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Archive for February, 2013

Rites of Spring (2011) – Sacrifices For The Coming Harvest

rosWell this was an interesting movie, that had Netflix not suggested it, I most likely would never have seen it.

For 28 years, young women have disappeared every March 21, with no explanation and this year is no exception: two women are abducted outside the bar that they were drinking at. Unrelated, a small group decide to kidnap a business owner’s son in retaliation for one of them being fire for something he did not do. Asking $2,000,000, one of the kidnappers kills his wife, to show how serious they are.

The two girls that were taken from the bar wake up tied by the hands from the rafters of a barn. A deranged man approaches and cuts one of the females, collecting an amount of blood in a bowl and tossing it into the cellar of the barn… what’s going on here.

The kidnappers, mind you are waiting for their money – one of them a seriously loose cannon. When the money shows up, it’s accompanied by the business owner who is ready to kick ass. At this point we find out that the kidnapping was a little more convoluted than originally though with a little plot twist that was not expected.

Back to the barn where we find out that there is some sore of creature that is being appeased by the sacrifices of young women. A struggle ensues there when one of the women gets loose.

You know what? I’m not going to say more as I am mostly just describing what happens. This is an interesting combination of supernatural horror, and human versus human horror. Is it a great film? No, definitely not, but it’s also not a terrible film. In fact I was pleasantly surprised that I actually liked it. It’s not particularly long, so if it sounds even remotely like something you’d like then go for it.

Here is the trailer:


Dead and Breakfast (2004)–If David Carradine Is Running The Bed And Breakfast, Sleep In Your Car

dnbHoly smokes, I’ve seen two original Zombie movies in two days – Things are good.

2004’s Dead and Breakfast tells the story of a group of young adults driving to a friend’s wedding, when the end up getting lost and taking refuge for the night at a bed and breakfast in a small, hick town. The Bed and Breakfast (BnB), suggested by the gas pump jockey who is also the singer for a band, and sings the segues between scenes, making this a semi musical (don’t worry: I hate musicals and loved this movie). When they get to the BnB they are first greeted by the chef, Henri (played by Diedrich Bader of The Drew Carey show), who snottily introduces them to the owner of the BnB, Mr Wise (played by David Carradine). Mr Wise extends his hospitality to the group and has them shown to their rooms.

Shortly after their arrival at the BnB, Chef Henri somehow ends up dead and the local sheriff shows up (a hick in his own right), letting everyone know they are NOT free to leave while his investigation is on.

Soon the Sheriff takes a drifter in (one who had bumped into one of the group at the gas station that had stopped at at the beginning of the film). Believing the drifter to be the murderer, he is taken into custody and held. Soon they figure out that the drifter may be more than he appears when his notebook has drawings of an interesting  looking Asiatic box. We learn soon that the box holds the spirit of Wise’s infant son, and a terrible force will be released if the seal is broken. Guess what happens? Yeah, the meekest one of the group accidentally releases the spirit and is immediately transformed into a powerful, evil spirit that kills and then controls the bodies (like zombies) of the ones he just killed. Soon there is a hoard of evils beasts that must be destroyed.

This is another fun and original take on the Zombie genre that I heartily suggest you watch. I had a great time watching this movie.

Check out the trailer here:


Aaah! Zombies!! (2007)–Wow, An Original Zombie Movie!

Aaah ZombiesThe creators of Aaah! Zombies!! (a.k.a. Wasting Away), managed to do something very difficult: they created a Zombie movie that is actually original.

Those of you who read this blog with any kind of regularity have most likely figured out that for the most part, I like Zombie movies. Even so, I’ll be the first to admit that most of them are rehashes of ideas and situations that have been put down on film before. So, creating something original in this genre is difficulty and I think that’s one of the reasons I liked this film as much as I did.

A covert government mission to pollute a bay to get rid of the whales that environmentalists goes wrong when the truck carrying the toxic payload crashes and spills the chemicals on the streets, short of the intended target. Somehow the chemical ends up contaminating the base for some soft serve ice cream. Enter out main group of young adults who eat the ice cream at the local bowling alley. After feeling VERY ill for a few minutes, they seem to get better. Almost immediately they encounter a mysterious guy claiming to be a member of of the U.S. Special Forces and he takes control of the group, explaining that the city is infected with the toxin, and that they (their group) will be turning into Super Soldiers (due to the fact that the chemical was mixed with dairy), but everyone else is sick and must be stopped. Reasonably soon you see that things are not as our protagonists believe and in fact things might be the opposite of what they’ve come to believe.

Throw in a government conspiracy/cover up, a Zombie love affair (including some Zombie make out action), some truly funny moments and some reasonable good acting (for the genre…for the genre), and you have what I consider a fresh, fun Zombie movie that I heartily suggest you watch.

Check out the trailer here:


New Blog Host – And The Cheezy Movie Contest

viewingAlright folks, I’ve moved the blog from Tumblr due to some formatting options that Tumblr seemed to do away with. Eventually I will be moving it over to Squarespace, but since that’s a paid service, it might be a little while before I can justify that move.

Anyway, let me know what you think, pro or con about the blog on the host.

And…

THE CHEEZY MOVIE DVD GIVE AWAY CONTEST!!!

Okay, it’s this easy: Answer the two really easy questions below (feel free to use Google), and you can win some cheezy movie (title not decided yet but it’ll be cheezy). Just email your answers (and your mailing address) and the first four correct answers will get…some cheezy movie sent to them in the mail. That’s it and that’s all.

Here are the questions:

1. Who wrote and directed the infamous crappy movie, Plan 9 From Outer Space?

2. Robert Beltran played the title character, Raoul from the movie, Eating Raoul. He went on to play what character on the Star Trek Voyager television series?

Click Here to send in your answers (remember to put your mailing address in the email!)


Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) – Yes It’s Cheezy, Yes It’s Dumb and Yes I liked It

Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) got her start on a TV station, introducing campy horror movies on a late night TV show. Dressed as a sexy, large breasted raven haired sex-vamp, she rose to the top of Pop culture in the 1980s and 1990s and her posters covered countless walls of teenage boys lusting after that fantastic figure (especially those boobs…especially those boobs).

Well this is Elvira’s movie. It tells the story of Elvira, fresh from quitting her TV job and planning on starting a Las Vegas show, but finding herself $70,000 short. Suddenly she gets word that her great Aunt has passed away and she has inherited her estate, a run down house and a “cook book.” Her appearance in this small town creates quite a ruckus, as the town have very strict rules on what is and what is not allowed: no sex and no violence in media… Just a boring little place. Elvira drives the powers to be crazy with her sexy appearance. Trying to make the best of things she gets to work on sprucing up the house with the help of the local youths. At the same time, her Great Uncle is trying to get that cook book of her aunt’s.

Well, it turns out that things in Elvira’s family are not as they seem, and she is part of a magical, ancient family that control the darkness. Her uncle wants the cookbook as is really a book of magic and spells, and possessing it during the upcoming Lunar Eclipse would seal his power as master of the dark. Of course Elvira has to stop this.

So, this is a stupid, silly movie and at times it seems like Elvira is trying to be Rodney Dangerfield with her delivery of her lines. That said, this is good, cheezy fun and I enjoyed every minute of this terrible film. Should you watch it?  Damn straight you should.

Check out the trailer:


The Bay (2012) – What’s the Matter, Parasite Got Your Tongue?

2012’s The Bay is an environmental horror film with one message: stop polluting the water.

Chesapeake Bay, New England has a water pollution problem that the mayor is ignoring. The town’s chicken processing plant is dumping raw sewage into the bay and that is directly affecting the ecosystem of the bay0 Huge die offs of fish is the first sign that something’s wrong. A team of two divers working for environmental agencies are documenting what they find in the bay. On land, a college reporter, in town to document t he town’s summer festivities gets caught up in the story being one of the only news reporters in town when it gets quarantined.

This town is falling apart fast – It’s eventually determined that what is affecting everyone and everything is a parasite that is growing at an alarmingly fast rate due to the waste that’s been dumped into the bay. People are dying horrible deaths, eaten from the inside out.

Shot as a documentary made up of reports and self shot videos as well as some lost footage, the Bay stays interesting if not amazing. I watched it on the suggestion of a friend, and despite some really bad reviews on the Internet Movie Database, I enjoyed it for the most part.

Worth a watch? Well, it wasn’t terrible but you decide for yourself.

Check out the trailer below:


An Interview With Russ Meyer – Conan O’Brien

This is kind of cool: an interview with one of the Kings of the Bib-Boob B-Movie Drive In movies, Russ Meyer from the Conan O’Brien show.

Enjoy!


The Fast And The Furious (1955) – Don’t Worry – This One’s Good: It Doesn’t Have Vin Diesel

image

I’m pretty sure if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you most likely know I like Roger Corman films. Well this is no different: A Corman film that I like.

1955’s The Fast and The Furious tells the story of a man, Frank Webster (played by John Ireland) who was wrongly accused of murder and wanting to clear his name. Being pursued by police, Webster is forced to take a woman, Connie Adair (played by Dorothy Malone) hostage and steal her car, with Webster hoping to make it to the Mexican border, and freedom beyond it. In order to avoid police road blocks, they pose as entrants in an antique auto race. The fact that Connie knows some of the entrants makes things a little sticky. Along this crazy adventure, Connie falls for Frank and vice/versa. A tale of injustice and love, this movie has schlock written all over it – luckily it’s short and doesn’t give enough time to get sick of it. Actually, clocking in at one hour and sixteen minutes, this movie is just about the perfect length for it’s subject matter.

Oh, and don’t go thinking that that crappy Fast and Furious film is a remake of this film – watch The Chase with Charlie Sheen to see the true remake of this film.

Should you watch it? Hell Yeah…

Heck, here’s the whole damned movie:

 

 


I Didn’t Come Here to Die (2010) – If You Go Down In The Woods To day You’re in For a Poked Out Eye

image2010’s I Didn’t Come Here To Die is one of the generation of new Grindhouse style movies that seem to be gaining cachet with the alternative movie market, but does it properly.

A group of young adult have volunteers to break ground on a new camp for under privileged children. A mish-mash of personalities, these folks are brought together in the woods for what is supposed to be about a year. They are working on getting a campsite setup by clearing trails, digging fire pits and such. Being young, there is the usual sexual tension between some of the people.

On the first or second night, the group starts drinking around a camp fire (that never seems to be lit), and things get weird when one of the two group leaders, who comes off as a prude, and has been ridiculed by the others for being square (and dressing like a “Mom”), starts drinking and gets a little crazy, jumping on the bad boy of the group and basically demanding sex. Another girl pushes her of and they have a verbal spat . The leaders storms of and quickly gets injured…awesomely.

What follows is a series of accidents and not so accidents. Brutalities caused by stupidity, followed by brutalities caused by fear and humanities brutality that lies just below it’s surface.

This is a low budget movie, but that’s okay: there’s no real need for a big budget, and they did well with the little money that they did spend. Both brutal and fun, I say watch this movie if you like slasher/people in the woods style movies, though it’s not a slasher film. This film is actually pretty original. Watch it!

Here’s the trailer:


Zombies Vs. Strippers (2012) – Stupid, Yet Still Fun

 

imageAlright, by the title of the blog, you’ve got to know that I like bad movies. That must be the reason I like this one.

Zombies Vs. Strippers is a silly tale about a few strippers, the club owner, the bouncer and a couple of patrons that hole up inside a strip club at the outbreak of a Zombie Virus. Pretty straight forward. The acting’s not awesome (at the same time, it’s not the worse I’ve seen by a long shot), and the budget, like all these type of movies is pretty small, but that’s okay – I didn’t expect and award winning performance like Gandhi or anything – It was good enough to be fun.

Zombies, boobs and laughs – good enough to justify the short, one hour and fourteen minute run time.

If you like B-Movies, then go ahead and watch this movie – just don’t expect too much.


Monkey Shines (1988) – Who’s a Cute Homicidal Helper Monkey?

In celebration of George A. Romero’s 73 birthday we decided to watch 1988’s Monkey Shines. I haven’t seen this movie since it was released originally and my memories of it were vague. Heck, I didn’t even know it was a Romero film until my friend suggested we watch it due to Romero’s already mentioned birthday. I’m glad I re-watched it.

Monkey Shines is the store of Allen Mann (played by Jason Beghe), a young man in the physical prime of his life who is rendered a quadriplegic when he is hit by a vehicle while jogging. Not taking the transition well, Allen’s friend, Geoffrey Fisher (played by John Pankow), arranges to have one of the monkeys that he’s been injecting with a formula to make more intelligent trained as a helper for Allen. At first this works great. The monkey, now named Ella bonds will Allen immediately and proves herself to be a great assistant and companion.Already bright, it soon becomes apparent (to Allen, at least) that Ella may be even more intelligent than she lets on. He believes that she may be getting out at night and somehow projecting her adventures into his dreams. Allen, too is changing: he becomes more angry and unforgiving. Soon things start happening to the people and things that anger Allen, and the only explanation he can come up with is that Ella is in tune with his thoughts and feelings and is acting on his dark thought. When Allen shares this belief  everyone around him just thinks he’s imagining things. Ella works up a significant body count b at the time before anyone finally clues in that it is the monkey.

Back in 1988 when I first saw this film I didn’t really appreciate it, and remember being a little disappointed with the movie. I’m not entirely sure why, but I remember that is how I felt at that time. I don’t know what I was expecting, but perhaps the 18-19 year old me was a dumb-ass.

This movie was pretty damned good, and I definitely suggest it as a watch. 

Check out the trailer below: