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Archive for August, 2013

Cheerleader Ninjas (2002)–And This Is a Movie Too

CheerleaderninjasOh Man… Watch Cheer Leader Ninjas… or perhaps, don’t.
I did and laughed a lot, though it is really very stupid. This is pretty close the lowest level of a movie, quality wise (in all areas) that I still found funny enough to not be a complete waste of my time. That’s right: it was a waste of time, just not a waste of all my time. Catholic school bad girls versus cheerleaders, a bunch of nerds and some plot of a computer virus turning people into Internet zombies… I think. Lot’s of tits and ass girls fighting girls. Totally base humour of the lowest kind, and I feel guilty admitting I laughed here and there. In some ways this movie reminded me of something Troma might have created, though I don’t think there is any link between the Troma and this film other than it’s an oddball movie, and Troma is known for oddball movies. I’m not convinced that a lot of this movie wasn’t filmed at or around some sort of school like institution, and really: way too many fart jokes (any are usually too many). But to be honest, if you can appreciate a movie for how utterly silly it is, then you too, on some weird animal part of your psyche might garner some level of entertainment from this stupid movie. Uh.. I’ve seen worse.

Here is the trailer… You decide from there:

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From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)–I Used To Hate This Movie–I was Wrong

fromdusktilldawnI watched this movie in the theatre back in ‘96 when it first came out and I remember just hating this movie. Hell, for years I would tell people just how bad I thought this movie was. Yep, I couldn’t stand it. I re-watched it last night and realize I was wrong to hate it – This is a great movie.

Essentially a Vampire movie, with a lot of little twists and turns, From Dusk Till Dawn has a great cast. Starring George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino as two brothers, Seth and Richard Gecko, on the lam and heading for Mexico after Richard broke Seth out of jail, and left a trail of bodies in their wake. Harvey Keitel stars as Jacob Fuller, a Pastor that has lost his faith after the death of his beloved wife. Juliette Lewis and Ernest Liu play his children, Kate and Scott Fuller. The Fuller’s are on a vacation, driving in their motorhome, when they are commandeered by the Gecko Brothers and forced to smuggle them into Mexico, where the Gecko’s are preparing to start a new life away from the authorities, after meeting up with a contact at a pre-arranged meeting place: a raucous bar named the Titty Twister.

Once at the bar, Seth starts things off on a negative note by beating the crap out of the doorman/shouter (played by Cheech Marin). Once inside, things continue on a negative, when the bartender (played by Danny Trejo) refuses to serve the group, saying that this bar is for Bikers and Truckers only. Jacob sets things “right” by using a little logic. Things seem to be going swimmingly when the doorman confronts Seth and Richard. A fight breaks out, Seth and Richard shoot a few guys… Richard’s hand, shot in the first scene of the movie starts dripping blood, which starts a chain reaction… You see, this bar is a major Vampire hang out and he just started a feeding frenzy. The always beautiful Selma Hayek, playing the super sexy Santanico Pandemonium is the first to attack. Before I go on, let me stress just how hot Selma Hayek looks in this move. I know she always looks hot, but MAN does she look good in this movie. Okay, I digressed… All of a sudden it looks like a Vampire apocalypse. A shit load of folks get killed, but the humans star turning the tide. Seth confronts Jacob, making him decide on which side of belief he’s gonna’ sit, and they hatch a plan. Time to fight Vamps or die.

This movie is an action packed, rollercoaster ride adventure. Combining Tarantino’s writing and Robert Rodriguez was sheer brilliance. The characters are interesting (Tarantino’s Richard is absolutely crazy – a loathsome animal of a man), and there isn’t a dull moment. Oh, and Cheech Marin (of Cheech and Chong fame) plays not one but three separate characters.

Watch this movie.

Here is the trailer:


Forbidden World (1982)–Pretty Generic Monster Sci-Fi

forbidden-worldI watched Forbidden World not expecting much – I wasn’t disappointed.

A generic feeling early 80’s Sci-Fi movie, this is a dark and visually muddy movie. A specialist is sent to a planet where experiments in creating a high protein  food source has gone awry when the creature the scientists have created (a mutant, hybrid between human and whatever), goes rogue and starts killing and transforming the crew of the outpost.

The mature creature looks a little like an obese version of the Alien from, well.. Alien, and it’s pre-transformation looks a little like a you might see inhabiting the thermal vents of the Marianas trench. The actors are people I’ve never heard of, there’s a little bit of 80’s breast and that’s it.

I’ve seen worse, but I’ve also seen much better. This movie seems to have a little bit of a cult following. I wonder if that is due to people who saw the movie at a young and impressionable age.

Anyway, I watched it on Netflix.

Here is the trailer:


The Dead Mile (2013)–Flawed But Very Fun Independent Zombie Film… And It’s Canadian!

DeadmileSo, I just watched a Zombie movie that was filmed in my home city of Calgary, Alberta, Canada. It was a low budget film, and it lacked polish and there was some questionable performances. You know what? Who cares – this was a fun, silly Zombie film.

The Dead Mile is a truly Canadian movie that combines hockey, a Zombie Walk and real Zombies to create an end of society, Zombie outbreak movie that delivers on the fun and the gore. A group of friends are preparing for an annual Zombie Walk when an actual, cow transmitted Zombie virus hits the city. The Zombie Walk participants are actually turning into Zombies, and our little group of friends need to find a way to survive. One of our characters, Tyler, works for a dick, Kevin Wong, who owns a comic shop, who is hosting a a signing event for a couple of horror stars to coincide with the Zombie Walk. Well these two get wrapped up in the whole Zombie outbreak and join forces with Kevin and his friends. They are soon joined by two simple, hockey obsessed guys, who suggest they make a break for the hockey/ice rink – a fortress according to them. Of course, like in all Zombie films, the fortress is never quite as… fortressy (yes, I know that’s not a real word – but it’s my blog so nananana-boo-boo), as they hope. One by one the group is diminished as members fall prey to the Zombie hordes. You know, like in a Zombie movie.

This movie is low budget and flawed, but really, who cares: most Zombie movies are. At least this movie delivers on the humour, and for a low budget film, it manages to look pretty good (and thank you for not finding it necessary to make the film look grungy and 70’s like – that works when for 70’s films only – you deserve kudos for not doing that). They also deliver on the gore, like a true Zombie movie should. I say this is worth a watch, especially if you are Canadian, and even more so if you are from Calgary. The movie’s writer/Director , K.J. Kleefeld and his crew did an admirable job. The film it self is available to rent online at https://vimeo.com/ondemand/thedeadmile for $4.99 – I though it was a little steep for a rental of an independent film, but I said “What the Hell,” I’m supporting a small film maker” (who just happens to be local – GO CANADA!!!). Check out the trailer below, and then go spend $4.99, you cheap bastard, and help some independent film makers.


G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)–Not a Smart Movie, But a Fun Movie

G.I._Joe_RetaliationYou don’t watch a G.I. Joe movie looking for award winning performances, but you should watch them for a fun movie full of action and explosions – this G.I. Joe movie delivers at that.

In Retaliation, the President of the United States has been replaced by face changing bad guy, Zartan (played by Arnold Vosloo), who is in the process of transforming the United States from Peacekeeper to war happy nation. Under the guise of securing a rogue nuclear device and keeping it out of the hands of terrorists, the (fake) President orders the G.I. Joe team into action. Once they complete the initial part of the mission, the G.I . Joe team is attacked in an impressive show of explosions and firepower. The team is pretty much decimated aside from a few key Joes. Vowing vengeance for their fallen brethren, the three remaining Joe’s start off looking for the one who betrayed them. Meanwhile, back in the States, fake president Zartan has made the Joe’s look like traitors and terrorists, and announced that Anerica’s new super militay team is now Cobra. Also, he’s convened a gathering of the leaders of the nations o the world with Nuclear devices in order to talk disarmament… Yeah right – he’s Evil!. A few more twists and some more explosions and some tense situations later… and the good guys end up winning (come on, it’s a G.I. Joe movie – you don’t really think there’s any chance of the bad guys winning do you?).

So, I am old, and when I was interested in G.I. Joe, he wasn’t a little 4 inch character but big enough to date Barbie and kick Ken’s ass. Pretty sure this is based on the 80’s to present version of G.I. Joe – not an important point, but I had to put this out there.

Staring Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis and (for a short while) Channing Tatum, Retaliation is not suffering from big stars. At times I found myself a little confused as to who was good and who was bad, and for a movie based on a series of Toys, man there is a lot of killing. Sure, I know this is a War toy, and I was not offended in any way, shape or form, but was surprised nonetheless. But overall this was an entertaining action film.

Check out the trailer below.


Soylent Green (1973) – Slow Burning Sci-Fi

Soylent_greenIt seems to me that it is amazing that it took until yesterday for me to finally watch the 1973 Sci-Fi classic, Soylent Green, but it’s true and I am glad I finally did so.

Soylent Green takes place in New York City in 2022. The world is struggling to feed the masses a,d the human diet is primarily soy and plankton wafers (of different colours and quality) made by the Solent company. The wafers are found in red, yellow and the new, higher quality Soylent Green variety. When When New York city Police Detective Robert Thorn (played by Charlton Heston), is called to investigate the murder William R. Simonson, he discovers the dirty truth behind the Soylent corporation and their new wonder product, Soylent Green.

This movie paints an interesting if bleak view of the not so distant future: The humanity is struggling to feed it’s masses, while the upper crust lives in relative opulence. Rich executives have concubines (referred to as furniture) included with the rent of their homes. They get access to real foods instead of waiting in never ending lines for an allotment of tasteless survival food. Thorn’s persistent investigating turns up something very disturbing about the Soylent corporations new miracle food Soylent Green… Something that would definitely make it much less palatable .

This is an important Sci-Fi film, and I definitely suggest you watch it. It’s a bit slow, and if your Sci-Fi requires spaceships and laser guns, then don’t watch this as it will disappoint. But if you enjoy a good story then check it out.


The Keep (1983)–Should Have Kept Hidden

Keepposter1983’s The Keep is a long winded, confusing crappy storry about Nazi’s that release some ancient evil from a “Keep.:

Yeah, this is an ambitious tale, staring the usually amazing Sir Ian McKellen (actually, he’s the only strong part of this film)  and a handful of others that I won’t even bother looking up.  I couldn’t even pay attention, and I had NO distractions. If you read this blog even semi regularly, you know that it doesn’t take much for me to find something to like in a movie. I mean, lots of crappy 80’s synthesizer music, dry ice fog and Nazis and Demons…Should be good enough but it wasn’t.

Don’t bother with this one folks. And to think I almost bought the Blu-Ray!