogers.

Here’s the Trailer:


Mazes and Monsters (1982) – Tom Hanks Walks on The Nerdy Side of the Tracks

Way back in the early 1980s there was a gaming craze that was gathering popularity – Roll Playing games, and the number one game of that genre was (and still is) called Dungeons and Dragons. Like any craze that involves youths using there imagination to envision something fantastic, there were people with too much time on their hands that had to put their nose in others business and tell them that fantasy roll playing games were dangerous. Hell, they would lead to youths descending into a fantasy world in their mind and never come back. Mazes and Monsters is a movie that attempts to warn one of these evils – like the anti-drug movies of the 1950s and 1960s.

Starring one time famous Canadian actor, Chris Makepeace (of Meatballs fame) and then star of the popular sitcom Bosom Buddies, Tom Hanks – yes, that Tom Hanks. This isn’t Tom Hanks first movie, as that dubious distinction goes to the movie, He Knows You’re Alone. Still, I doubt he talks about this film much. 

So, what can I say about this amazing piece of Canadian made movie obscurity? Aside from it’s terrible? Not very much, I guess.

Four friends gather together to play a popular roll playing game called Mazes and monsters. Pretty normal, but one of them, the misfit rich kid, played by Chris Makepeace discovers some near by caves and suggests that they take their game to the next level – Larping. What is Larping? Larping stand for Live Action Roll Playing – that’s when nerds get together and dress up as their roll playing characters and act out their roll playing game. Well that’s what they decide to do. Unfortunately the experience sends Tom Hanks’ already mentally delicate character over the edge into a world were he believes he is his character. Tom then takes off for New York to complete a fantasy quest that is in his mind – sending him into danger – Oh and he messes up a bum in an alleyway who he perceives to be a dragon – Yeah…

So, his friends have to find and save him, which of course ends in a nail biting race against time.   

This movie is very silly, and has definitely not aged well. That being said, it is interesting to see Tom Hanks so early in his career – he has come a long way since then. At lease it’s easy to find the movie: it’s available in full on Youtube. Check it out if you can stomach it.

Here is a clip of Tom Hanks freaking out:

And here’s the entire movie, in all it’s cheezy glory: