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The Vineyard (1989)–Everybody’s Favourite Asian “That Guy” Makes a Movie–Too Bad It Sucks

vyard_So I had a little time before work today and decided to fill it watching a cheezy movie suggested by Netflix: 1989’s The Vineyard. Maybe I should have taken a nap instead.

Written, directed and starring James Hong, a venerable actor that seems t have been in everything from the TV show MASH to Kung Fu Panda (the voice of the Master) and almost everything in between. It’s just too bad that this was the movie that he decided to make.

The Vineyard tells the tale of a Winemaker, Dr. Elson Po who invites a group of young aspiring actors and friends to his island vineyard under the pretence that he wants to make a movie. Well, things are not really as they seem and neither is Dr. Po.

Dr. Po is ancient and stays young(ish) and healthy by way of a secret potion that requires the blood (or some other vital fluid) from young people. He has kept himself alive for centuries like this, and that is the real reason this group has been brought to this island: so Po can harvest more of whatever to stay young. One bonus? One of the girls, (a hottie played by Karen Lorrie),  seems to be his “chosen”” one with whom he plans to marry.

So… bad stuff happens to them, there’s a rescue attempt. There’s some Zombie like creatures. We see Po’s even more ancient mother… there’s some late 80s boobs. And the movie sucks.

Want to watch a bad, cheezy movie? Even if you do, you can watch something other than this. Hell – I like bad movies and this couldn’t keep my interest. This is a seriously boring attempt at a horror movie and doesn’t even have that “so bad that you have to see it” type cachet.

Here’s the trailer if you are interested, and as noted, it’s available on Netflix.

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