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Archive for November, 2012

Hollywood Boulevard (1976) – How Can Such a Piece of Crap Be So Fun?

1976’s film, Hollywood Boulevard, is a spoof of the cheezy, low budget crapfest 

movies of the 60’s and 70’s made by the king of Drive-In B-Movies, Roger Corman – and it is all fun.

This movie popped up on Netflix as a recommendation after watching a series of low budget flicks. I had less than 2 hours to watch a movie, and this was 82 minutes long, so it was a perfect fit – I loved it. 

The premiise of the movie? A young want to be actress moves to Hollywood to become a star (Candice Rialson as Candy Wednesday). She eventually lands a role in a really low budget film as a stunt woman, which leads to a roll as an actress in a Filipino Exploitation film. One issue though: Some one is killing the actors on the sets of these movies, and everyone is trying to find out who. Much of this movie is compiled from scenes from past Roger Corman films (something he did many times), making it EVEN lower budget. Also, it stars Mary Woronov as Mary McQueen and Paul Bartel as Eric Von Leppe.

I’m going to cheat and paste in the Wilipedia description of this film – yeah, I am:

In a prologue, pompous film director Eric Von Leppe (Paul Bartel) is shooting a skydiving sequence for low-budget Miracle Pictures in which an actress is killed. Candy Wednesday (Candice Rialson) arrives in Los Angeles to make it as an actor. She gets an agent, Walter Paisley (Dick Miller), but struggles to find work until she inadvertently gets involved in a bank robbery as a getaway driver. This gets her a job for Miracle Pictures as a stunt driver. She meets Eric Von Leppe, temperamental starlet Mary McQueen (Mary Woronov), sleazy producer PG (Roger Doran) and friendly scriptwriter, Pat (Jeffrey Kramer). Candy and Pat fall in love and she starts to get work as an actor, becoming friends with fellow starlets Bobbi (Rita George) and Jill (Tara Strohmeier).

Everyone goes to the Philippines to make a movie, Machete Maidens of Mora Tau, starring Candy, Mary, Bobbi and Jill. Candy has to play a character who is raped which upsets her. Later on during the shoot, Jill, Bobbi and PG have a threesome. During the filming of a battle sequence, Jill is shot dead by an unseen attacker.

Back in the US, Candy, Walter and Pat all go to see Machete Maidens at a local drive in, where the projectionist tries to rape Candy but she is rescued by Walter. While shooting a chase scene in a science fiction film, Mary, Candy and Jill are almost killed in a car accident. Jill is called back to the studio late at night and is stabbed to death.

Candy begins to suspect Patrick is the killer. But it turns out the real culprit is Mary. She tries to kill Candy at the Hollywood Sign but it falls on her and crushes her to death. Candy is reunited with Pat and becomes a film star.

This is silly, stupid and so cheap. 

I loved it.

Unable to find the trailer, here are a series of clips put to Beethoven:


Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011) – Thank You Mr. Cage For Making a New Movie I Don’t Hate

I remember watching the first Nicholas Cage Ghost Rider movie back in 2007 and being really disappointed. I put off watching this movie for quite a while. Well it turns out that I shouldn’t have – This movie was pretty Damned good.

In Spirit of Vengeance Johnny Blaze (aka Ghost Rider aka Nicolas Cage) is recruited by a bad-ass butt-kicking, wine drinking, motorcycling weird, intense eyed french priest (or something) by the name of Moreau (played very effectively by Idris Elba) to save a child from a group of paramilitary that seem pretty intent on getting this kid. What will Johnny Blaze get out of this deal? He’ll finally have this crazy Ghost Rider curse/possession lifted from him. He gets to it right away. Oh, and the Kid’s name is Danny.

Right off the bat Danny and his mother, Nadya (played by Violante Placido) and Danny are being forced off the road and then smacked around in a pre-we’re-about-to-kidnap-your-son-and-shoot-you bout of violence. All of a sudden, here come Ghost Rider, and he is ass-kicking mad. He’s always ass-kicking mad. Taking out most of the bad guys, while giving  Nadia and Danny the time they need to get away. He takes a grenade induced beating, at the same time, but gets the job done. Turns out, Danny’s mom made a deal with Roarke (The Devil, in case you’re not aware, and played this time out by Ciarán Hinds who does a great job), agreeing to carry Roarke’s child, in order for Roarke to transfer his essence into the boy at the age 13, as his mortal body is failing. Nadya is doing whatever she can to keep Roarke from getting to the child. Moreau’s religious sect are also working to prevent Roarke’s transfer to the boy – but they want a more permanent resolution other than hiding the boy.

I don’t want to give away too much of the story, so I’ll say this: If you wanted the original Ghost Rider to be good and were disappointed, then this movie is for you. I have like Nicolas Cage for years, but lately almost all of his movies have been pretty much crap – I am so glad to say that I like this movie. This Ghost Rider movie seems to have more of a story, and feels a lot more comic book like – which is good, as Ghost Rider is a comic book character. 

Nicholas Cage not only reprises his roll as the Demonically possessed Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider in 2011’s Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, he actually redeems that roll with this movie. Yes, this is the kick ass Marvel Movie the Ghost Rider deserved the first time out. 

I say watch it.

Here is the trailer:

Toy Soldiers (1991) – Redeemed

You know, I watched this movie back in 1991 or 1992 and remember being very disappointed with it. Well, I used to drink and I’ll chalk up my original opinion to that fact, because after just watching it again, I am pleasantly surprised on how much better a movie it seems to me now.

Toy Soldiers tells the tale of a group of students at a boarding school that are taken hostage by the son of the Colombian Cali Cartel’s leader after his father is captured and extradited to the United States for prosecution. Demanding the release of the Cartel leader or they will start executing the students, the terrorists quickly get control of the school and booby trap it against an incursion. A small group of students , led by Billy Tepper (played by Sean Astin) and Joey Trotta (played by Wil Wheaton) decide to try and fight back by collecting information on the terrorists and getting that information to the authorities on the other side of the school’s walls. Using that information, the authotites decide to move in, but only after The Dean, Edward Parker (played by Lou Gossett Jr.) convinces the military that Billy Tepper can be trusted.

This is an action packed movie with plenty of drama and suspense. Not an award winner or anything, but still a solid film. Like I stated at the beginning of this write up, I didn’t even like this movie when I first saw it, but I am glad I gave it a second chance.

Check out the trailer here:

How To Be A Serial Killer (2008) – A Must Or A Must Not See, But Only You Can Decide Which One It IS

I am mildly disturbed  by how entertaining I found this movie, seeing as it kind of makes light of a serial killer and his protege. Okay, not kind of, but does in fact make light of a serial killer and his protege.

2008’s How To Be A Serial Killer is the story of a serial killer,Mike Wilson (played by Dameon Clarke) who decides to teach his trade to a down trodden Video store clerk, Bart (played by Mathew Gray Gubler of Criminal Minds fame) as a way to improve his life. He takes Bart on a roller coaster of a class in what it takes to be a serial killer, and how life affirming being a serial killer is. I know: that’s so completely and utterly wrong on all levels. Yet there it is. And there is this movie. A movie I found witty and funny and so utterly dark, all at the same time. That can’t be easy to do, can it?

Mike, the serial killer brings us the movie in sections with an introduction for each part. In these introductions, we find Mike on a stage in a role that that seems some where in between a motivational speaker and an actor in a self indulgent one man play. Also, we are sometimes interrupted by a Dr. Goldberg (played by the very familiar George Wyner) who will explain a trait that is prevalent in serial killers, right before cutting away to a scene that demonstrates the very same trait. 

Writer/Director Luke Rici created something very unique in this film and for that I think he should be very proud. That said, though there are many people I now that I would not feel comfortable recommending this to – but that is okay, as this film isn’t meant for them. If you can get past this whole twisted, dark idea and watch this movie with an open mind, then I recommend this movie for you.

Here’s the trailer:

Silent House (2011) – Creepy, But Lacking

Staring Elizabeth Olsen (younger sister of the Olsen Twins,Mary-Kate and Ashley of Full House Fame, Silent House is a mildly creepy movie that deals with repressed memories and past abuses.

A young lady acompanies her father and Uncle as they return to her childhood home to help restore it prior to selling it. While there, she is haunted with images and believes she hears people or things in the supposedly empty house. When bad things start happening, we are left wondering what’s real and what’s not.

This is one of those movies where if I say much more of the story or plot, then I would most likely give away the whole premise, and I won’t do that. I will say that the movie is creepy – just not overly compelling (to me – my wife liked it much more than I did).

Watch it? Sure, as it’s not that bad.

Here is a trailer – you decide if you want to watch it.

Dracula (Spanish Version – 1931) – Better Than Lugosi’s? Perhaps…

1931’s Spanish version of Universal’s Dracula is simply a masterpiece.

Filmed on the same set as the iconic Bela Lugosi led Dracula, but at night when the main shooting was done, the makers of this version had a big advantage: They watched the original being shot and were able to improve any shots that may not have been optimum in the English cut. The acting is top notch, and the sets… well the sets are Dracula sets. The film, being in Spanish was watched with subtitles, and Spanish is a language that I sometimes find too fast for subtitles – but not this time. The pace was perfect.

Apparently the use of the sets of big, English titles to film Spanish films for Universal was pretty normal (hell, it’s a great cost cutting measure), and I am sure there must have been some abominations created this way, but as stated, this is not one. I know that Lugosi’s Dracula is a masterpiece, and I don’t mean to take anything away from that, but I would think that this is better. Significantly better.

Want an interesting look at the classic tale of Dracula? Watch this movie. HEll, watch it here, in full:

Has Anyone Seen the 1989 Flick, Society? And If So, What Did You Think of It?

Hey folks, how are you today? Good I hope.

Anyway, I’ve had this movie suggested for me to watch by someone who hasn’t been very good with their suggestions of late. So what I thought I would do is ask you folks: Have you seen this movie, and if so, what do you think.

Here’s the trailer:

Grey Skies (2010) – Big Flash, Friend Gone Aliens Win

2010’s Grey Skies had the chance to be good but ended mediocre.

So a group of friends meet at a remote cottage for a weekend. We get introduced to three couples and a solo girl, find out how eveyone is related and relates to each other. Then at noght, they all enjoy the stars, see some shooting stars. Then shit gets weird.

One by one they are “possessed” by these aliens, while attempting to fight them off. You never really see the aliens clearly and most of the dirty work is done by the humans, controlled by aliens.

Not a great movie, but not the worst I’ve seen, just uninspired.

Here’s a trailer:

Zombie Babies (2011) – No. No! No! No! No!

Okay… so I watched this movie. Yep… I watched this movie.

My very good friend and movie watching buddy suggested we watch this micro budget film (made for less than $1000), after he read a review in Rue Morgue Magazine. Yep… And we watched it.

The gist of the story? A group of freaks are holding a budget “Abortathon” offering very low priced abortions for one night a year. A number of stupid couples decide to take them up on the offer. The babies are aborted, but a leaky still with a special mixture spills out on the pile of dead fetuses, causing them to become murderous, gross zombie creatures. The people that die die in stupid, horrible ways, but that’s okay as you’ll probably end up hating them anyway.

This whole movie should have been aborted.

Good on the makers for making a movie for under $1000, bad on them for making this movie for under $1000.

Don’t watch this piece of shit. If you have to, here’s the shitty trailer for this shitty movie.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978) – It’s Because of Movies Like This That This Blog Exists

If you haven’t watched Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (ATKT), and you are a reader of this blog, then you should stop reading now, watch the movie and then come back. I’ll wait here.

Okay, so now you’ve watched this movie, what do you think? Bad? Damn straight. Low budget? Oh hell yeah! Unwatchable? I wouldn’t necessarily say that.

So, 1978’s ATKT is a silly, low budget spoof on the low budget creature features that were being made willy-nilly in the 1970s. It seems like a exercise to see how lame a creature could be and still have people watch the film. I think they succeeded in this.

Basically, the story revolves around a group of scientists who have gathered together to try to come up with a defense against, aggressive, killer mutant tomatoes that have suddenly popped up, killing any human they come into contact with. A crack team is sent to look for chinks in the Tomato defenses – including a lieutenant who is dragging a parachute behind himself continuously (hell, he looks like he landed right out of World War II), And underwater expert who is continuously in a wet suit and a master of disguise who is anything but a master of disguise.

I’m not going to write a lot about this movie other than to say that despite it’s stupidity, and lameness, I liked this silly thing they called a movie. If you like bad movies, then this is a definite must watch… and it has the most awesome theme song.

Add this movie to your collection, folks.

Here is a trailer:

Sugar Hill (1974) – Funky Zombie Action

1974’s Blaxspoitation Zombie Film, Sugar Hill is very unique film. Born og the Grindhouse movement of the 60’s and 70’s, it’s part of a genre known as Blaxsploitation – low budget films, aimed at a black audience staring, cool, tough characters that the audience can get behind.

Sugar Hill is a a tough woman who has vowed to get revenge on the thugs that killed her boyfriend when he refused to pay tribute (or protection money) when they cam to extort it from him. Feeling powerless, Sugar asks the help of a local Voodoo Priestess. The priestess puts Sugar in communication with a figure from the underworld, who puts an army of Zombies at Sugar’s beckoning.

One by one you see the ones that beat Sugar’s man die at the hands of some of the cheeziest looking zombies I have ever seen. I guess they would be ok if it weren’t for the weird silver orbs over their eyes. That being said – this is a way better Zombie movie than I expected it to be. It’s good to see a force of evil (Zombies) used to defeat evil (mobster thugs), and an unusual twist at that. The acting isn’t great, but it is acceptable, and damn it, this is a fun movie. Should you watch it? I dunno… If you like these cheezy movies like I do, then yes.

Here is the trailer:

Mindwarp (1992) – Bruce Campbell Cheeziness to the Max

Mindwarp (also known as Brain Slasher) is a 1992 post environmental apocalypse sci-fi/horror film staring Bruce Campbell. Three groups of humans exist: those that were saved and brought to a complex, shielded from the destructive rays of the unshielded sun, and those forced to live outside. Most of those are mutants called Crawlers, who live in an underground, hellish society, coming to the surface to scavenge for old technology, and the occasional straggler to be captured and most often used for food, but occasionally used as breeding stock. The other, smaller group are regular humans, struggling to survive against the deadly sun and the evil crawlers – Bruce Campbell is one of this group. The movie surrounds a young lady who is part of the “lucky” group that is protected. She questions her existence as it is just comprised of sleeping and then being hooked up to the Infinisys sytem that allows them to enjoy a simulated reality of their choice, as there is nothing to do locked away from the outside. She hates it and rebels, getting herself expelled fron the safety of the indoors. Finding herself outdoors, she is quickly captured by crawlers, and almost as equally quickly rescued by our trusty hero, Bruce Campbell.

Bruce explains to her where she is and what exactly he saved her from. Then they make out and promptly both captured by crawlers and brought below to the subterranean world of the Crawlers. 

In this dank evil world, Bruce is relegated to a work gang, while the girl is brought to a room to be tested for breeding comparability  Here are back and forth skirmishes, they escape, get captured, escape again, get captured again. Then there’s a big twist when we find out who runs the Crawler world. Throw in a couple more little twist and then run the credits.

This is a typical early 90s Bruce Campbell film: low budget and cheezy dialogue. It’s silly, and yet I liked it – like I said, it’s got Bruce Campbell in it! If you’re a Bruce Campbell film then you know you have to see this film, and it is better than some of his other post Evil Dead movies.

Sorry folks, but I couldn’t find a trailer anywhere!

Food of the Gods (1976) – Well At Least There Was a Giant Chicken

Well, this was a movie.

1976’s Food of the Gods is the supposed to be the story of nature (or more precisely the Ecology) striking back at man for all that he has done to harm it. Okay… Morgan (played by Marjoe Gortner), who is a professional football player and some of his buddies head to an island that I believe is supposed to be in British Columbia, Canada for a relaxing hunting trip. One of the first things that happens, is one of the buddies is attacked by giant, very badly applied special effects wasps. Hell, it took me a bit to figure out that they were wasps, that’s how bad the special effect was. Anyway, the guy dies from the wasp attack. They find their way to a farmhouse on the island, looking for a phone to call emergency services. Getting no answer after knocking, Morgan notices some movement from a shed and goes to investigate. Man… he is immediately attacked by a giant, freakin’ chicken. That’s right: a giant chicken. And it’s quite the fight, too. So, after the chicken fight, the enter the house and are confronted by a gun wielding Mrs Skinner, who’s waiting for the return of her husband (who was killed by giant rats in an earlier scene I didn’t mention). Taking the gun from her, she tells the guys how she and Mr Skinner discovered a bubbling spring of a mysterious white liquid on their property. At  first they thought it might be oil, but once they figured that wasn’t the case they decided to mix it with chicken feed…and feed it to the chickens. They found out that when young chicks eat the stuff, that they call Food of the Gods, the chicks grow to be huge – like the one that attacked Morgan. Mr Skinner had planned to sell the rights to the stuff to get rich. Unfortunately, insects and mice and rats all got into the stuff too and now the island is over run with giant rats and mice and wasps and maggots… It’s a mess. Throw in a couple stranded when there Winnebago gets stuck, an selfish research scientist and his assistant and yo have a crazy, giant rat infested mess of a movie.

This movie isn’t very good, but it is fun. Fun if you like B-Movies, that is. The effects are terrible, but that’s what I expected. I don’t know if I would suggest this movie, but I’m glad I saw it.

Here’s the trailer:

The Lost Weekend (1945) – The Tale of A Hopeless Drunk

Okay, this is another movie that doesn’t belong on a site – this is an Academy Award winning film (really – I’m not being sarcastic), still it is an unusual film, and I watched it so I’m putting it here… Deal with it

The Lost Weekend is a great Billy Wilder film Noir staring Ray Milland (see my write up on The Thing With Two Heads), as Don Birman, once a young writer that was full of potential, now a down and out alcoholic, living off his brother, Wick (Phillip Terry) and doted on by a devoted girl friend Helen St. James (Jane Wyman), both of whom just want Don to leave the bottle behind and get on with his life. At the start of the film Wick and Don are getting ready to go off on a weekend vacation together, in order for Don to get away and relax (and escape the call of the bottle). Don, though has other plans and quickly connives Wick and Helen into leaving him alone while he “collects his thoughts.” Once they are gone, Don searches the apartment for ant possibly forgotten stashes of Rye whiskey (Wick had just found and emptied the one Don was sure of). Not finding any, he manages to screw the housekeeper out of her pay for the week ($10) and heads out, promptly purchasing two bottles of the cheapest rye, the to Nat’s Bar where he’s informed that he will receive no credit – Don pulls out some cash and pays for his booze – asking the bartender to let him know when it’s a certain time, so he can get back before Wick and Helen return. Of course being the big drunk he is, he ignores the bartender and is late. He arrives home in time to see his brother leave in a cab. Avoiding Helen, he heads to his apartment and begins a weekend bender.

Over the weekend, he tells the story to Bartender Nat of how he and Helen met at an opera when the coat check managed to swap their coat check tickets. We hear how he managed to stay sober for weeks, so in love with Helen that he is willing to try to go dry for her. Unfortunately, the stress of going to meet Helen’s parents sets him drinking again – a drinking binge that goes on… and on. Don manages to make and break a date with a prostitute that has a crush on him, visit a new bar, but run up a tab that he can’t afford (and steals a ladies purse to pay, but is caught and humiliated), and fall down a flight of stairs and end up in the alcoholic ward of a local hospital – of which he promptly escapes. We see him in the grips of Alcoholic hallucinations (the D.T.s)… This guy is a mess.

This is a story of someone at his lowest, but with people that still care for him. This is a story of the devotion of a loved one, unwilling to give up on the person they love. This is the story of a raging alcoholic. This is a good movie.

I watched it for free on Youtube, so hopefully it is now public domain, so you too can see it on Youtube. Search for it and you will most likely find it.

Check out the trailer here:

And the Whole Movie (for as long as the link lasts):

John Carter (2012)- Fun, But Fluffy

2012’s John Carter is based on the sci-fi/fantasy novels of Edgar Rice Burroughs (also known for creating Tarzan) about Mars (or “Barsoom” as it is called in his books) and the Adventures of Civil War Soldier, John Carter, who is transported there u willingly and unknowingly, only to become the savior of the good people or Barsoom.

The books are a wild fantasy ride that tells the tales of the peoples of Mars and their fights against oppression and evil. So is the book – just not in as compelling a manner. It’s fun – just fluffy. There are interesting points and a very sexy Martian princess. There are battles that look good… Pretty vacant, but it’s fun

This is a fun story, and it looks gorgeous. I believe that if you haven’t read the original books, then you will most likely enjoy this movie. That said, if you are a fan of the Barsoom adventures, you may want to avoid this one.

Here is the trailer:

The Terminal (2004) A Compelling, Fun Movie

**Thanks to Aby for this suggestion**

2004’s film, The Terminal stars Tom Hanks as Viktor Navorski, a native of Krakozia, who upon his arrival in the New York airport, JFK, finds that while he was flying, a coup broke out in his country and his nation is no longer recognized by the United States government, meaning his passport is not recognized, and therefore he cannot leave the Airport – at least until his county’s government is recognized.

This leads to Viktor with nothing to do but make a temporary life for himself in the airport. He has many things to surmount, like where will he get money for food, where will he sleep – you know: How will he live.

It turns out that Viktor is an intelligent, imaginative guy and he makes due, quite well. Along the way, he meets Catherine Zeta Jones, as an air hostess, and he falls for her, hard. That part of his adventure is a bit of a roller coaster. Persevering  and even finding a well paying, under the table job working construction with a crew renovating the airport, Viktor waits. He came to New York in order to complete a task his father had started, and out of respect Viktor is determined to complete (watch the movie to see what that is!). Much gets in his way, but Viktor is determined.

This is a feel good movie, and isn’t a bad movie – so don’t think that it is because I posted it here!

Check out the movie, and check out the trailer here:

The Thing With Two Heads (1972) – Two Heads Makes For Twice the Awesome

It has been a long time since I’ve last (and first) watched this movie, much to long. 1972’s The Thing With Two Heads stars Ray Milland as brilliant but racist surgeon Maxwell Kirchner who has perfected the whole head transplant and Roosevelt Grier as Jack Moss, the guy that ends up hosting the first “extra” head. First tested successfully when Kirschner transfer plants the head of one gorilla onto the body of another gorilla creating a two headed gorilla (well, a guy in a two headed gorilla suit). It takes two weeks for the transplanted head to become strong enough to control the host body and at that time Kirschner successfully removed the original host’s head. Viola:a whole head transplant. The timing of Kirschner’s medical breakthrough is perfect – for him: he’s got of terminal chest cancer… Whatever the Hell that is. Anyway, he wants to transplant his head onto the body of a donor body, and then, once the transplant has proven viable (after about 30 days), have the head of the “donor” removed. Ideally this would be done with a patient with a terminal head injury or the like. More sick than previously though, Kirschner slips into a coma, but not before putting his assistant surgeon to the task of finding a suitable donor. 

A donor is finally found: a convict on death row that is offered 30 days life extension (the time it takes to know is the transplant is viable). While he does not know what is in for him, he sees the 30 days as an gift in order to prove his innocence on a murder charge. The surgery is done and is a success. The doctor wakes first, and after testing whether or not he had any control of the new, host body, he sees his new hand – his head had been grafted onto the body of a black man. Remember at the start of this, I told you the Doctor was a racist?. Kirschner freaks out… Eventually the host wakes up, FREAKED out that he has this old white guy attached to him and starts wailing away. His head is quickly anesthetized, to protect the doctor. This works for a short time, until the host,  pretending to be asleep, grabs the syringe the nurse uses to knock him out, gets her with it and takes off out of the hospital, while the Doctor’s head sleeps. Out of the hospital, he kidnaps the black doctor and hi-jacks his car and heads out to his woman’s place in search of the proof he needs to clear his name.

The rest is a crazy romp with a long , funny police chase, arguing and weird, good natured, if dark, fun. If I tell you more, I’ve pretty much told you the whole story. The effects are better than I expected, as is the acting and while silly, it if a cool, fun old movie. I totally recommend this movie!

Here is a trailer:

Pink Flamingos (1972) – Don’t Watch This Movie Unless You Know What You Are Getting Into

I watched John Water’s 1972 film, Pink Flamingos last night for the first, and what will be the last time. 

Pink Flamingos is the tale of Divine (the transvestite that became mainstream big in the 1980s with her hit song “You Think You’re a Man”), as an up and coming underground star, recently named “The Filthiest Person Alive by some tabloid style paper. This has enraged bizarro couple, Connie and Raymond Marble, who believe they are the filthiest people alive. With there business of kidnapping young women, impregnating them and selling the babies to lesbian couples, and many other deviant actions, they might have a point. They try to make it a point to destroy Divine and take her crown. Divine fights back and gets her own revenge.

Divine is living in a pink and blue trailer (with two pink flamingos out front) with her mentally challenged mother (who spends her days in a playpen asking for eggs and the egg man), her deviant son and travelling companion, Cotton. The Marble’s send a spy, a woman, to get information – this leads to a weird/sickening rape scene involving live chickens… ugh!

So, I really can’t say too much about this film, except warn you: You will see real chickens killed, you will see Divine actually take a shit and wipe herself, you will see Divine actually giving head to a guy (Divine is actually male folks)… You will see a lot. The actual last scene of the movie (if you make it there) shows Divine REALLY eating shit right from a dog’s ass. 

For those that don’t know who John Waters is, he’s an avant-garde film make with a penchant for extreme weirdness and trans-gender individuals. This film is a self described exercise in bad taste. I believe it was made just to test the boundaries of what an “artist” could get away with in 1972, the year that hard core porn was legalized in much of the United States (or so I heard somewhere). Well, it does that.

You’ve been warned, you decide if you need to see this film.

Here is the trailer that was run at the time:

The Burning (1981) – Early 80s Killer at a Camp

1981’s The Burning is about a camp caretaker that is horribly disfigured in fire after a mean spirited prank, played by campers goes horrible wrong. Years later, he returns to the camp to exact revenge on new, innocent campers.

This is a typically bad camper/slaughter movie. Not a lot of work put in to the script or the acting. The senior campers go across the lake for a three day excursion when all hell breaks loose. First, the canoes get lost, a girl disappears, a group goes out on a handmade raft to get help and are brutally slaughtered. As time goes by, more and more die… like these kind of movies. This is pre-Friday the 13th (I think) and therefore before this format was really perfected – I say this is a terrible film, though there may be those that might believe that this is a formative movie -those people are wrong.

Pretty straight forward. One surprise was the fact that Jason Alexander (George from Seinfeld fame) and Brian Backner (Mark “Rat” Ratner in Fast Times at Ridgemont High) are part of the cast.

Take my advice: Leave this one alone.

Here is the trailer:

The Twilight People (1973) – The Island of Doctor Moreau With a Different Name And Oh, So Bad

I recently watched a very good compilation of horror films called Celluloid Blood Bath, and saw a trailer for this silly film. The main thing that stood out was a leathery bat winged dude that made me laugh so hard that I hunted down this movie… Ugh!

So, this is one of many films made in the Philippines in the late 1960s and early 1970s due to the low cost of production and cheapness of humans. This one fit with the rest: cheap and crappy.

A knock off of the Island of Doctor Moreau, this film was so disjointed that I couldn’t really follow what was happening. Add to it the fact that I believe a real may have been spliced in incorrect order, as their are some strange parts where a scene ends unexpectedly and goes into another in a manner that makes no sense.

The most notable part of this film is the fact that Pam Grien is in it, and that leathery Bat-wing guy.

Check out the trailer here:

Candyman (1992) – A Bit of a Horror Cult Classic, But It Didn’t Do Much For Me

I like Tony Todd. Tony Todd make a great menacing bad guy. I like Horror movies with big menacing bad guys. I like Clive Barker’s writing, and this movie is based on one of his stories. My buddy, whom I trust when it comes to horror movie recommendations likes this movie. All that and all I can really say is “meh.”

Candyman is a movie about a killer with a hook that is summoned by looking in a mirror and saying his name five times. Yeah, that’s really original. So a professor at a local University, Helen Lyle (Virginia Madsen) is studying the legend of Candyman and a murder that was attributed to him. So she stupidly says his name in the mirror five times and all of a sudden she’s kind of possessed by him. Blacking out, she finds herself covered in blood in a washroom in a tenement, a dog’s severed head near by, a mother screaming for her baby that has gone missing. Yeah – she gets busted for kidnapping and burglary and such… So, a bunch of weird things happen and I’m left wondering if Candyman kills anyone, or if just the people that say his name five timed on the mirror are doing the killing for him. I just don’t know and the move made me not care.

Ugh. I don’t know – I’m not compelled to write much more about this movie as it seemed like a pale attempt at simulating a supernatural horror movie – it just doesn’t do it for me at all. 

Here’s a trailer: