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Archive for March, 2013

Watch a Cheezy Movie For Free, Write a Simple Review and Get a DVD in the Mail

CrabmonsterWhat are you doing right now?

Nothing?

Good.

Watch this movie, write a review and send it to me. I might post it, and if I do I’ll give you full credit and maybe send you a cheezy movie on DVD or something silly like that. To be fair, if I get 100 entries I’m NOT sending out 100 DVDs. I will choose one review and send that reviewer the movie. How will I choose? I don’t know yet – most likely I’ll just pick the one that I like. Not scientific, I know but I will try to be fair and open minded.

Hell… I’m okay even if it’s not this movie that you review, just as long as the review is original, and the movie is cheezy.

Also, I hope the winner of the DVD will allow me to publish the fact that they one, but I’ll respect a request for anonymity if asked to.

Click Here To Submit Your Reviews

Here’s the movie (let me know if the link dies):

Click Here To Submit Your Reviews

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Mutant Hunt (1987)–I watched It So You Don’t Have To

MutantHunt1987’s Mutant Hunt is a piece of crap. It’s really bad.

Cyborgs, fed some sort of narcotic get loose and start killing.

Yeah… Watch this movie only if you want to see how bad it is.

Okay… maybe it’s the best movie I’ve seen about robots that are given drugs and kill people. Show me one more movie like that and I bet this would immediately be relegated to the worst movie about robots that are given drugs and kill people.

Oh, and the poster? That scene doesn’t happen – kind of like how this movie doesn’t happen.

Maybe the best thing about this movie is that it isn’t very long.

Here’s the trailer:


Stuck (2007)–Inspired By Reality, Elevated by Stuart Gordon

StuckLoosely based on a real event, Stuck tells the tale of a down on his luck, recently homeless man who is hit by a car driven by a hard partying young nursing attendant, and gets stuck in her windshield, where she leaves him, hoping that he’ll die and she can forget the incident.

Tom (played by Stephen Rea), has had his unemployment run out, been kicked out of his apartment and rendered homeless. Forced out on the streets, he just wants a good nights sleep.

Brandi (played by Mena Suvari) is a nursing home care attendant, up for a promotion. She likes to party and this Friday is no exception. After drinking and doing Ecstasy (E) at the club with her best friend and boyfriend, she decides to drive home. Impaired and distracted by her phone while driving, Brandi doesn’t see Tom as he crosses the road and hits him, breaking his legs and lodging him in her windshield. Panicking, Brandi drives home, Tom in windshield and parks in her garage. Tom grans and freaks Brandi out. Asking for help, Brandi lies and tells him help is on the way.

When Brandi’s boyfriend Rashid (played by Russell Hornsby) gets to her place, he notices that she is visibly upset. Asking her what happens she explains that she got into an accident and hit a homeless man. Rashid tells her to relax, and that if no one saw anything, then she’s got nothing to worry about. He has no idea that Tom is in the garage, embedded in her windshield.

The next morning Brandi gets up and gets ready to go to work. She seems to forget aabout Tom, stuck in the windshield and enters the garage. Seeing Tom, and that he is alive, she tells him help is on the way ( a lie) and she scrambles out. Almost calling 911, she stops at 91… then calls for a cab to get her to work. Once the cab shows up (driven by John Dunsworth who plays Jim Lahey on the Trailer Park Boys), Tom, starts hitting the horn on Brandi’s car in an attempt to get help. Brandi runs in and tells him to stop and hits Tom, knocking him out. While at work, Tom wakes again and tries to get attention. At one point, when a neighbour’s son sees him through the window of the garage, you think he’s going to be saved. Not so. Actually, there’s a couple of times where it looks like he’ll be saved that doesn’t pan out.

Eventually Brandi explains the situation to Rashid and gets him to commit to helping get rid of Tom. Rashid goes out to the garage and gets ready to finish Tom off. Tom surprises Rashid and takes him out in a pretty cool struggle. Brandi comes out to investigate when she hears someone trying to start her car. Seeing Rashid on the floor of the garage, she kneels next to him and is knocked out briefly when Tom hits her with her car door. Having retrieved a gun from Rashid, Tom struggles down the driveway in an attempt to get help. Brandi wakes and takes after Tom with a hammer. Tom tells her to back off, and points the gun at her, but she is relentless. Missing her, she knocks him out with the hammer.

Okay… I am about to give up the ending so this is where I stop. Stuck is a great movie about one man’s struggle to survive and the story of a disgusting human being’s struggle for self-preservation at all costs.

This movie is excellent and you should see it. Full kudos to Stuart Gordon for creating another great movie.

Here is the trailer:


The Re-Animator Series

Reanimator_posterThe Re-Animator Series, so far consisting of three films, is an example of a series of horror movies done right.

Starting in 1985 with the Re-Animator, and consisting of three films, though the door seems to be left open for more. All three star Jeffrey Combs as Herbert West, the Re-animator himself. West is a driven, mad scientist that developed the “Re-Agent”: a neon green liquid that brings life (or at least re-animates) the dead. This is West’s life’s work and he allows nothing to come between him and it.

Starting with the RE-Animator in 1985, we’re introduced to  West in a quick but disturbing scene at the University of Zurich Institute of Medicine, where he is found hunched over the convulsing body of Dr. Gruber. Accused of killing Gruber, West shouts “I gave him life!”

Next we see West arriving at Miskatonic University in New England to continue his studies. Immediately he is at odds with Dr. Carl Hill, the university’s resident Brain specialist, and primary grant gatherer, when he states that Hill’s work is derivative and basically stolen from the late Dr. Gruber. Immediately in Dr. Hill’s bad books, West’s further behaviour does nothing to rectify this.

Soon, answering an add posted on a bulletin board for a room for rent, West moves in with Dan Cain, another med student. Dan, we learn is dating the Dean’s daughter, Megan Halsey (played by Barbara Crampton). Megan, from the start, does not like West, and shortly after his arrival, accuses him of killing Dan’s cat when she enters West’s room against his wishes and finds the cat’s body in his fridge. West denies killing the cat and claims he found it dead and put the body in his fridge until he could inform Dan of the event. Very quickly, West draws Dan into his world and has him working on the Re- Agent with him – all it took was finding West in his basement lab being attacked by the newly re-animated cat of Dan’s.

Once sucked in, Dan becomes in effect West’s version of Igor. Disgusted by West’s lack of care for fellow humans, but driven by the work he does, he becomes VERY subservient to the ever more singularly focused West. Also, along the way West draws him into a web of crimes that leave Dan no choice but to stay by West’s side.

Everyone around Dan and West’ are in danger due to West’s lack of care for fellow humans. All that matters to him is the development of his RE-Agent. Anyone that gets in his way becomes victims. Dr. Hill, after trying to take West’s discovery and life’s work from him though blackmail becomes nothing more than an animated head, though with the ability to control others that West has animated – causing West much more trouble than one would think a solitary head could. Most that are re-animated via West’s RE-Agent, come back violent and almost mindless. Eventually all hell breaks loose and Megan becomes an accidental victim to West’s experiments…

Bride_of_Re-AnimatorThe second movie, Bride of the Re-Animator, was released in 1989 and starts off with West and Dan, working in a war zone tent hospital – West is his normal, driven maniacal self and Dan his normal, subservient wimpish self. We see them apply the Re-Agent to a dead soldier, just as an attractive female soldier enters, Francesca Danelli (played by Fabiana Udenio) – the patient – violent as usual, is shot by West, and this is witnessed by the Francesca. Other than a “What are you people doing here” and a “we have to bug out as we are being over-run” type of discussion (and a hint that Dan and Francesca may have a thing for each other), this scene is over fast.

Next we find that West and Dan have returned to New England and their jobs at Mikatonic University Hospital, where they also continue work on the Re-Agent. A new development shows West that Re-Agent can also reanimate individual body parts as well as entire organisms. He starts taking individual body parts home to continue his experiments. It’s the theft of these parts that puts police officer Lt. Chapham on the trail of West and Dan. That, and the fact that Chaphman has it out for them already as the only ones to survive, unchanged from the events of the first movie. Soon we find out that Chapham has a more intimate and personal reason to be interested in the case (watch the damned movie to find out what it is). Chaphman’s pressure on West and Dan leads to mistakes being made, and individuals being reanimated – in short, things fall to shit. Add to all this that West’s original nemesis from the first move, the head of Dr. Carl Hill is controlling these reanimated jerks. All the while, West is attempting to create life from individual body parts. Using a terminal patient that Dan has fallen in love with as the face and head, in order to get Dan onboard, eventually West creates his parted out monster – a jealous giant of a woman-beast. A big fight breaks out and shit goes to hell again.

Beyond_Re-animatorThe third (and last so far), movie was released in 2003 and titled, Beyond RE-Animator.

13 years have passed since crap went down at the hospital. West has spent that time in prison after Dan turned State’s Witness. West has managed to continue his experiments, albeit on a much smaller scale, working on rats in his cell.

The prison hospital gets a new, young head doctor who quickly takes an interest in West and his past work. Dr. Howard Phillips arranges with the crazy, asshole Warden to have West put on work detail in the hospital, using the excuse that the hospital is understaffed and West’s medical background would help things. The Warden agrees, but lets his dislike of West be known to Phillips. Phillip soon informs West that he is aware of his work with re-animation of the dead and explains how his sister was killed by one of the zombies that was created in the event that sent West to prison. He was a kid at the time and one of the un-dead created with West’s Re-Agent broke into their house and killed his sister. He saw the police take West away in a police car. He learned of West’s work and made it his goal to work with him and learn the secret of RE-Agent. Soon West draws him into his world after they reanimate a recently deceased prisoner with a 13 year old sample of RE-Agent that Phillips found back when his sister was killed. The prisoner wakes from the dead in a state of confusion and violence, just as the Warden was touring through the prison’s hospital with attractive reporter Laura Olney. The Warden freaks out about the whole ruckus and puts everybody on lockdown and cancel the rest of the tour of the prison/interview, but not before Laura and Dr. Phillips manage to make oggly eyes at each other and make some kinda’ love connection… because all of a sudden these two are an item.

Like all these movies, West draws his side kick, usually Dan but now Dr. Phillips deeper into his twisted world of mad science and reanimating of the dead. West’s experiments during his years in lockup led him to discover Neo-Plasmic Energy (or NPE for short). NPE is harvested from a donor and consists of an electrical like energy which when administered right after Re-Agent, creates a way more life like reanimated subject. Instead of your crazed, mindless homicidal reanimated subject, when NPE is applied, the subject doesn’t decay and seems to keep their humanity. A strange and funny transformation occurs when West reanimates the Warden and applies the NPE gathered from a rat – it’s awesome.

Like all these movies, things get out of hand, and eventually it’s hard to tell who’s been reanimated and who hasn’t been. There’s a riot in the prison and the prisoner’s take over. Laura, who was killed by the Warden then reanimated by West and his new NPE process gets killed again. Phillips is left, mind bone and looking like a psycho-killer.  He’s arrested for the murder or Laura. West, posing as Dr. Phillips (after taking his identity card) escapes in to the night.

Whew…

These movies are excellent and deserve to be watched. Jeffrey Combs is masterful in the role of Doctor Herbert West. They have a very unique feel to them that I think only Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna can create. My descriptions of these movies did them a dis-service and I really strongly suggest you watch them.


Just a Quick Note!

Hey folks – hope you are all well. Over the last few days I completed watching the Re-Animator series, staring Jeffrey Combs and I have to say it was awesome. I previously posted a review for the Re-Animator, but I am working on a write up of all three together. That should be done either tonight or tomorrow sometime. Look for it, but in the mean time go watch these movies!!!


Castle Freak (1995)–Stuart Gordon Strikes Again With a Lovecraft Inspired Tale

CastleFreakposterOver the last week or so I’ve come to a conclusion: Stuart Gordon, the Director behind Society, From Beyond, The Re-Animator and MANY more films is just awesome at what he does: making weirdly compelling and original horror movies. Castle Freak is no exception.

Gordon brings together some of his favourite actors, Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton who play John and Susan Riley, a troubled married couple who along with their blind daughter travel to Italy to visit the 12th century castle that John has inherited from a recently deceased Duchess.

The couple plan on selling the estate once a proper inventory of the estates assets is compiled. While completing this task  the family plans on staying in the castle.

Almost immediately they hear strange noises. The daughter decides to follow a cat and some sounds and believes she has heard another person in the house. Being blind, she can only describe what she hears… Her mother believes that she is imagining things. The weird noises continue, and the seemingly spontaneous breaking of a large mirror gets John thinking that there might be more going on here than just the normal noises of a very old castle.

Soon we find out why the couple is having troubles, when a flashback shows an incident where John was driving his daughter and son home one night, drunk, and gets into an accident. The accident kills their son and blinds their daughter. Asking his wife if she’ll ever forgive him, she says no, and admits that it’s her plan to make him keep suffering for the incident. Upset and enrages, John heads to town where he gets drunk and pick up an attractive hooker. He takes her back to the castle and they have sex. When he is done he tells her to go. Little does John know that the source of the sounds is actually a horribly disfigured man that had been held in one of the castle’s dungeons, and that he has escaped his captivity (by biting off his thumb in order to escape manacles. This man capture’s the prostitute and sexually mutilates her. John is considered the prime suspect ands is taken into custody by the local police when the body of the prostitute and his maid are found.

John, in the meantime has figured out that the one causing the issues is actually the son of the duchess, who despite being reported as dead, was kept in the dungeon and beaten. No one believes him though. HE tries to convince the police who will have none of that. Eventually escaping and heading back to the castle to save his family, John and the creature fight on the roof with tragic consequences.

There’s quite a twist thrown in somewhere past the middle of the film regarding John’s relationship with the beast and the Duchess that I won’t reveal here. This film feels like a Stuart Gordon film and definitely is getting recommended by me.

Watch this film and check out the trailer below:


From Beyond (1986) Lovecraftian Weirdness in the Late 1980s

FrombeyondposterFrom Beyond is a wild, weird film based (loosely) on an HP Lovecraft tale of the same name. It tells the tale of a genius scientist and his assistant, who built s resonating machine that stimulates the pineal glands in one’s mind, opening one up to another dimension od creatures, and making one visible to them also.

There’s just one problem: the other dimension is full of danger and a pure evil, brain eating creature – that’s all.

From Stuart Gordon, creator of the excellent Re-Animator as well as the recently watched and reviewed Society, he has created another masterpiece of dark weirdness that makes me ask why it’s taken so damned long to watch them. Staring Jeffrey Combs (you might remember him from The Re-Animator and various Star Trek gigs), as Crawford Tillinghast, assistant to Dr. Edward Pretorius (played by Ted Sorel). Crawford has been wrongfully accused of the murder of Dr. Pretorius, after one of their sessions with the resonator left Dr. Pretorius a headless body. With no evidence other than a body and a very agitated Crawford, leaves only one credible suspect. Never mind that he’s claiming he’s innocent and that a creature from another dimension killed Pretorius – I mean, that’s crazy… right?

Yeah, he’s so worked up that they put him in a mental hospital where a Dr. Katherine McMichaels (Barbara Crampton) takes over his case. When a brain scan shows that Crawford had an enlarged pineal gland, she is convinced that there may be something to his story, and that perhaps he’s not a murderer after all. Getting permission to leave the hospital with Crawford, and an escort from Detective Bubba Brownlee (played by the always great Ken Foree). Once there, McMichaels gets Crawford, against his better judgment, to rebuild the resonator. Acivating the device they all see the creatures Crawford described. Despite his warnings, they all act like jerks and don’t take any precautions that Crawford insists on. Bubba get bit by a nasty alternate dimensional jellyfish like creature.

The experience seems to drive McMichaels who is compelled to run the machine again, thinking she can control the experience. Crawford had seen this compulsion before, in Dr. Pretorius – the compulsion that got his head bitten off. Against both Crawford and Bubba’s advice, McMichaels starts the resonator again, and this time meets the creature that ate Pretorius. Apparently, by eating the brain of a victim, it/he absorbs their memories and experiences – and he craves more. At the same time, the extended exposure to the resonator is changing Crawford, who’s pineal gland is growing like crazy – so much so that it pops out of the center of his forehead. Another thing that grows in him is a hunger… a hunger for human brains.

Oh there’s more… And I think you should watch this movie.

This was a very cool movie that I highly recommend. Look for it and watch it – it’s worth it.

Check out the trailer below: