Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight (1995) – Comic Book Based Horror That Stays Entertaining
I’m not sure why I hadn’t seen this movie before last night, as I was a fan of the Tales From the Crypt comic book and TV show, and was aware that this movie existed. Oh Well, I watched it, finally.
The story is this: there is a man being chased by Billy Zane who is either a demon or the Devil himself. Zane’s character is trying to get the seventh and final “key” that would release the demons of Hell onto Earth en mass. That key is a bottle that contains blood of certain people (starting with the blood of Christ) that are chosen to keep it, and the world safe from the evil trying to escape hell. The holder of this key/blood bottle is imbued with powers, add the blood itself can be used to destroy and to protect.
In this movie, the most recent keeper, pursued by Zane’s character holes up in an old church converted to a hotel/hostel. Followed there, the keeper tries to protect a group that really doesn’t understand that they are really in trouble. Eventually, they figure out that the danger is real – especially when Zane punched THROUGH the head of the sheriff.
So, this movie is definitely cheezy. Heck it’s really cheezy. Who cares, though, as this is a really fun horror movie. Not an award winner in any way, shape or form, but fun.
Check out the trailer below:
Grabbers (2012) – Stay Drunk, Stay Safe and Most Importantly Stay Irish
Well, this was a pleasant surprise!
Grabbers is a 2012 Irish Sci-fi horror film that comes out of no where and leaves you wondering why you never heard of this film before. I’m serious: I really like this film.
What’s it all about? Lisa Nolan, a police officer from the city takes a temporary assignment as a police officer in a small fishing village on an Irish island. There she is teamed up with a drunk of a cop that spends his time in an alcoholic haze while fighting crime that just doesn’t exist. Shortly after her arrival, an alien streaks to earth like a meteorite and crashes into the sea nearby. The alien, obviously hungry after it’s trip through space, starts off by devouring the crew of a fishing vessel that saw the crash and had gone to investigate. Eventually (well, pretty quickly actually) the creature (or creatures) end up on the island itself when a fisherman traps one in a lobster trap. Thinking he’s going to be rich, he takes it home with him. Eventually it turn on him and he has to kill it (kinda’). Taking the …corpse to a local scientist, it’s discovered that it’s like no other creature ever recorded. Like a cross between an octopus, a squid, a lamprey and a monster from an old pulp sci-fi story from the 50s, this thing is hungry, aggressive and reproductive. Oh, and add a taste for blood, yes there you have the monster. This thing kills quickly and without mercy. It has one downfall: it can’t handle alcohol in the blood of it’s victims. Basically it’s allergic to the stuff. The cops, one of whom is conveniently a raging alcoholic, have to keep the town drunk for about 24 hours while they wait for help from the coast guard and or military (it’s an island, remember?).
Watch it. Watch it watch it watch it.
Here’s the trailer:
Just Arrived: A Box of 40 HD-DVD Movies (Player to Arrive Next Week)
So I bought a box of 40 HD-DVD movies on Ebay last week and they jusy arrives. What is HD-DVD? It was the format that lost out to Blu-Ray. Same resolution, different incompatible format (remember the Bets vs. VHS video casstte war? This is the Beta of high definition formats). This is a dead format. Why would I buy them if it’s a dead format? They were super cheap, like the HD-DVD add on for the XBOX 360. A crap load of HD movies for cheap is a no brainer to me. I paid $40 for 40 movies and I am super happy about it.
Here’s the list of movies:
Adventures of Robin Hood, The
Ant Bully, The
Arctic Tale
Aviator, The
Batman Begins
Beowulf
Blades of Glory
Caddyshack
Constantine
Corpse Bride
Dead Silence
Disturbia
Dreamgirls
Failure to Launch
Four Brothers
Fugitive, The
Goodfellas
Happy Feet
Heartbreak Kid
Hot Rod
Jerk, The
Kiss Kiss bang Bang
Lethal Weapon
Last Samurai, The
Mighty Heart, A
Million Dollar Baby
Nacho Libre
Next
Norbit
Ocean’s Thirteen
Perfect Storm, The
Polar Express, the
Searchers, the
Superman Returns
Swordfish
TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Training Day
Transformers
Unforgiven
Deadgirl (2008) – Zombie Sex Slave and Some Characters I hate
So, I watched Deadgirl last night at the suggestion a friend and, well I gotta say I wasn’t blown away.
The gist of the story is that two guys (one an asshole and one an emo loser) skip school and go hang out at a local abandoned mental hospital. Once there they run around the place throwing stuff and breaking whatever they can find that isn’t already broken. In the midst of all this they discover a closed door and force it open. In the now open room they find a naked woman, chained to a cot. At first they both don’t know what to do until the asshole decided he wants to rape the woman. Emo guy wants nothing of this and leaves. He comes back later and asshole is till there and has discovered something: She’s a zombie. How did he discover this? He broke her neck (yeah, I know), and she is still alive…
Okay, I said enough. This is not a good movie and I will not suggest it as a watch. And you know what is the worst part part of this movie? The friggin’ shitty sound track.
I don’t like this movie.
Ozombie (2012) – Terrorist Zombie Movie
Ozombie is a 2012 low budget Zombie movie where al-Qaeda uses a mutated germ warfare agent to turn people in to zombies and unleash them against the coalition forces in Iraq.
This is a silly movie with unbelievable acting by poor actors. The characters are not really likable and any military that would hire them deserves to lose any war or battle that they enter. Add a sister stupidly searching for her equally stupid brother who decided that it is up to him to go to Iraq and single handedly capture or Kill Osama Bin-Laden. Uh…yep.
So, this a stupidly dumb movie that really doesn’t deserve a recommendation, yet it was still fun and if you are looking for a mindless movie with Zombies that can make you laugh once in a while, then go ahead and watch – I’ve seen worse.
Dredd (2012) – So… This is a Movie
I watched the new Judge Dredd movie, Dredd, a couple of nights ago and have this to say: Yeah, this is a Judge Dredd Movie.
For the most part, I think that’s all that really needs to be said, but for the sake of the blog I’ll write a bit more.
Did you see the original Judge Dredd movie starring Sylvester Stalone? Well, that one had more going on than this movie. I’m not saying it was better – it wasn’t – but there was more going on. The story of this movie? Who cares. It’s a dark action movie with some entertaining gunfight and explosions, characters that I just couldn’t care less about. It’s not a bad movie, it’s just a movie I could take or leave.
This is a movie. Watch it if you like.
Here’s the trailer:
John Dies at the End (2012) – A Wild Wacky Movie That Barely Makes Sense That You Should See
John Dies At The End is a weird tale of a couple of drop outs, exposed to a weird drug that allows them to see into another dimension and leaves them as protectors of our world from a possible invasion for that said dimension.
A movie by Don Coscarelli, the man who brought us the masterpieces Bubba Ho-Tep and the Phantasm series (amongst other films) has created a stylish, surrealistic weird movie that kept me confused and riveted at the same time. A couple of dope smoking, drinking roommates, Dave and John attend a big party where they meet Robert Marley who introduces them to a new drug with the weirdest of properties: a lone with distorting time, it also allows you to see into other dimensions and the evil that lives there. The drug also blurs the line between life and death. In fact, there are several times when it is not obvious if the characters on screen are alive or something…else. Throw in a police officer who has also seen a glimpse into this world and is doing his best to removea any trace of it, by any means possible. The story itself is told as a flashback while Dave relates the story to a reporter, Arnie Blondestone (played by Paul Giamatti).
This is really a hard movie to describe because it’s really not like anything I’ve seen before. All I can really say is that if you have an open mind for weird (but good) movies, then you really should see this film.
Check out the trailer below:
The Punisher (1989) – Damn, This Was Kick Ass
I meant to see this movie in the theatre when it came out. Then I meant to rent this movie on VHS when it came out on home video. Then I meant to watch this movie on DVD when it was finally released that way. Well I didn’t. I finally watched it this morning, though, and I am glad I did.
The Punisher is a movie based on a comic of the same name. It’s the story of a Police Officer that lost his family to criminals and was assumed dead him self. HE has taken up the persona of The Punisher and does just that: punish the criminals that slip through the cracks of the Justice system.
Starring Dolph Lundgren as Frank Castle, a.k.a. The Punisher, and Lou Gossett Jr. as Jake Berkrowitz, the Police officer that believes Frank is still alive and actually is the Punisher, though no one else seems to share this belief. In the movie, the traditional Mob crime syndicate is being squeezed by the Japanese Yakuza criminal organization. They are looking to take over the criminal trade and make the mob work for them. The Yakuza taking 75% of the profits, leaving the Mob a measly 25%. Knowing the Mob would not be receptive to this, the Yakuza has kidnapped the children of the Mob family heads as bargaining chips. The Punisher has made it his job to rescue the children while making both sides pay for their indiscretions.
There’s a lot of action in this movie and while no awards winner, it is definitely entertaining if you go into the testosterone fueled ass kicking, gun shooting style movie – and why would you not. I have to say that I am glad that I have finally seen this movie and I do not hesitate to recommend it. Check it out if you haven’t yet.
Here’s the trailer:
Diary of the Dead (2007) – Romero Zombie Films Are Still the Best
You know, I thought I had seen this film before… and then I watched it this past weekend only to find I was wrong.
George Romero’s 2007 Diary of the Dead tells the tale of a group of University students who, while attempting to make a Zombie film, end up documenting their experiences during a Zombie Outbreak.
While filming a scene in the woods for a University project, the group starts hearing reports of chaos in the cities and towns, with rumours of the dead rising up and feasting on the living. Add to the news footage, video clips that people are uploading to social networking sites, and the group starts getting a picture of just how widespread the outbreak is. They decide to travel together to each other’s homes (or whatever destinations they have picked. Along the way they see more and more evidence of this outbreak, and lose a number of their entourage along the way. They run into a couple of groups (one good and one bad), but make progress on their journey.
This is another “Shakycam” film, where it is supposed to be made up of footage taken from a person that is experiencing things and filming said experiences. This type of movie can be very crappy, but happily that isn’t the case here. I found this movie well made and entertaining. While it’s no Night of the Living Dead, or Dawn of the Dead, it is still a fun, entertaining Zombie film from the Master, George A. Romero.
Check out the trailer here:
Billion Dollar Brain (1967) – Cold War Computer Espionage
Well here’s a movie that I’m surprised I never heard of. Billion Dollar Brain is an 1969 espionage film staring the always great Michael Caine and the late Karl Malden. Michael Caine plays a retired British secret agent who is hired to deliver a package in Helsinki, while being re-recruited (against his will) by MI-6 – the Spy agency he has retired from.
This is a confusing tale of back stabbing and multiple levels of deceit where it’s hard to really figure out who is really working for whom. There’s the Soviets, there’s Nato… the British and a computer who it is unclear who it’s working for until about three quarters of the way through the film, when we are introduced to the “General” – a billionaire Texan who is amassing a private army to assist in a planned uprising in Riga, Latvia.
As I said, there are many twists and turns and back stabbing in this film. Another very cool element is the fact that most of the espionage in this film is computer based – very forward looking. Michael Caine is awesome, too. I had never heard of this film until very recently, and I am happy to recommend this film. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.
Check out the trailer here:
V/H/S (2012) – Plethora of Point of View Horror Stories Wrapped Up Into One
Well, this was interesting. VHS is a 2012 anthology of Point of View horror (you know, from the camera’s view as one of the characters). It’s one of the “shaky cam” movies that have risen since The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield (among others). While not an amazing film, it stays entertaining enough not to just be a waste of time.
The gist of the story is a group of thugs that tape themselves doing crime and then post the videos online have been hired to break into an old house and steal a VHS cassette. They are not told what tape, only that they will know it when they see it.
Upon entering the house, they find an apparently deceased old man sitting in a chair in front of a wall of TVs all hooked up to VCRs, all currently displaying static. The guys were told that the tape they were looking for would be found in the basement, so they all head down except for one of them who is instructed to stay in the room with the body. The guy left in the room decides to see what is on the tapes the old guy was watching… and it isn’t good. Each tape is a different tale of horror, be it extra terrestrial, supernatural or just plain humans being evil to humans. One common thing to all the videos: they were all self shot, point of view videos, like these hoods film. Not all of the individual stories are compelling, and the main story (the one about the guys entering the house to collect a tape) could have used some serious fleshing out, but over all the film is entertaining. This type of movie could easily be a total crapfest (and to be honest, that’s what I expected), but it was kept interesting enough for me. As I said at the beginning, this isn’t a great film, but I did find it entertaining and I have no problems suggesting at as a watch.
Check out the trailer below.
Sorry For the Inactivity Lately, Folks
Hello people of the Internet. I am writing this to apologize for the recent lack of posts. I , like man=y of you, have been hit with this ridiculous influenza outbreak, and it just kicked my ass. Although not 100%, I am feeling a lot better and will be resuming my posts soon.
Take care all!
FDR: American Badass (2012)- Oh My Freakin’ Gawd, This Movie Is Ridiculously Funny
Up until two nights ago, I never even heard of this movie, and now I want to tell everyone about it… This movie is so darn funny.
Starring Barry Bostwick (the Mayor from Spin City among many other rolls), in the title roll of FDR who must stand up (pun intended) against the Axis Werewolf forces of Germany, Italy and Japan. Inflicted with Polio when he was bit by a werewolf on a hunting trip in 1933, FDR goes on to take the presidency and lead the free world in it’s battle against the Evil Werewolves.
Peppered with references to the real FDR’s policies, this is NOT a biopic: this is one of the funniest comedies I’ve seen in so long. With so many jokes back to back, if on fails, don’t worry as the next one will get you. The acting is surprisingly good (with a lot of “that guy” actors), and for such a silly concept, written rather well. This is a movie that had me laughing from start to finish. Hell, I liked it so much that I watched it twice in one week. Full of cursing and sexual innuendos, so if you’re some kind of prude don’t watch it (and stop reading my blog), but if that doesn’t bother you then you MUST see this movie.
I Like Bad Movies 