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Archive for January, 2013

Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight (1995) – Comic Book Based Horror That Stays Entertaining

I’m not sure why I hadn’t seen this movie before last night, as I was a fan of the Tales From the Crypt comic book and TV show, and was aware that this movie existed. Oh Well, I watched it, finally.

The story is this: there is a man being chased by Billy Zane who is either a demon or the Devil himself. Zane’s character is trying to get the seventh and final “key” that would release the demons of Hell onto Earth en mass. That key is a bottle that contains blood of certain people (starting with the blood of Christ) that are chosen to keep it, and the world safe from the evil trying to escape hell. The holder of this key/blood bottle is imbued with powers, add the blood itself can be used to destroy and to protect. 

In this movie, the most recent keeper, pursued by Zane’s character holes up in an old church converted to a hotel/hostel. Followed there, the keeper tries to protect a group that really doesn’t understand that they are really in trouble. Eventually, they figure out that the danger is real – especially when Zane punched THROUGH the head of the sheriff.

So, this movie is definitely cheezy. Heck it’s really cheezy. Who cares, though, as this is a really fun horror movie. Not an award winner in any way, shape or form, but fun.

Check out the trailer below:

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Grabbers (2012) – Stay Drunk, Stay Safe and Most Importantly Stay Irish

Well, this was a pleasant surprise!

Grabbers is a 2012 Irish Sci-fi horror film that comes out of no where and leaves you wondering why you never heard of this film before. I’m serious: I really like this film.

What’s it all about? Lisa Nolan, a police officer from the city takes a temporary assignment as a police officer in a small fishing village on an Irish island. There she is teamed up with a drunk of a cop that spends his time in an alcoholic haze while fighting crime that just doesn’t exist. Shortly after her arrival, an alien streaks to earth like a meteorite and crashes into the sea nearby. The alien, obviously hungry after it’s trip through space, starts off by devouring the crew of a fishing vessel that saw the crash and had gone to investigate. Eventually (well, pretty quickly actually) the creature (or creatures) end up on the island itself when a fisherman traps one in a lobster trap. Thinking he’s going to be rich, he takes it home with him. Eventually it turn on him and he has to kill it (kinda’). Taking the …corpse to a local scientist, it’s discovered that it’s like no other creature ever recorded. Like a cross between an octopus, a squid, a lamprey and a monster from an old pulp sci-fi story from the 50s, this thing is hungry, aggressive and reproductive. Oh, and add a taste for blood, yes there you have the monster. This thing kills quickly and without mercy. It has one downfall: it can’t handle alcohol in the blood of it’s victims. Basically it’s allergic to the stuff. The cops, one of whom is conveniently a raging alcoholic, have to keep the town drunk for about 24 hours while they wait for help from the coast guard and or military (it’s an island, remember?).

Watch it. Watch it watch it watch it.

Here’s the trailer:


Just Arrived: A Box of 40 HD-DVD Movies (Player to Arrive Next Week)

So I bought a box of 40 HD-DVD movies on Ebay last week and they jusy arrives. What is HD-DVD? It was the format that lost out to Blu-Ray. Same resolution, different incompatible format (remember the Bets vs. VHS video casstte war? This is the Beta of high definition formats). This is a dead format. Why would I buy them if it’s a dead format? They were super cheap, like the HD-DVD add on for the XBOX 360. A crap load of HD movies for cheap is a no brainer to me. I paid $40 for 40 movies and I am super happy about it.

Here’s the list of movies:

Adventures of Robin Hood, The
Ant Bully, The
Arctic Tale
Aviator, The

Batman Begins
Beowulf
Blades of Glory
Caddyshack
Constantine
Corpse Bride
Dead Silence
Disturbia
Dreamgirls
Failure to Launch
Four Brothers
Fugitive, The
Goodfellas
Happy Feet
Heartbreak Kid
Hot Rod
Jerk, The
Kiss Kiss bang Bang
Lethal Weapon
Last Samurai, The
Mighty Heart, A
Million Dollar Baby
Nacho Libre
Next
Norbit
Ocean’s Thirteen
Perfect Storm, The
Polar Express, the
Searchers, the
Superman Returns
Swordfish
TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Training Day
Transformers
Unforgiven


Deadgirl (2008) – Zombie Sex Slave and Some Characters I hate

So, I watched Deadgirl last night at the suggestion a friend and, well I gotta say I wasn’t blown away.

The gist of the story is that two guys (one an asshole and one an emo loser) skip school and go hang out at a local abandoned mental hospital. Once there they run around the place throwing stuff and breaking whatever they can find that isn’t already broken. In the midst of all this they discover a closed door and force it open. In the now open room they find a naked woman, chained to a cot. At first they both don’t know what to do until the asshole decided he wants to rape the woman. Emo guy wants nothing of this and leaves. He comes back later and asshole is till there and has discovered something: She’s a zombie. How did he discover this? He broke her neck (yeah, I know), and she is still alive…

Okay, I said enough. This is not a good movie and I will not suggest it as a watch. And you know what is the worst part part of this movie? The friggin’ shitty sound track.

I don’t like this movie.


Ozombie (2012) – Terrorist Zombie Movie

Ozombie is a 2012 low budget Zombie movie where al-Qaeda uses a mutated germ warfare agent to turn people in to zombies and unleash them against the coalition forces in Iraq.

This is a silly movie with unbelievable acting by poor actors. The characters are not really likable and any military that would hire them deserves to lose any war or battle that they enter. Add a sister stupidly searching for her equally stupid brother who decided that it is up to him to go to Iraq and single handedly capture or Kill Osama Bin-Laden. Uh…yep.

So, this a stupidly dumb movie that really doesn’t deserve a recommendation, yet it was still fun and if you are looking for a mindless movie with Zombies that can make you laugh once in a while, then go ahead and watch – I’ve seen worse.


Dredd (2012) – So… This is a Movie

I watched the new Judge Dredd movie, Dredd, a couple of nights ago and have this to say: Yeah, this is a Judge Dredd Movie.

For the most part, I think that’s all that really needs to be said, but for the sake of the blog I’ll write a bit more.

Did you see the original Judge Dredd movie starring Sylvester Stalone? Well, that one had more going on than this movie. I’m not saying it was better – it wasn’t – but there was more going on. The story of this movie? Who cares. It’s a dark action movie with some entertaining gunfight and explosions, characters that I just couldn’t care less about. It’s not a bad movie, it’s just a movie I could take or leave.

This is a movie. Watch it if you like.

Here’s the trailer:


John Dies at the End (2012) – A Wild Wacky Movie That Barely Makes Sense That You Should See

imageJohn Dies At The End is a weird tale of a couple of drop outs, exposed to a weird drug that allows them to see into another dimension and leaves them as protectors of our world from a possible invasion for that said dimension.

A movie by Don Coscarelli, the man who brought us the masterpieces Bubba Ho-Tep and the Phantasm series (amongst other films) has created a stylish, surrealistic weird movie that kept me confused and riveted at the same time. A couple of dope smoking, drinking roommates, Dave and John attend a big party where they meet Robert Marley who introduces them to a new drug with the weirdest of properties: a lone with distorting time, it also allows you to see into other dimensions and the evil that lives there. The drug also blurs the line between life and death. In fact, there are several times when it is not obvious if the characters on screen are alive or something…else. Throw in a police officer who has also seen a glimpse into this world and is doing his best to removea any trace of it, by any means possible. The story itself is told as a flashback while Dave relates the story to a reporter, Arnie Blondestone (played by Paul Giamatti).

This is really a hard movie to describe because it’s really not like anything I’ve seen before. All I can really say is that if you have an open mind for weird (but good) movies, then you really should see this film.

Check out the trailer below: