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Robocop 1987 Vs. Robocop 2014

Hey folks! Here is my Review/comparison of 1987’s Robocop versus 2014’s Robocop. I loved the original and was a little (okay, more than a little)…nervous…yeah, nervous about the reboot. Well, it’s pretty good. Better than the original? Chaeck out my video review below and find out.

Also, when you are done that, go to colexions.com to check out all the retro gaming goodness there.


A New Beginning: I Will Be Doing Movie Reviews For My Favourite Retro Site!

Hey hey hey!!!

So, my fine feathered friends, I have a little news for you all. Not only will I continue writing my reviews for this blog, but I have also been asked to supply movie reviews for my favourite gaming community over at colexions.com. If haven’t been there and are a fan of retro gaming and collecting, then I suggest you go NOW. Check out other collectors and all their goodies, and get yourself registered and share your own collection.

I’m pretty excited to start contributing my reviews over there. I think I may go with video reviews, something that I am considering for this site also, though I haven’t made a firm decision on that as of yet. Check out the really short (and really cheezy), intro video I created for colexions.com below:


Hola Spanish Friends!

Just thought I’d share the fact that for the first time since I set this blog up, I have had more visitors from Spain than any other country, today.

Welcome and please tell your friends that they are welcome here also!

 


**EDIT** WE HAVE A WINNER** Get a Copy Of Manborg on DVD FOR FREE!!!

Okay folks, we have a WINNER!!!

Congrats to Scott T. of Calgary, Alberta, Canada for being the one that is first to respond. You sir, will have yourself a copy of Manborg.

Watch the Video, then email me at catfishkempster@gmail.com


The Zombie Diaries (2006)–Everyone Attached to This Film Should Be Ashamed of Themselves

zdbSo I watched the 2006 movie, Zombie Diaries last night. It was easily the worse zombie movie I’ve seen.

It was worse than Zombie Babies (which I also hated).

Everyone attached to this movie should have been banned from ever attempting to create anything artistic. And guess what? They made a sequel.

So… What’s wrong with the movie? It’s boring and poorly made. Oh, did I mention that it was boring?

Don’t watch this piece of shit.

Trailer? Oh, why the hell not:


New Blog Host – And The Cheezy Movie Contest

viewingAlright folks, I’ve moved the blog from Tumblr due to some formatting options that Tumblr seemed to do away with. Eventually I will be moving it over to Squarespace, but since that’s a paid service, it might be a little while before I can justify that move.

Anyway, let me know what you think, pro or con about the blog on the host.

And…

THE CHEEZY MOVIE DVD GIVE AWAY CONTEST!!!

Okay, it’s this easy: Answer the two really easy questions below (feel free to use Google), and you can win some cheezy movie (title not decided yet but it’ll be cheezy). Just email your answers (and your mailing address) and the first four correct answers will get…some cheezy movie sent to them in the mail. That’s it and that’s all.

Here are the questions:

1. Who wrote and directed the infamous crappy movie, Plan 9 From Outer Space?

2. Robert Beltran played the title character, Raoul from the movie, Eating Raoul. He went on to play what character on the Star Trek Voyager television series?

Click Here to send in your answers (remember to put your mailing address in the email!)


Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) – Yes It’s Cheezy, Yes It’s Dumb and Yes I liked It

Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) got her start on a TV station, introducing campy horror movies on a late night TV show. Dressed as a sexy, large breasted raven haired sex-vamp, she rose to the top of Pop culture in the 1980s and 1990s and her posters covered countless walls of teenage boys lusting after that fantastic figure (especially those boobs…especially those boobs).

Well this is Elvira’s movie. It tells the story of Elvira, fresh from quitting her TV job and planning on starting a Las Vegas show, but finding herself $70,000 short. Suddenly she gets word that her great Aunt has passed away and she has inherited her estate, a run down house and a “cook book.” Her appearance in this small town creates quite a ruckus, as the town have very strict rules on what is and what is not allowed: no sex and no violence in media… Just a boring little place. Elvira drives the powers to be crazy with her sexy appearance. Trying to make the best of things she gets to work on sprucing up the house with the help of the local youths. At the same time, her Great Uncle is trying to get that cook book of her aunt’s.

Well, it turns out that things in Elvira’s family are not as they seem, and she is part of a magical, ancient family that control the darkness. Her uncle wants the cookbook as is really a book of magic and spells, and possessing it during the upcoming Lunar Eclipse would seal his power as master of the dark. Of course Elvira has to stop this.

So, this is a stupid, silly movie and at times it seems like Elvira is trying to be Rodney Dangerfield with her delivery of her lines. That said, this is good, cheezy fun and I enjoyed every minute of this terrible film. Should you watch it?  Damn straight you should.

Check out the trailer:


The Bay (2012) – What’s the Matter, Parasite Got Your Tongue?

2012’s The Bay is an environmental horror film with one message: stop polluting the water.

Chesapeake Bay, New England has a water pollution problem that the mayor is ignoring. The town’s chicken processing plant is dumping raw sewage into the bay and that is directly affecting the ecosystem of the bay0 Huge die offs of fish is the first sign that something’s wrong. A team of two divers working for environmental agencies are documenting what they find in the bay. On land, a college reporter, in town to document t he town’s summer festivities gets caught up in the story being one of the only news reporters in town when it gets quarantined.

This town is falling apart fast – It’s eventually determined that what is affecting everyone and everything is a parasite that is growing at an alarmingly fast rate due to the waste that’s been dumped into the bay. People are dying horrible deaths, eaten from the inside out.

Shot as a documentary made up of reports and self shot videos as well as some lost footage, the Bay stays interesting if not amazing. I watched it on the suggestion of a friend, and despite some really bad reviews on the Internet Movie Database, I enjoyed it for the most part.

Worth a watch? Well, it wasn’t terrible but you decide for yourself.

Check out the trailer below:


An Interview With Russ Meyer – Conan O’Brien

This is kind of cool: an interview with one of the Kings of the Bib-Boob B-Movie Drive In movies, Russ Meyer from the Conan O’Brien show.

Enjoy!


The Fast And The Furious (1955) – Don’t Worry – This One’s Good: It Doesn’t Have Vin Diesel

image

I’m pretty sure if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you most likely know I like Roger Corman films. Well this is no different: A Corman film that I like.

1955’s The Fast and The Furious tells the story of a man, Frank Webster (played by John Ireland) who was wrongly accused of murder and wanting to clear his name. Being pursued by police, Webster is forced to take a woman, Connie Adair (played by Dorothy Malone) hostage and steal her car, with Webster hoping to make it to the Mexican border, and freedom beyond it. In order to avoid police road blocks, they pose as entrants in an antique auto race. The fact that Connie knows some of the entrants makes things a little sticky. Along this crazy adventure, Connie falls for Frank and vice/versa. A tale of injustice and love, this movie has schlock written all over it – luckily it’s short and doesn’t give enough time to get sick of it. Actually, clocking in at one hour and sixteen minutes, this movie is just about the perfect length for it’s subject matter.

Oh, and don’t go thinking that that crappy Fast and Furious film is a remake of this film – watch The Chase with Charlie Sheen to see the true remake of this film.

Should you watch it? Hell Yeah…

Heck, here’s the whole damned movie:

 

 


I Didn’t Come Here to Die (2010) – If You Go Down In The Woods To day You’re in For a Poked Out Eye

image2010’s I Didn’t Come Here To Die is one of the generation of new Grindhouse style movies that seem to be gaining cachet with the alternative movie market, but does it properly.

A group of young adult have volunteers to break ground on a new camp for under privileged children. A mish-mash of personalities, these folks are brought together in the woods for what is supposed to be about a year. They are working on getting a campsite setup by clearing trails, digging fire pits and such. Being young, there is the usual sexual tension between some of the people.

On the first or second night, the group starts drinking around a camp fire (that never seems to be lit), and things get weird when one of the two group leaders, who comes off as a prude, and has been ridiculed by the others for being square (and dressing like a “Mom”), starts drinking and gets a little crazy, jumping on the bad boy of the group and basically demanding sex. Another girl pushes her of and they have a verbal spat . The leaders storms of and quickly gets injured…awesomely.

What follows is a series of accidents and not so accidents. Brutalities caused by stupidity, followed by brutalities caused by fear and humanities brutality that lies just below it’s surface.

This is a low budget movie, but that’s okay: there’s no real need for a big budget, and they did well with the little money that they did spend. Both brutal and fun, I say watch this movie if you like slasher/people in the woods style movies, though it’s not a slasher film. This film is actually pretty original. Watch it!

Here’s the trailer:


Zombies Vs. Strippers (2012) – Stupid, Yet Still Fun

 

imageAlright, by the title of the blog, you’ve got to know that I like bad movies. That must be the reason I like this one.

Zombies Vs. Strippers is a silly tale about a few strippers, the club owner, the bouncer and a couple of patrons that hole up inside a strip club at the outbreak of a Zombie Virus. Pretty straight forward. The acting’s not awesome (at the same time, it’s not the worse I’ve seen by a long shot), and the budget, like all these type of movies is pretty small, but that’s okay – I didn’t expect and award winning performance like Gandhi or anything – It was good enough to be fun.

Zombies, boobs and laughs – good enough to justify the short, one hour and fourteen minute run time.

If you like B-Movies, then go ahead and watch this movie – just don’t expect too much.


Monkey Shines (1988) – Who’s a Cute Homicidal Helper Monkey?

In celebration of George A. Romero’s 73 birthday we decided to watch 1988’s Monkey Shines. I haven’t seen this movie since it was released originally and my memories of it were vague. Heck, I didn’t even know it was a Romero film until my friend suggested we watch it due to Romero’s already mentioned birthday. I’m glad I re-watched it.

Monkey Shines is the store of Allen Mann (played by Jason Beghe), a young man in the physical prime of his life who is rendered a quadriplegic when he is hit by a vehicle while jogging. Not taking the transition well, Allen’s friend, Geoffrey Fisher (played by John Pankow), arranges to have one of the monkeys that he’s been injecting with a formula to make more intelligent trained as a helper for Allen. At first this works great. The monkey, now named Ella bonds will Allen immediately and proves herself to be a great assistant and companion.Already bright, it soon becomes apparent (to Allen, at least) that Ella may be even more intelligent than she lets on. He believes that she may be getting out at night and somehow projecting her adventures into his dreams. Allen, too is changing: he becomes more angry and unforgiving. Soon things start happening to the people and things that anger Allen, and the only explanation he can come up with is that Ella is in tune with his thoughts and feelings and is acting on his dark thought. When Allen shares this belief  everyone around him just thinks he’s imagining things. Ella works up a significant body count b at the time before anyone finally clues in that it is the monkey.

Back in 1988 when I first saw this film I didn’t really appreciate it, and remember being a little disappointed with the movie. I’m not entirely sure why, but I remember that is how I felt at that time. I don’t know what I was expecting, but perhaps the 18-19 year old me was a dumb-ass.

This movie was pretty damned good, and I definitely suggest it as a watch. 

Check out the trailer below:


Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight (1995) – Comic Book Based Horror That Stays Entertaining

I’m not sure why I hadn’t seen this movie before last night, as I was a fan of the Tales From the Crypt comic book and TV show, and was aware that this movie existed. Oh Well, I watched it, finally.

The story is this: there is a man being chased by Billy Zane who is either a demon or the Devil himself. Zane’s character is trying to get the seventh and final “key” that would release the demons of Hell onto Earth en mass. That key is a bottle that contains blood of certain people (starting with the blood of Christ) that are chosen to keep it, and the world safe from the evil trying to escape hell. The holder of this key/blood bottle is imbued with powers, add the blood itself can be used to destroy and to protect. 

In this movie, the most recent keeper, pursued by Zane’s character holes up in an old church converted to a hotel/hostel. Followed there, the keeper tries to protect a group that really doesn’t understand that they are really in trouble. Eventually, they figure out that the danger is real – especially when Zane punched THROUGH the head of the sheriff.

So, this movie is definitely cheezy. Heck it’s really cheezy. Who cares, though, as this is a really fun horror movie. Not an award winner in any way, shape or form, but fun.

Check out the trailer below:


Grabbers (2012) – Stay Drunk, Stay Safe and Most Importantly Stay Irish

Well, this was a pleasant surprise!

Grabbers is a 2012 Irish Sci-fi horror film that comes out of no where and leaves you wondering why you never heard of this film before. I’m serious: I really like this film.

What’s it all about? Lisa Nolan, a police officer from the city takes a temporary assignment as a police officer in a small fishing village on an Irish island. There she is teamed up with a drunk of a cop that spends his time in an alcoholic haze while fighting crime that just doesn’t exist. Shortly after her arrival, an alien streaks to earth like a meteorite and crashes into the sea nearby. The alien, obviously hungry after it’s trip through space, starts off by devouring the crew of a fishing vessel that saw the crash and had gone to investigate. Eventually (well, pretty quickly actually) the creature (or creatures) end up on the island itself when a fisherman traps one in a lobster trap. Thinking he’s going to be rich, he takes it home with him. Eventually it turn on him and he has to kill it (kinda’). Taking the …corpse to a local scientist, it’s discovered that it’s like no other creature ever recorded. Like a cross between an octopus, a squid, a lamprey and a monster from an old pulp sci-fi story from the 50s, this thing is hungry, aggressive and reproductive. Oh, and add a taste for blood, yes there you have the monster. This thing kills quickly and without mercy. It has one downfall: it can’t handle alcohol in the blood of it’s victims. Basically it’s allergic to the stuff. The cops, one of whom is conveniently a raging alcoholic, have to keep the town drunk for about 24 hours while they wait for help from the coast guard and or military (it’s an island, remember?).

Watch it. Watch it watch it watch it.

Here’s the trailer:


Just Arrived: A Box of 40 HD-DVD Movies (Player to Arrive Next Week)

So I bought a box of 40 HD-DVD movies on Ebay last week and they jusy arrives. What is HD-DVD? It was the format that lost out to Blu-Ray. Same resolution, different incompatible format (remember the Bets vs. VHS video casstte war? This is the Beta of high definition formats). This is a dead format. Why would I buy them if it’s a dead format? They were super cheap, like the HD-DVD add on for the XBOX 360. A crap load of HD movies for cheap is a no brainer to me. I paid $40 for 40 movies and I am super happy about it.

Here’s the list of movies:

Adventures of Robin Hood, The
Ant Bully, The
Arctic Tale
Aviator, The

Batman Begins
Beowulf
Blades of Glory
Caddyshack
Constantine
Corpse Bride
Dead Silence
Disturbia
Dreamgirls
Failure to Launch
Four Brothers
Fugitive, The
Goodfellas
Happy Feet
Heartbreak Kid
Hot Rod
Jerk, The
Kiss Kiss bang Bang
Lethal Weapon
Last Samurai, The
Mighty Heart, A
Million Dollar Baby
Nacho Libre
Next
Norbit
Ocean’s Thirteen
Perfect Storm, The
Polar Express, the
Searchers, the
Superman Returns
Swordfish
TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Training Day
Transformers
Unforgiven


Deadgirl (2008) – Zombie Sex Slave and Some Characters I hate

So, I watched Deadgirl last night at the suggestion a friend and, well I gotta say I wasn’t blown away.

The gist of the story is that two guys (one an asshole and one an emo loser) skip school and go hang out at a local abandoned mental hospital. Once there they run around the place throwing stuff and breaking whatever they can find that isn’t already broken. In the midst of all this they discover a closed door and force it open. In the now open room they find a naked woman, chained to a cot. At first they both don’t know what to do until the asshole decided he wants to rape the woman. Emo guy wants nothing of this and leaves. He comes back later and asshole is till there and has discovered something: She’s a zombie. How did he discover this? He broke her neck (yeah, I know), and she is still alive…

Okay, I said enough. This is not a good movie and I will not suggest it as a watch. And you know what is the worst part part of this movie? The friggin’ shitty sound track.

I don’t like this movie.


Ozombie (2012) – Terrorist Zombie Movie

Ozombie is a 2012 low budget Zombie movie where al-Qaeda uses a mutated germ warfare agent to turn people in to zombies and unleash them against the coalition forces in Iraq.

This is a silly movie with unbelievable acting by poor actors. The characters are not really likable and any military that would hire them deserves to lose any war or battle that they enter. Add a sister stupidly searching for her equally stupid brother who decided that it is up to him to go to Iraq and single handedly capture or Kill Osama Bin-Laden. Uh…yep.

So, this a stupidly dumb movie that really doesn’t deserve a recommendation, yet it was still fun and if you are looking for a mindless movie with Zombies that can make you laugh once in a while, then go ahead and watch – I’ve seen worse.


Dredd (2012) – So… This is a Movie

I watched the new Judge Dredd movie, Dredd, a couple of nights ago and have this to say: Yeah, this is a Judge Dredd Movie.

For the most part, I think that’s all that really needs to be said, but for the sake of the blog I’ll write a bit more.

Did you see the original Judge Dredd movie starring Sylvester Stalone? Well, that one had more going on than this movie. I’m not saying it was better – it wasn’t – but there was more going on. The story of this movie? Who cares. It’s a dark action movie with some entertaining gunfight and explosions, characters that I just couldn’t care less about. It’s not a bad movie, it’s just a movie I could take or leave.

This is a movie. Watch it if you like.

Here’s the trailer:


John Dies at the End (2012) – A Wild Wacky Movie That Barely Makes Sense That You Should See

imageJohn Dies At The End is a weird tale of a couple of drop outs, exposed to a weird drug that allows them to see into another dimension and leaves them as protectors of our world from a possible invasion for that said dimension.

A movie by Don Coscarelli, the man who brought us the masterpieces Bubba Ho-Tep and the Phantasm series (amongst other films) has created a stylish, surrealistic weird movie that kept me confused and riveted at the same time. A couple of dope smoking, drinking roommates, Dave and John attend a big party where they meet Robert Marley who introduces them to a new drug with the weirdest of properties: a lone with distorting time, it also allows you to see into other dimensions and the evil that lives there. The drug also blurs the line between life and death. In fact, there are several times when it is not obvious if the characters on screen are alive or something…else. Throw in a police officer who has also seen a glimpse into this world and is doing his best to removea any trace of it, by any means possible. The story itself is told as a flashback while Dave relates the story to a reporter, Arnie Blondestone (played by Paul Giamatti).

This is really a hard movie to describe because it’s really not like anything I’ve seen before. All I can really say is that if you have an open mind for weird (but good) movies, then you really should see this film.

Check out the trailer below:


The Punisher (1989) – Damn, This Was Kick Ass

I meant to see this movie in the theatre when it came out. Then I meant to rent this movie on VHS when it came out on home video. Then I meant to watch this movie on DVD when it was finally released that way. Well I didn’t. I finally watched it this morning, though, and I am glad I did.

The Punisher is a movie based on a comic of the same name. It’s the story of a Police Officer that lost his family to criminals and was assumed dead him self. HE has taken up the persona of The Punisher and does just that: punish the criminals that slip through the cracks of the Justice system.

Starring Dolph Lundgren as Frank Castle, a.k.a. The Punisher, and Lou Gossett Jr. as Jake Berkrowitz, the Police officer that believes Frank is still alive and actually is the Punisher, though no one else seems to share this belief. In the movie, the traditional Mob crime syndicate is being squeezed by the Japanese Yakuza criminal organization. They are looking to take over the criminal trade and make the mob work for them. The Yakuza taking 75% of the profits, leaving the Mob a measly 25%. Knowing the Mob would not be receptive to this, the Yakuza has kidnapped the children of the Mob family heads as bargaining chips. The Punisher has made it his job to rescue the children while making both sides pay for their indiscretions. 

There’s a lot of action in this movie and while no awards winner, it is definitely entertaining if you go into the testosterone fueled ass kicking, gun shooting style movie – and why would you not. I have to say that I am glad that I have finally seen this movie and I do not hesitate to recommend it. Check it out if you haven’t yet.

Here’s the trailer:


Diary of the Dead (2007) – Romero Zombie Films Are Still the Best

You know, I thought I had seen this film before… and then I watched it this past weekend only to find I was wrong.

George Romero’s 2007 Diary of the Dead tells the tale of a group of University students who, while attempting to make a Zombie film, end up documenting their experiences during a Zombie Outbreak.

While filming a scene in the woods for a University project, the group starts hearing reports of chaos in the cities and towns, with rumours of the dead rising up and feasting on the living. Add to the news footage, video clips that people are uploading to social networking sites, and the group starts getting a picture of just how widespread the outbreak is. They decide to travel together to each other’s homes (or whatever destinations they have picked. Along the way they see more and more evidence of this outbreak, and lose a number of their entourage along the way. They run into a couple of groups (one good and one bad), but make progress on their journey.

This is another “Shakycam” film, where it is supposed to be made up of footage taken from a person that is experiencing things and filming said experiences. This type of movie can be very crappy, but happily that isn’t the case here. I found this movie well made and entertaining. While it’s no Night of the Living Dead, or Dawn of the Dead, it is still a fun, entertaining Zombie film from the Master, George A. Romero.

Check out the trailer here:


Billion Dollar Brain (1967) – Cold War Computer Espionage

Well here’s a movie that I’m surprised I never heard of. Billion Dollar Brain is an 1969 espionage film staring the always great Michael Caine and the late Karl Malden. Michael Caine plays a retired British secret agent who is hired to deliver a package in Helsinki, while being re-recruited (against his will) by MI-6 – the Spy agency he has retired from.

This is a confusing tale of back stabbing and multiple levels of deceit where it’s hard to really figure out who is really working for whom. There’s the Soviets, there’s Nato… the British and a computer who it is unclear who it’s working for until about three quarters of the way through the film, when we are introduced to the “General” – a billionaire Texan who is amassing a private army to assist in a planned uprising in Riga, Latvia.

As I said, there are many twists and turns and back stabbing in this film. Another very cool element is the fact that most of the espionage in this film is computer based – very forward looking. Michael Caine is awesome, too. I had never heard of this film until very recently, and I am happy to recommend this film. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I did. 

Check out the trailer here:


V/H/S (2012) – Plethora of Point of View Horror Stories Wrapped Up Into One

Well, this was interesting. VHS is a 2012 anthology of Point of View horror (you know, from the camera’s view as one of the characters). It’s one of the “shaky cam” movies that have risen since The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield (among others). While not an amazing film, it stays entertaining enough not to just be a waste of time.

The gist of the story is a group of thugs that tape themselves doing crime and then post the videos online have been hired to break into an old house and steal a VHS cassette. They are not told what tape, only that they will know it when they see it.

Upon entering the house, they find an apparently deceased old man sitting in a chair in front of a wall of TVs all hooked up to VCRs, all currently displaying static. The guys were told that the tape they were looking for would be found in the basement, so they all head down except for one of them who is instructed to stay in the room with the body. The guy left in the room decides to see what is on the tapes the old guy was watching… and it isn’t good. Each tape is a different tale of horror, be it extra terrestrial, supernatural or just plain humans being evil to humans. One common thing to all the videos: they were all self shot, point of view videos, like these hoods film. Not all of the individual stories are compelling, and the main story (the one about the guys entering the house to collect a tape) could have used some serious fleshing out, but over all the film is entertaining. This type of movie could easily be a total crapfest (and to be honest, that’s what I expected), but it was kept interesting enough for me. As I said at the beginning, this isn’t a great film, but I did find it entertaining and I have no problems suggesting at as a watch.

Check out the trailer below.