The Site For B-Movie Lovers

witch

Star Trek Movie IV–The Voyage Home (1986)–Captain: There Be Whales (and Hippies)

The_voyage_homeOn to episode four of the Star Trek movies.

Hmmm… Where to start? Taking place almost immediately after the last movie, The Search For Spock, The Voyage Home has the crew of the Enterprise heading for Earth to answer for their actions in that past movie.Well, on their way back they get news of an alien probe that has been leaving a trail of destruction while making directly for Earth. Along the way, it is continuously transmitting a strange, seemingly unintelligible signal. Once the probe reaches Earth, it starts directing it’s signal into the depths of the oceans – and not getting any reply, it starts vaporizing  said oceans.The crew of the Enterprise, now the crew of a Klingon Bird of Prey are tasked to find a solution to this problem. The still adjusting from returning from the dead Spock does some calculations and figures out that the signal is actually the call of the now (23rd century “now”), extinct Humpback Whale. Figuring that the only way to save the planet is to find some Humpback Whales, the crew decides to travel back in time and gather a few whales. They whip around the sun to travel back in time and end up in 1980’s San Francisco, where they soon discover that their are two Humpbacks at a Sea World like complex. They land the Bird of Prey in Golden Gate Park (thank you Klingon Cloaking device) and head out into the city to look for whales…Oh, and nuclear material…yes, they need nuclear material for the now fried Dilithium crystals. So for the next bit, the crew goes around San Francisco, making stupid mistakes (they are not part of this culture,folks), while trying to round up whales and nuclear materials.

So, typically, Kirk woos a marine biologist who is taking care of the whales in captivity, and one of the other crew gets captured (and injured badly), and there has to be a sneaky rescue…of course.

So the movie is funny in places, serious in others and addresses important environmental and ecological issues. Hell, I know many people who think this is the best Star Trek movie… I’m of the opinion that it is one of (but not THEE), worst Star Trek movies. Just too much “save the world” hippy crap. It’s still fun, just not my favourite.

Check out the trailer below:

Advertisements

The Keep (1983)–Should Have Kept Hidden

Keepposter1983’s The Keep is a long winded, confusing crappy storry about Nazi’s that release some ancient evil from a “Keep.:

Yeah, this is an ambitious tale, staring the usually amazing Sir Ian McKellen (actually, he’s the only strong part of this film)  and a handful of others that I won’t even bother looking up.  I couldn’t even pay attention, and I had NO distractions. If you read this blog even semi regularly, you know that it doesn’t take much for me to find something to like in a movie. I mean, lots of crappy 80’s synthesizer music, dry ice fog and Nazis and Demons…Should be good enough but it wasn’t.

Don’t bother with this one folks. And to think I almost bought the Blu-Ray!


Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (2013)–From Out of Nowhere Comes a Surprisingly Entertaining Retold Tale

HGBakedWell, I have to say that when this movie popped up on the list of titles that Netflix recommends me to watch, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. Then yesterday afternoon I received an email from a reader of the blog strongly suggesting that I watch it, saying that they were surprised at just how fun the movie was. Grudgingly, I decided to watch it for myself – And I am glad I did.

Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (HGGB) is a 2013 release that I am guessing was released to ride on what could have been the wave of a bigger budget Hansel and Gretel movie that seems to have actually fizzled – that’s okay though, as this movie is fun in it’s own right.

HGGB tells the modernized tale of a brother and sister duo, Hansel and Gretel, who go off on a quest to save Gretel’s stoner boyfriend who disappeared after going to get some more killer “Black Forrest” pot from a little old lady who has gained notoriety from the incredible quality of the weed she is selling. Turns out the little old lady, Agnes (and played quite well by Lara Flynn Boyle), is actually a Witch that uses the weed to lure teens to her home where she capture a select few to harvest their youthful essence, restoring her youth, and also uses their bodies as mulch to help produce the high quality pot.

The movie was much better than I expected with good production quality, plenty of gore and half decent acting – way more than I would expect from something with a title like this. I have to say I was actually pleasantly surprised at just how good this movie really is. Sure, it’s pot humour, but it’s also a horror and a comedy – watch this one folks!

Here’s the trailer: