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Posts tagged “bad movie

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978) – It’s Because of Movies Like This That This Blog Exists

If you haven’t watched Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (ATKT), and you are a reader of this blog, then you should stop reading now, watch the movie and then come back. I’ll wait here.

Okay, so now you’ve watched this movie, what do you think? Bad? Damn straight. Low budget? Oh hell yeah! Unwatchable? I wouldn’t necessarily say that.

So, 1978’s ATKT is a silly, low budget spoof on the low budget creature features that were being made willy-nilly in the 1970s. It seems like a exercise to see how lame a creature could be and still have people watch the film. I think they succeeded in this.

Basically, the story revolves around a group of scientists who have gathered together to try to come up with a defense against, aggressive, killer mutant tomatoes that have suddenly popped up, killing any human they come into contact with. A crack team is sent to look for chinks in the Tomato defenses – including a lieutenant who is dragging a parachute behind himself continuously (hell, he looks like he landed right out of World War II), And underwater expert who is continuously in a wet suit and a master of disguise who is anything but a master of disguise.

I’m not going to write a lot about this movie other than to say that despite it’s stupidity, and lameness, I liked this silly thing they called a movie. If you like bad movies, then this is a definite must watch… and it has the most awesome theme song.

Add this movie to your collection, folks.

Here is a trailer:

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They Call Me Bruce? (1982) – Silly Kung-Fu Fun

OK… When I was a kid growing up in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada I remember this movie from the trailer on TV and the fact that everyone seemed to be talking about it. It seemed like this movie played forever at the local, Jasper Place Theatre. That said, this morning is the first time I’ve seen it – and it is a load of silly, Kung-Fu movie spoof fun.

Bruce is sent out, as a boy to go to the U.S of A. and find his mother who would take care of him (his Grandfather was dying when he instructed him to do so). We next see Bruce (not his real name, just what everyone calls him) working as a cook for a Mafia Boss in the U.S. The Mafia boss decides to use Bruce to deliver some cocaine to dealers in Chicago, letting Bruce believe that it`s his special Chinese flour (for use in noodles). They set him up with a driver/Mafioso to get him there and try to keep him out of prison and out of the hands of rivals.  Along the way they run into various obstacles that Bruce gets them out of in silly, accidental ways.

I really don’t want to tell you the story, other than that. This is a very dumb movie, but with a load of charm. You can’t help but like Bruce, as he is a simple, dumb guy with a heavy dose of luck on his side. I say watch it if you like spook Kung-Fu movies. I do and I liked it.

Here is the trailer:


Not of This Earth (1988) – Horribly Horrible Movie

Oh my god… this was freakin’ painful to watch. 

1988’s Not of This Earth is a horrible remake of the already horrible Sci-Fi Roger Corman film of 1957. Since the original was horrible, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that this film was horrible also… But this horrible? Ugh.

A dying member of a dying alien race is on Earth and has discovered the elixer that can prolong his and races life: Human blood. Using his amazing glowing eyes to take control of the minds of his victims. It looks like he might be unstoppable.

He (the alien) hires a local nurse (played by the sexy Traci Lords) to administer transfusions from legal sources of blood, while at night he supplements with the blood of his victims (mostly hookers).

Aside from some tits and ass shots, this movie really has no redeeming value – even to me, a huge supporter of shitty films. I say don’t freakin’ bother with this shitty film.

Here is the trailer:


Grizzly (1976) – 18 Feet of Gut Wrenching Jaws Ripoff

You know  that saying, so bad it’s good? Well, I think that applies here.

My wife suggested this movie for the blog. She saw at the drive in  with her parents and brother when she was a kid and said it would be perfect for this blog. She was right (as usual).

What is Grizzly? Simply it is Jaws with the woods as the ocean and a gigantic Grizzly bear as the shark. Really. I mean it. Almost scene for scene, this is Jaws with a bear, a lower budget, worse script and no Steven Spielberg.

A giant Grizzy (in an area that’s not supposed to have Grizzlies), starts killing and eating campers like they’re going out of style. A park ranger that cares is trumped by his boss that has his own agenda… you know: like mayor of Amity in Jaws. They send out a bunch of random, drunken hunters to hunt down the bear against the wishes of the park ranger – like the fishermen trying to earn the bounty on the shark… In Jaws. It goes on… hell even the music is similar. Low Budget Land Jaws.

CLAWS!!!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I liked this movie. Sure it’s dumb but that’s exactly what I expected. This was one of many movies made in an attempt to cash in on the hoopla (yes, I said hoopla), that was created by Jaws. The fact that it was a scene for scene attempt at a copy was just a bonus. Should you watch it? Oh HELL yeah. It’s even easy to do, as I just noticed it is on Youtube, though I’m not sure for how long – check out that link below the clip below.

Here’s a few minutes from the movie:


Galaxy of Terror (1981) – Better Cast Than Script

I was warned that this was a super bad movie, and that there was no way in Hell I would like it.

I liked this stupid movie.

On a rescue mission, a ship and her crew are set out to a planet run by the Planet Master. Once on the planet, the crew is quicky subjected to terrors…terrors based on their own fears.

This is a Roger Corman production with a few names that eventually became pretty big in the movie industry. A pre-Freddy Krueger (even pre-Willie from V), Robert Englund, star of a huge number of movies and TV shows Sid Haig and lets not forget Erin Moran a.k.a. Joanie Cunningham from Happy Days. Oh…and what is most surprising to me, James Cameron (Titanic, Avatar) as Production Designer and Second Unit Director.

Very cheezy, and much of the back drops look like bad paintings, still there is a certain charm to this film. None of it makes sense, but all of it was fun. Like many of the movies on this blog, the verdict is, if you like bad movies, you`ll like this. It didn`t win any awards, and didn`t deserve to, but it is fun. Watch this piece of crap if you have time.

Here is the Trailer:

And looky here – here`s the whole movie:



Captain America (1990) – Fun but Dumb

You know, I didn’t even know that this movie existed until earlier this week when one of my fellow co-workers suggested I watch it for this blog – I’ll definitely have to thank him for this.

This 1990 depiction of Captain America is a pretty shoddy deal, but is cheezy enough to stay fun.

Typical Captain America story: Nazi Germany (and the Italian Mussolini regime) develop a super soldier, the Red Skull, and the American’s do the same with Captain America. Bad things happen, Captain America gets frozen for 40 or so years, thaws out and continues his battle against the Red Skull. In this version, the President has been kidnapped by the Red Skull with the help of a general from the Pentagon, with the plan to implant a mind control device, therefore making the President little more than a puppet for the Red Skull. Of course, the newly revived Captain America must save the President (and the Free World with it) by defeating the Red Skull once and for all.

Silly, dumb, bad acting and Ned Beatty – I freakin’ loved this piece of crap. Don’t watch it because you love the Avengers or Captain America – watch it because you love bad movie, and you won’t be disapointed

And… you can watch the whole awesome mess on Youtube – and that link can be found after the trailer, below.

Here is the Trailer:

And here, my friends is the whole movie:


The Doomsday Machine (1972) – Ah, More End of the World Sci-Fi Crap

1972’s The Doomsday Machine… What can I say?

Well, the Chinese have developed a nuclear device that threatens to destroy the world. At the same time, the U.S is poised to launch the first manned probe to Venus. Receiving the news of China’s death machine, the U.S. pushes up the launch date, and at the last moment substitute three attractive women (scientists) for three of the originally planned crew.

Once launched, it is revealed to them all that the reason for the substitution in due to the fact that they just might be the last members of the human race, and therefore would be responsible to keep the species going. 

The movie attempts to touch upon the psychological aspects of such a crew in such a situation. One of the male member loses it and in an attempt to rape one of the women, causes them both to be accidentally jettisoned into space.

Soon they are forced, due to fuel concerns, to face the reality that they may not all survive. Two of the astronauts (male and female), take on a mission to fix something on the outside of the ship, that would mean they would not return. Once the repair is complete, and they are most likely set for doom, they notice a near by Russian ship, to which they head to. Arriving at the Russian ship, they find a long deceased Cosmonaut in a functioning capsule. The commandeer the ship and head towards Venus. Of course, the Venusians don’t like this idea and stop them…

There you go: That’s 1972’s The Doomsday Machine. I’ve seen much worse, but that doesn’t mean this is good. You can watch the whole, damned thing for free online, mind you – Since I can’t find trailer anywhere, here’s the whole movie:


Heartbeeps (1981) – Some Movies Should Never Have Been Made – This Is One

I saw Heartbeeps in the theatre when I was 12 with a buddy, and if I remember properly, I was disappointed – just as I was once again.

Starring the late comedic genius (and weirdo), Andy Kaufman as butler robot Val, and Bernadette Peters as a companion robot named Aqua. They are two robots amongst many that have been warehoused due to defects or obsolescence. It’s in this warehouse where they meet each other, and a one-liner comedian robot named Catskill go on an adventure together to study trees. Along the way Val and Aqua build a small, baby robot (whom they name Philco), fall in love and are pursued by a mal-functioning police robot.

Lame… Lame. Lame. Lame. This movie is not funny. Also, as stated earlier, it stars Bernadette Peters, who I have never liked. This movie sucks now like it sucked when it was first released.

Here is what Wikipedia has to say about the movie:

Val Com 17485 (Andy Kaufman), a robot designed to be a valetwith a specialty in lumber commodities, meets Aqua Com 89045 (Bernadette Peters), a hostess companion robot whose primary function is to assist at poolside parties. At a factory awaiting repairs, they fall in love and decide to escape, stealing a van from the company to do so. They embark on a quest to find a place to live, as well as satisfy their more immediate need for a fresh electrical supply. They assemble a small robot, Phil, built out of spare parts, whom they treat as their child, and are joined by Catskill, a mechanical standup comic (which is seen sitting the entire movie). A law-enforcement robot, the Crimebuster, comes after the fugitives, but with the help of humans who run a junkyard, and using Catskill’s battery pack, they are able to resolve their problems successfully.

Here’s the Trailer:


They Came From Beyond Space (1967) – Boring British Sci-Fi

A British Sci-Fi film from 1967, They Came from Beyond Space is a lack lustre, uninspired flick that barely kept my attention.

The premise is that what seem to meteors fall to earth. When they are investigated by top scientists, those scientists become controlled by another, alien intelligence that puts them to work on a plan to build ships to help these Aliens to return to their original planet. One scientist is not affected as he has a silver plate in his skull from surgery after a car accident – the plate interferes with the mind control method used by these aliens. This scientist leads the battle against the aliens. Add a plague that makes peoplk seem dead, so that the aliens can take the bodies to the moon where they are revived and used as slaves.

There you go – that is They Came From Beyond Space. Should you watch it? You decide. It is freely available as it has slipped into the public domain.

Here is a clip:

And here is the whole movie:


Ed Wood (1994) – A Masterpiece

I remember being excited when I read that Tim Burton was making a film starring Johnny Depp as the infamous B-Movie director/actor/writer Ed Wood. I remember saying I was going to go see that movie opening night. That was in 1994. Tonight I watched this film for the first time. Will someone tell me what is wrong with my head?

For those out there that don’t know who Ed Wood was here’s a real quick description: A strange, driven cross dressing film maker, Ed Wood created such low budget classics as Glen or Glenda, Bride of the Monster the movie he will forever be remembered for, Plan 9 From Outer Space – widely considered to be one of, if not the worst movies ever made. I wrote about it recently here on the blog. Several of these Ed Wood’s films starred his friend, the ageing Bela Lugosi. This is the story of Ed Wood and his struggle to get these classic, terrible films made and the people that got caught up in the whirlwind that he was. Johnny Depp is amazing as Ed wood himself. I really enjoyed his portrayal of this quirky individual. He really had me rooting for a lunatic. Bela Lugosi is played by Martin Landau in a roll that won him the Academy Award for Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Landau made me forget that it wasn’t Lugosi himself. Add to that amazing supporting rolls from an all star cast that included Sarah Jessica Parker, Bill Murray, Jeffery Jones (and more), and you have a great film. Ed Wood is simply a great film. I am a big Tim Burton fan. I am a big Johnny Depp fan. I love those cheezy Ed Wood films. Tim Burton made a film about Ed Wood starring Johnny Depp. Perfect… Everything works. Add to the that the film was great and that is why I call this a masterpiece. Tim Burton made a film about a film maker that was better than any film that film maker ever made. Try saying that ten times while hopping on one foot while juggling. 

If you haven’t seen this film, you must. If you have seen it, then why not watch it again. 

Here’s the trailer:


Terrorvision (1986) – Mid-80s Weirdness That’s Worth Watching

Terrorvision is weird, off the wall, semi-abstract comedy/science-fiction film from 1986 that might leave you wondering what you just watched. Mut if you’re anything like me, you won’t be wondering why you watched it. This is a film that I started watching on a couple of occasions but never got through the first few minutes – always because the person I was watching it at the time with always insisted that we stop it and watch something else… I said it was weird.

A groovy, dad gets a low budget satellite system for their weird high (80s) tech home. The low budget system has a weird ability to intercept alien energy transmissions (actually their interstellar garbage), and promptly does so – in effect beaming a weird, mutated ex-pet in to their home. This is no cute little fuzzy pet – it’s a slimy, fleshy blob that has an insatiable hunger… and it starts by eating the family’s weird , post traumatic stress suffering grand father. The only one that seem to see the true danger was Gandpa and the family’s young son, who no one takes seriously.

Here’s Wikipedia’s plot outline:

When Stanley Putterman installs a brand new, state-of-the-artsatellite dish in his backyard, his family ends up getting a lot more than just ESPN. Unfortunately for Stanley, his satellite is a perfect receptor for a load of extraterrestrial garbage that just happened to be converted into energy and zapped into his backyard: a hideous, two-ton alien blob with a never-ending appetite.

Only Sherman Putterman sees the menace of the alien. Try as he might to warn his family, Mom and Dad are too busy swingingwith another couple and totally 80s sister Suzy is going out on a date with her heavy metal boyfriend O.D. That is until the alien creature materializes out of their boob tube and gobbles up Mom and Dad. Sherman is forced to recruit his sis, his psychotic, lizard-loving Grampa, and the busty late night horror host, Medusa, to bring an end to the beast’s homicidal smorgasbord and finally turn off that TV!


That’s not 100% accurate, but close enough. This film garnered really lousy reviews, but I actually found it a really fun, quirky piece that I appreciated. I definitely recommecd it if you like off the wall comedy/horror/sci-fi. Unfortunately, it looks like the only legal way to watch it at the time of writing is through Netflix (unless yo9u want to buy a VHS copy through Amazon). I have no issues with Netflix other than the fact that their library varies depending on what country you live in. If you try hard enough though, I am sure you can find a copy (try Youtube or the like), if you don’t have a Netflix subscription.

Watch the Trailer here:


Starcrash (1978) – Did They Mis-Spell Starcrap?

Ah, Italian Sci-Fi movies or Spaghetti Sci-Fi as I like to refer to them – a special kind of bad movies, and Starcrash is one of those. Released shortly after Star Wars took the world by storm and attempting to ride on it’s coat tails, Starcrash fails in almost every way as a movie. That was expected, though.

A couple of smugglers, the scantily clad Stella Star (played by Caroline Munroe) whos is apparently one of the best space pilots (and ass kickers) and Akton (played by Marjoe Gotner) are forced to search for the Galactic Emperor’s only son, Simon (Played surprisingly by David Hasselhoff  – the Galactic Emperor is played by Christopher Plummer) who was lost when the ship he was on was hit by a beam that made the crew turn insane. They are tracking three  escape pods to three different planets – of course each planet full of a different kind of danger. Throw in a faithful, powerful robot companion, Elle (played by Hamilton Camp), and you have the making of a cast and crew. There’s also a fair amount of bad stop motion animation with some of the evil robotic enemies – always enjoyable.

Stella’s companion Akton has several super powers (like seeing the future and restoring life) and the Emperor’s son Simon has a light sword that he uses to defeat some of those aforementioned bad robots.  

There’s a big bad guy, Count Zarth (played by Joe Spinell) who is behind all the trouble.

The rest is cheeze – pure cheeze.

This one I have to say is a must watch – terrible but a must watch. It’s too dumb not to be – plus it is available for free on Youtube as an episode of  Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Caroline Munro looks hot (as usual – in her 1970’s way, that is), and this is just pure fun.

Check out a clip here:

Watch the whole movie here (with cheezy comentary via Mystery Science 3000):


The Stuff (1985) – The Food You Eat – That Eats You

I just watched a very silly 1985 movie called The Stuff. Loved it too…

Here’s the basic idea: A man discovers a white goo like substance bubbling from the ground, weirdly decides to taste it, and it turns out to be sweet and delicious. Soon the product was being mass marketed as “The Stuff” and takes America by storm.

Marketed in a tub like Ice Cream, but with what seems like the consistency of a cross between marshmallow paste and shaving cream, people start eating it as a desert but quickly it becomes the only meal it’s fans eat. Slick commercials sells the products to the masses selling it’s flavour and the fact that it has zero calories – a practically miracle food it would seem. Well, have you heard the saying that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true.

Well, the Stuff becomes so popular that it starts killing the Ice Cream industry. Dairy officials hire former F.B.I. agent turned industrial saboteur, David “Mo Rutherford (played by Michael Moriarty) and Junk Food King,  Charles W. “Chocolate Chip Charlie” Hobbs (played by the always great Garrett Morris), to find out what’s actually in The Stuff, and help destroy it.

The more he looks into just what The Stuff is, the more he realizes just how diabolical and dangerous The Stuff actually is. Teaming up with an Advertising guru that helped popularize The Stuff, a kid who discovered early how dangerous the Stuff is when it took over his family and a Militia leader (played by Paul Sorvino), the take on the manufacturer, distributer and The Stuff itself.

A definitely silly film that takes a poke at mass marketing and how the public easily falls prey to it, I have to recommend this film – it has a charm that is so rare in film. Sure it’s weird – so am I and people like me (well, they say they do). Watch this film. Go out and buy the DVD, or watch it on Netflix (that’s what I did)… Or even watch it for free on Youtube (I didn’t know it was available there until about 30 seconds before writing this sentence). – Just watch it.

Here’s the trailer:

And here is the whole damned movie in it’s entirety: