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Forbidden World (1982)–Pretty Generic Monster Sci-Fi

forbidden-worldI watched Forbidden World not expecting much – I wasn’t disappointed.

A generic feeling early 80’s Sci-Fi movie, this is a dark and visually muddy movie. A specialist is sent to a planet where experiments in creating a high protein  food source has gone awry when the creature the scientists have created (a mutant, hybrid between human and whatever), goes rogue and starts killing and transforming the crew of the outpost.

The mature creature looks a little like an obese version of the Alien from, well.. Alien, and it’s pre-transformation looks a little like a you might see inhabiting the thermal vents of the Marianas trench. The actors are people I’ve never heard of, there’s a little bit of 80’s breast and that’s it.

I’ve seen worse, but I’ve also seen much better. This movie seems to have a little bit of a cult following. I wonder if that is due to people who saw the movie at a young and impressionable age.

Anyway, I watched it on Netflix.

Here is the trailer:


The Dead Mile (2013)–Flawed But Very Fun Independent Zombie Film… And It’s Canadian!

DeadmileSo, I just watched a Zombie movie that was filmed in my home city of Calgary, Alberta, Canada. It was a low budget film, and it lacked polish and there was some questionable performances. You know what? Who cares – this was a fun, silly Zombie film.

The Dead Mile is a truly Canadian movie that combines hockey, a Zombie Walk and real Zombies to create an end of society, Zombie outbreak movie that delivers on the fun and the gore. A group of friends are preparing for an annual Zombie Walk when an actual, cow transmitted Zombie virus hits the city. The Zombie Walk participants are actually turning into Zombies, and our little group of friends need to find a way to survive. One of our characters, Tyler, works for a dick, Kevin Wong, who owns a comic shop, who is hosting a a signing event for a couple of horror stars to coincide with the Zombie Walk. Well these two get wrapped up in the whole Zombie outbreak and join forces with Kevin and his friends. They are soon joined by two simple, hockey obsessed guys, who suggest they make a break for the hockey/ice rink – a fortress according to them. Of course, like in all Zombie films, the fortress is never quite as… fortressy (yes, I know that’s not a real word – but it’s my blog so nananana-boo-boo), as they hope. One by one the group is diminished as members fall prey to the Zombie hordes. You know, like in a Zombie movie.

This movie is low budget and flawed, but really, who cares: most Zombie movies are. At least this movie delivers on the humour, and for a low budget film, it manages to look pretty good (and thank you for not finding it necessary to make the film look grungy and 70’s like – that works when for 70’s films only – you deserve kudos for not doing that). They also deliver on the gore, like a true Zombie movie should. I say this is worth a watch, especially if you are Canadian, and even more so if you are from Calgary. The movie’s writer/Director , K.J. Kleefeld and his crew did an admirable job. The film it self is available to rent online at https://vimeo.com/ondemand/thedeadmile for $4.99 – I though it was a little steep for a rental of an independent film, but I said “What the Hell,” I’m supporting a small film maker” (who just happens to be local – GO CANADA!!!). Check out the trailer below, and then go spend $4.99, you cheap bastard, and help some independent film makers.


Soylent Green (1973) – Slow Burning Sci-Fi

Soylent_greenIt seems to me that it is amazing that it took until yesterday for me to finally watch the 1973 Sci-Fi classic, Soylent Green, but it’s true and I am glad I finally did so.

Soylent Green takes place in New York City in 2022. The world is struggling to feed the masses a,d the human diet is primarily soy and plankton wafers (of different colours and quality) made by the Solent company. The wafers are found in red, yellow and the new, higher quality Soylent Green variety. When When New York city Police Detective Robert Thorn (played by Charlton Heston), is called to investigate the murder William R. Simonson, he discovers the dirty truth behind the Soylent corporation and their new wonder product, Soylent Green.

This movie paints an interesting if bleak view of the not so distant future: The humanity is struggling to feed it’s masses, while the upper crust lives in relative opulence. Rich executives have concubines (referred to as furniture) included with the rent of their homes. They get access to real foods instead of waiting in never ending lines for an allotment of tasteless survival food. Thorn’s persistent investigating turns up something very disturbing about the Soylent corporations new miracle food Soylent Green… Something that would definitely make it much less palatable .

This is an important Sci-Fi film, and I definitely suggest you watch it. It’s a bit slow, and if your Sci-Fi requires spaceships and laser guns, then don’t watch this as it will disappoint. But if you enjoy a good story then check it out.


The Keep (1983)–Should Have Kept Hidden

Keepposter1983’s The Keep is a long winded, confusing crappy storry about Nazi’s that release some ancient evil from a “Keep.:

Yeah, this is an ambitious tale, staring the usually amazing Sir Ian McKellen (actually, he’s the only strong part of this film)  and a handful of others that I won’t even bother looking up.  I couldn’t even pay attention, and I had NO distractions. If you read this blog even semi regularly, you know that it doesn’t take much for me to find something to like in a movie. I mean, lots of crappy 80’s synthesizer music, dry ice fog and Nazis and Demons…Should be good enough but it wasn’t.

Don’t bother with this one folks. And to think I almost bought the Blu-Ray!


Basket Case Trilogy (1982,1990,1992)–Hilariously Ridiculous

coverWow… I had never heard of the Basket Case movies until my buddy suggested we watch them about a month ago. Well, last night we finished the last of the three movies and I have to say that I was left pleasantly surprised at how much these movies entertained me.

The Basket Case movies tell the story of two Siamese, or co-joined twins, separated in childhood. One twin, Duane Bradley (played hilariously cheezily by Kevin Van Hentenryck) is a fully formed, mostly normal looking guy, but his brother, Belial, is a disgusting blob of flesh with one dangerously powerful arm and, a very strong leg and a disturbingly human face with a mouth full of jagged, dangerous teeth. Belial is a dangerous character who is understandable unbalanced. Spending most of his time in a basket (hence the name of the movies), he and Duane have a psychic bond and can communicate without words). Duane and Belial were separated against their will when children in a horrific home surgery. Now Belial and Duane are looking for revenge on the doctor’s that did the brutal operation. Belial, extracting his revenge – this little guy is a damned efficient killing machine – having killed a large number of people, gets into a scuffle and he and Duane fall out a window together. Apprehended and brought to a hospital, they both escape.

Basket Case 2 picks up where Basket Case  left off – now Duane and Bradley find themselves in the home of Granny Ruth (played by Annie Ross), a woman who has taken it upon herself to provide sanctuary for horribly and bizarrely deformed people. The cast of strange creatures is interesting and funny – I thing the creature designer on this film most likely had a great time. This is a place where Belial can feel at home and not have to hide from the world. Duane, though is having a tougher time fitting in, as he feels like the outsider. That said, he manages to fall in love with Granny Ruth’s assistant, Susan (played by Heather Rattray), a seemingly normal young lady – and it seems that she loves Duane, too. Also, Belial finds love himself when he falls for a similarly mutated Eve. Soon Granny Ruth’s sanctuary is threatened by a sleazy reporter and photographer. Duane and Belial decide to organize the ragtag group of mutants into an efficient and deadly defence. After saving the day, Duane and Susan start to get it on… and Duane finds out the real reason Susan stays with Granny Ruth. Duane flips out and goes off the mental deep end (and something happens to Susan)… And the movie ends. Oh, I can’t forget to mention the weirdest love scene ever between two lumps of mutated flesh.

Basket Case 3, starts the moment Basket Case 2 ends. Duane wakes up to find himself in a straight jacket, calling out to whomever claiming that he’s all better now. Granny Ruth enters his padded cell and explains how long he’s been there and why. She also gives him some good news: he’s going to be an uncle, as Belial has impregnated Eve. Eve, being massively mutated, is starting to go into labour, and Granny Ruth is concerned that she may require medical attention. She packs up the entire group of mutants into a school bus and they take off to a sympathetic Doctor referred to as Uncle Hal. Uncle Hal has been taking care of a genius, multi-armed mutant, Little Hal. Duane, still a loose, mildly crazy loose cannon, is trying to escape at any cost. Meanwhile Eve Gives birth to a…a lot of little Belial copies, despite the fact that Belial loses it and attacks Uncle Hal (due to a flashback). Getting the attention of the Sheriff’s daughter, who he stupidly trusts, he soon finds himself behind bars, while the stupid deputy’s decided that they want to capture Belial for a reported $1,000,000 reward offered by a rag newspaper. Yeah, well that doesn’t go very well and one escapes with his life and a basket full of baby Belial looking offspring. The mutants aren’t going to stand for that, and they launch a brazen attack on the jail in order to save the babies. Things get even weirder.

Okay, these are low budget movies that leave a lot to be desired. That said, I really enjoyed them. Duane is an unbelievable silly character that while fake, is super fun to watch. Belial is such a weird character that it’s hard to find him scary, and the gallery of mutants under Granny Ruth’s roof are very… crazy. Still, I really liked these movies – they have a certain charm that is very rare in the horror genre, and if you can suspend your sense of disbelief, you might just have a good time watching these crazy movies.


Remake Week Movie #6–Frankenstein Unbound (1990)

Frankenstein_UnboundAlright… This might be cheating, as this is a reimagining and not so much a remake. That said, this is my blog and I’m counting this one as part of Remake Week.

Frankenstein Unbound tells the story of Dr. Joe Buchanan (played by John Hurt), who in the year 2031, in an attempt to create a safer weapon for the military accidentally creates a tear in time and space and finds himself and his amazing electric, computerized car transported back to 1817 Switzerland.

In ancient Switzerland, Buchanan meets the famous Dr. Frankenstein (played by Raul Julia), who has already created his now famous, mythical monster. Said monster has killed a child, and a young girl has been accused and found guilty of the boy’s murder through Witchcraft. Buchanan tries to convince Frankenstein to tell the authorities the truth and save t he girl’s life. Ignored by Frankenstein, Buchanan tries to get the help of Mary Shelley (author of the famous Frankenstein novel, and played by Bridget Fonda). Frankenstein and his Monster turn out to be difficult to deal with, though – one insane with power, the other a beast of a man who has not been explained the very basics of life). Buchanan almost gets lynched for the murder of Frankenstein’s fiancé, a crime the monster committed – and said monster saves Buchanan from this mob, only to take him to Frankenstein’s castle to help in the reanimation of Frankenstein’s freshly dead Fiancé. Instead of helping, Buchanan tricks the Monster into helping him reopen the time space rift, propelling Frankenstein, the Monster and his self far into the distant, bleak empty future. – a future where human’s are no more. There is a bit of a twist at the end, that while weak, I won’t spoil.

Just a note: The late Michael Hutchence, then lead singer of the Australian rock band INXS plays Percy Shelley.

This movie has a half decent cast, and while entertaining, is really quite weak. Was it worth watching? Sure. Should you go out of your way to see it? I don’t think so.

Check out the trailer below:


Remake Week Movie #3–Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Texas_chainsaw_massacreGood remakes may be hard to find, but I’ve been doing pretty good lately.

2003’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre (TCM), revisit’s Tobe Hooper’s ground breaking horror classic of (almost) the same name (add “The” to the beginning of the original), and gives it a great, modern refresh.

Inspired very loosely on the horrendous crimes of Ed Gein in 1950’s Wisconsin,  TCM tells the story of a group of young 20 somethings on their way to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert in Dallas. Along the way they stop and pick up a dazed, confused woman who is walking around in the middle of the road by herself, almost unresponsive. They take her into the van in order to get her some help, but in a short time she kills herself using a pistol that she had concealed… Forced to look for help from authorities, they drive into a small town…and perhaps Hell on Earth.

What ensues is a battle between this group of youths and a hillbilly clan that seems un escapable. Call the Sheriff? Sure – too bad he’s mixed right up in this hillbilly killer family. No matter where they turn, the group finds themselves deeper and deeper in crap -  One by one, they fall gruesome victims to Leatherface and his family.

If you haven’t seen the original, you can still watch this movie without missing anything, but seeing the original’s stature in the horror world, you would be doing yourself a dis-service. Is this better than the original? Well, it really is good – maybe not as important as the original – but possible as good. Jessica Biel does a great job (and looks great), and the rest of the cast is good to.

Watch it!

Here’s the trailer:


Rebooting Remake Week

Hi Folks;

Well remake week didn’t go as well as planned when I was distracted after two movies – Well, I plan on putting up 7 remakes (including the two already posted), though maybe not all in a row.

One reason why they may not be in a row is for example the THING from 1982 – my buddy that watched these movies wants to watch the prequel that came out in 2011 first – no problem, but that delays that viewing by at least a day – gonna’ try to get him to watch that prequel tonight so we can go onto the remake.

So, sorry for not powering through 7 days of remakes, but they are coming… starting now!


Remake Week Movie #2 – Dawn of The Dead (2004)

DawnoftheDead2004One could easily argue that  George A. Romero’s 1973 film, Dawn of the Dead was good enough and didn’t need a remake. Well, that can be said about almost all remakes – I mean, why would you bother remaking a movie that sucked in the first place? At least in this case the remake doesn’t suck.

A sequel to Romero’s genre defining film Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead tells the story of a group of survivors of a Zombie outbreak, forced together through necessity that have found refuge inside a shopping mall.Initially encountering a hostile group of armed mall security guards that reluctantly allow them to stay in the man, but only after relinquishing their weapons. These guards, run by a twitchy nervous asshole by the name of CJ soon have the tables turned on them. The group hangs out in the mall for as long as possible, with one couple expecting a baby at any time. Soon it’s revealed that a couple member so f the group had been bitten – They have to be dealt with. Not to spoils anything, but the birth scene and following events is awesome. Add to this a new group of people that arrive via a delivery van (a soon to be Zombie amongst them).

Lot’s of action and death and destruction, a few explosions and more than a few zombies and then a cool escape…this is a very good remake of a very good original film.

Filmed primarily in Canada, I saw a lot of familiar actors that you don’t see in many American productions, I thought this was a neat addition (hint: I’m Canadian),Is this better than the original? I don’t think so, but that doesn’t mean it’s not good. Very watchable, I know more than a few people that consider this their favourite Zombie movie, and it’s easy to see why.

Check out Dawn of the Dead, you won’t be disappointed .

Here’s the trailer:


White Comanche (1968)–Beam Me Up Scotty, This Movie Sucks! (Entire Movie at Bottom of Review)

Comanche BlancoSo, you see there was this little TV series back in the late 1960s called Star Trek, and it’s male lead was played by a cool, dashing, hip and awesomely hammy actor by the name of William Shatner. While Star Trek did okay in the ratings there was a cult following around the show and it’s cast. Well, White Comanche stars William Shatner, and it’s pretty clear this was an attempt to cash in on Shatner’s new found popularity, because other than William Shatner, this doesn’t have much else going for it.

William Shatner plays the roles of twin brothers, Johnny Moon and Notah, twin half breed (their words, not mine) brothers of Comanche/White persuasion. Johnny lives the life of a white guy (who happens to know how to fight and is quick on the draw), and Notah is known as the White Comanche and is an over the top, out of control killer/raider/raper – a total prick of a killer. This causes a lot trouble for Johnny since they are twins, he’s always getting mistaken for Notah and people want to kill Notah (and rightly so)… So people, wanting to kill Notah, unknowingly are trying to kill Johnny – the innocent brother… Okay? Well Johnny is friggin’ tired of this and has laid it out: meet me in 4 days at the town of Rio Honcho – two will enter, only one will survive. When Johnny gets into Rio Honco, of course everybody mistakes him for Notah… and all that stuff Notah did makes everyone want to kill Johnny… wait, I explained all this already. Notah’s evil escapades catch up to Johnny again in the days leading up to that big showdown. Add to the mix the fact that the town is divided into two factions with only a good but under resourced sheriff (played by Joseph Cotten) to keep them both from each other’s neck, which up until now has worked. Add this new Johnny/Notah thing to the mix and the whole situation boils over – and we haven’t even got to the big Johnny/Notah battle. One bad guy shoots the sheriff and then the two factions fight… Eventually Johnny and Notah have it it out, and then there’s peace.

Well, I guarantee that all that sounds better than it really is. Not actually a “Spaghetti Western” as this was a Spanish production, this movie severely lacks a budget and direction. It definitely feels and looks different from your standard Spaghetti Western and weirdly, the copy I have is 4×3 – I find most Spaghetti Westerns are shot in widescreen. On Shatner: I like William Shatner, but his Comanche “war cry” is one of the most pathetic things I have ever heard – he sounds somewhere between a small dog that had a paw stepped on and a deranged bird.  

Is this a good movie? Oh, HELL no. Should you watch it? Well, that’s a different matter all together. Honestly, I am glad I watched it just to see such a ridiculous Shatner movie.

I can’t seem to find a trailer, but apparently this movie is now public domain, so here is an entire copy of the movie for you to stream if you are a masochist!

White Comanche (Entire Movie)


A Fist Full of Dollars (1964)–A Man With No Name Brings the Spaghetti Western to The Masses

A_Fistful_of_Dollars_posterSergio Leone’s 1964 movie, A Fist Full of Dollars, took a little known American TV actor, put him in the roll of a Man With No Name, and propelled him to stardom as well as taking a waning genre, the Western, and with a twist, giving it a new lease on life. That actor? Clint Eastwood.

Joe, or “The Man With No Name, played by the then up and coming Clint Eastwood, arrives the the tiny Mexican town of San Miguel. Quickly proving himself quiet and a loner, and more importantly a really quick draw. Soon he realizes that there are two factions, the Rojo Brothers and the family of the town’s sheriff, John Baxter, both fighting for control of the town. Seeing an opportunity for profit, he works at getting the two sides to fight each other.

Witnessing a massacre of Mexican Soldiers by Rojo’s men, dressed as American Soldiers, Joe takes two of the bodies, planting them at at the local cemetery and sells information to both sides – both groups rush to the cemetery – one side to get information, the other side to silence the information before it gets out. Soon we can add kidnapping and murder to the pile of crimes both sides commit. Joe, or The Man With No Name eventually let’s his own motives shine through…

This movie is actually a retelling of the Japanese classic, Yojimbo by Akira Kurosawa and it is a wonderful, dark film that should be watched and watched often. This is the first of three “Dollars” or “Man With No Name” films to be released. The other two being For a Few Dollars More and the pinnacle of the Spaghetti Western, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. All three are amazing testaments to the genre and deserve their places in the annals of movie history. Watch them soon and watch them often.

Check out the trailer below:


Beyond The Law (1968) – A Coolness Only Lee Van Cleef Could Deliver (Entire Movie at Bottom of Post)

BYTL1968’s Beyond the Law is far from a perfect movie, but that doesn’t mean it’s not an entertaining movie, because it is in deed that.

One of countless Spaghetti Westerns that surfaced in the 60’s and early 70’s, you might not even know this one existed – I didn’t, until recently, that is. You see, about a year ago I purchased a DVD set, titled. “Spaghetti Westerns” that is chock full of Western goodness (and badness to be honest). It’s a five disc set that includes 20 movies – Beyond the Law was one of them.

Beyond the Law tells the story of a group of bandits that dupe a mining company of the cash it is having delivered to pay the wages of the miners. Through deception, the actual crooks look like heroes, and are actually asked to help out. The brains of the unit, Billy Joe Cudlip (played by Lee Van Cleef), befriends Ben Novack (played by Antonio Sabato), at first pitying him and then gaining respect for his abilities as the movie goes on. Soon Culdip and his gang is helping protect the mining operation from a gang, controlled by the villain, Burton (played by one time muscle man turned actor, Gordon Mitchell).

Gaining respect, Culdip is asked to become the new Sheriff, kind of ironic…really. He takes the position, much to the chagrin of the members of his small band of thieves, especially when they realize that he might just be taking the job seriously.

As noted at the beginning of this post, this is far from being a perfect film, but Lee Van Cleef raises it up and makes it entertaining. Also, the theme song is simply amazing. If you already like Spaghetti Westerns, then this one will be okay – If you are on the fence about the genre, then maybe leave this one be and try something like a Fist Full of Dollars or God’s Gun.

Here is the trailer:

 

And, for as long as it lasts, here is a link to the whole movie (let me know if it stops working):


Django (1966)–Violently Awesome (Spoiler Alert)

django

The other night I watched the classic Lee Van Cleef Spaghetti Western, Death Rides a Horse, which left me a taste for more Spaghetti Westerns, so last night I watched the 1966 classic, Django.

It was a good choice.

Staring the ice blue eyed Franco Nero as Django, a coffin dragging drifter who seeks revenge for the death of his wife at the hands of KKK leader and ex military man, Major Jackson.

The film opens with Django rescuing the attractive, Maria (played by Loredana Nusciak), a prostitute, from Major Jackson’s men who had just killed a group of Mexicans that were in the process of whipping her for trying to escape from them.  Jackson’s men were going to burn her alive for going with the Mexicans in the first place.

Soon Django finds himself the target of Major Jackson, though Major Jackson does not know who he is dealing with. A series of confrontations between Django and Jackson’s men leaves Jackson’s forces seriously depleted, as Django turns out to be one bad ass. The depletion of Jackson’s men leaves an opening for a former Mexican General to move in on Jackson’s turf. It is soon revealed that Django and the General are old friends, Django apparently having saved the General’s life while they were both in prison together. Together they hatch a plot to raid a Mexican fort that holds a large amount of gold. The plan being that after the heist Django and the General are to split the gold. When the General delays giving Django his share, Django decides to take it all. Leaving with Maria and the gold, something soon goes wrong and the gold is lost. Soon the General and his band of men catch up to them. Taking into account that Django had saved him in the past, the General spares Django his life, but has one of his men smash his hands into bloody pulp. That should stop him… right? No freakin’ way, as this is Django and he has a mission. Taking Maria back to town, he tells the bar/hotel/brothel keeper to hide her from Major Jackson, and to tell Jackson that he is waiting for him at the cemetery. Since Django’s hands are a mess, he bites off the trigger guard from his pistol and waits for the Major. Once the Major arrives, he starts hurling threats at Django, and shooting at him – teasing him with shots that just graze him. Thinking Django is defenseless, the Major is careless… and that is a deadly mistake. I’m not 100% of what the symbolism means, but with the help of an iron cross (no, not the German military medal) on a tombstone, Django finally extracts his vengeance on the man responsible for the death of his wife.

Wow… This move is a violent festival of death. When it was released in 1966, it was considered possible the most violent film released. Heck, the U.K. didn’t allow it to be released until 1994!

If you like Spaghetti Westerns, then this one is a must watch, right up there with For a Few Dollars more.

Here is the trailer:

And here is a great interview with Franco Nero on the Making of Django:


Death Rides a Horse (1967)–Spaghetti Western Wonderfulness

DRHIn the 1960s there was an explosion of Westerns made in Italy by Italian film makers. These were dubbed “Spaghetti Westerns” and are/were the Western equivalent of Grindhouse films, and while most of these movies were pretty damned bad, occasionally one would actually turn out to be a good movie – 1967’s Death Rides a Horse is one of those good ones.

Starring John Phillip Law as Bill Meceita, a man seeking revenge on the bandits that he witnessed killing his family when  he was a young. The only evidence he was able to gather, as a boy. was a single, unique spur that one of the murdering bastards left behind. Years later a recently released convict, Ryan, played the always great, flinty eyed Lee Van Cleef, kills two men in self defense that were sent to kill him. The Sherriff noticed that one of the dead men was wearing spurs that exactly match the one that had been left at the scene on the Meceita family massacre so many years before. The sheriff informs Bill, and tells him the name of the stranger, Ryan thinking that perhaps Ryan can help lead him to the men who killed his family.

When Bill catches up to Ryan, he finds him sympathetic but not willing to help, as he has a large amount of money owed to him by the same bastards that killed Ryan’s family, and if Bill kills them, Ryan can’t collect. Leaving Bill temporarily stranded (in order to gain a head start), but not defenseless. Of course this only works for a bit as Bill is extremely motivated to get these guys. Ryan is looking at collecting $15,000 from each member of this gang, as he spent 15 years in prison for something they ALL took part in. Bill, killing these guys, makes it harder and harder to collect. Add to this a sub plot where one of these banditos is now a town official, promising to improve the lives of the town folks, but actually planning on taking off with all the town’s money, in a faked heist, and making it look like Ryan is part of it. Bill comes to Ryan’s aid, and for the rest of the movie they work together as a team. An interesting twist near the end makes the relationship between Bill and Ryan even more twisted. Add in some great shootouts and you have this film.

This is a long movie, and the conversion from film to digital (at least the version I have), is very crapilly done. There are bit where you can tell a few seconds of film are just missing. It’s dirty and very low resolution. Some of the actors voices are very obviously dubbed (hey, most of them were bit part Italian actors working for very little money) and not particularly great thespians. Even so, this movie oozes cool, especially with an awesome soundtrack from the amazing Ennio Morricone I absolutely enjoyed every second of this film and most likely will go on a minor Spaghetti Western binge.

And… we’re in luck folks: Not only is this movie available for really cheap on almost countless cheap bin DVD compilations, it’s also available for streaming for free (for now at least).

Check out the trailer below and the entire move below that (please let me know if the link is broken):

 

Death Rides a Horse (1967) – Trailer

 

Death Rides a Horse (1967) – The Entire Movie


Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (2013)–From Out of Nowhere Comes a Surprisingly Entertaining Retold Tale

HGBakedWell, I have to say that when this movie popped up on the list of titles that Netflix recommends me to watch, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. Then yesterday afternoon I received an email from a reader of the blog strongly suggesting that I watch it, saying that they were surprised at just how fun the movie was. Grudgingly, I decided to watch it for myself – And I am glad I did.

Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (HGGB) is a 2013 release that I am guessing was released to ride on what could have been the wave of a bigger budget Hansel and Gretel movie that seems to have actually fizzled – that’s okay though, as this movie is fun in it’s own right.

HGGB tells the modernized tale of a brother and sister duo, Hansel and Gretel, who go off on a quest to save Gretel’s stoner boyfriend who disappeared after going to get some more killer “Black Forrest” pot from a little old lady who has gained notoriety from the incredible quality of the weed she is selling. Turns out the little old lady, Agnes (and played quite well by Lara Flynn Boyle), is actually a Witch that uses the weed to lure teens to her home where she capture a select few to harvest their youthful essence, restoring her youth, and also uses their bodies as mulch to help produce the high quality pot.

The movie was much better than I expected with good production quality, plenty of gore and half decent acting – way more than I would expect from something with a title like this. I have to say I was actually pleasantly surprised at just how good this movie really is. Sure, it’s pot humour, but it’s also a horror and a comedy – watch this one folks!

Here’s the trailer:


Piranha (1995)–Just How Many Remakes of Piranha Are There?!?!

PiranhaSo I found my self with a little extra time on my hands and decided to watch the 1995 version of the Rodger Corman classic, Piranha. Now, you might be thinking that you read one, no two reviews of Piranha on this blog already. You’re right, and now here’s a third.

This 1995 release has a new story (mostly) and new actors but reuses the actual piranha attack clips from the original 1978 release – Hey, it’s good to recycle, right?.

Like all Piranha movies, the fish are accidentally released into a river or lake (river that dumps into a mam made lake this time), and a few good people have to convince some bad people to cancel an even that takes place at a beach. And like all other Piranha movies, the bad people refuse to believe them until it’s too late.

There really isn’t anything in this version that screams must watch, though it is fun. One little tidbit: the young daughter of the main character, Paul Grogan (played by William Katt of The Greatest American Hero), is played by a very young Mila Kunis. I did not know this while watching the movie, and despite not having a lot of lines, I was thinking that this child actor is the only one in the whole movie that seems believable. Looking up the cast after I was done watching is when I found out it was Mila – good job!

So, to summarize: This version of Piranha doesn’t bring anything new to the table an early performance by Mila Kunis), but it is fun nonetheless,and if you like these B-Movies then this one is as good as most and might bring a smile on a boring afternoon.

Check out the trailer below, and below that a link to the entire movie, for as long as that works (please let me know if the link is dead!):

 

Here’s the whole movie on Youtube:


Nightscares (1994)–Oh What a Piece of Crap They Dreamed Up Here

nightscaresThis 1994 movie starring the always hot Elizabeth Hurley absolutely sucks. I like bad movies but someone owes me some freakin’ time back. Oh, and it is also known as “Beyond Bedlam.”

I watched this on Netflix, as it was a recommended watch. I think Netflix might hate me.

The movie (attempts) to tell the story of a Doctor who is injecting a notorious criminal with a new drug that she hopes will cure him of his homicidal ways. It doesn’t and allows him to enter peoples dreams and them to kill themselves.

Yeah…screw that shit.

Don’t watch this, even if you’ve got the biggest crush on Elizabeth Hurley… Don’t watch it.

This movie is so crappy that I can’t even find a trailer for it.


Airplane! (1980)–Say What You Want–This Movie is a Classic

Airplane!So… I re-watched Airplane! for the umpteenth time a couple of nights ago. Yeah, I’ve seen this movie many times… so many times. You know what, though? I am not tired of this movie at all.

The 1980’s brought a lot of terrible things to our society: neon fashions, big hair and country rock. One good thing was Airplane! Starring Robert Hays as ex fighter pilot, Ted Striker suffering from post traumatic stress who now has a terrible fear of flying, who attempts to conquer his fear and hops on a flight that his ex-fiancé is a air hostess, Elaine Dickinson, played by Julie Hagerty aboard the flight that he desperately wants to reconcile with. During the fight,many of the passengers, and the entire flight crew succumb to food poisoning leaving the plane crewless. Despite his post traumatic stress, Striker is forced to take the reigns and get the plane safely down. While this is happening, he is fighting internal Demons, and a air traffic controller that does not believe in him, pressure from all around him and some genuine silliness. The scenes in the control tower are some of the funniest (in my opinion), ever captured on film.

Filled with cheezy lines, puns and just genuinely great, funny and bizarre  from a surprisingly good cast. This is the movie, that for many, is considered the vehicle that launched Leslie Nielsen as a comedy powerhouse (Yeah, I know Police Squad came first). This movie makes me laugh and smile every time I see it. Very loosely based on the 1957 movie Zero Hour! and taking bits from the Airport movies, Airplane! does a great job of parodying the disaster movies of the late 1970’s.

There are two sequels to this movie, which are funny but not as good as the original. If you like this then I say go ahead and watch them, just don’t expect them to be as good – they are not.

Go watch this movie if you haven’t – if you have, go watch it again!

Here’s the trailer:


Logan’s Run (1976) – It May Be Cheezy, But It’s Also Good

loganI don’t knowhow many times I’ve seen the movie, Logan’s Run, but I know it’s more than 10 times. Why do I keep coming back? Must be the charm, because while it’s not a cinematic masterpieces, I find it compelling, and it’s concept interesting.

The story takes place in 2274, and the remains of humanity have been living in a domed, utopian like society, where all parts of living are taken care for you by a computer. Mankind lives for pleasure and there is no more struggle. There is just one trade off, though: You only get to live to the age of 30, and then you must enter “Carrousel” where you have the chance at renewal…though most likely you’ll just end up vaporized. To ensure no one exceeds their allotted 30 years, all humans are implanted with a life clock in their palm – a disk that changes colour as you age, and eventually flashes red when you’ve reached your time to enter carrousel. The majority enters carrousel with no issue, but some choose to run when their time approaches. When that happens, the computer sends a Sandman for you. A Sandman is basically a policeman who is entrusted to capture these Runners.

Michael York plays Logan 5, a Sandman who the computer decides to prematurely age (make his life clock blink, despite having several years left to him. This is done so he can run himself and find the legendary “Sanctuary” – a place spoken of by runners. Sanctuary is supposedly a safe place where you can live out your years past your allotted 30  years. Logan is forced to try to flee, as he is pursued by once fellow Sandmen. As he does he brings along a woman, Jessica (played by Jenny Agutter), who he believes my be sympathetic to runners and may have a clue as to where Sanctuary lies. After a few hairy situations, including a bad plastic surgeon with a young and sexy Farah Fawcett for a nurse and having to convince a group of dissidents that Logan is not a plant, and defeating a weird mirrored robot who’s job has been to process “nutrients from the Sea”, they eventually make it outside the dome, into the wild of the real world. After a few unusual experiences, and noticing that their Life Clocks are now clear, like a baby’s, they eventually find their way to the ruins of a city, Washington D.C. Once there they encounter an old man and his cats, played by the always great Peter Ustinov who tells of his life in the world, explaining how he lived with his birth parents (something quite alien to the dome dwellers). Convincing the old man to follow them, they eventually make their way back to the dome, leaving the old man waiting for them outside. Once in the dome, Logan is captured and interrogated by the central computer. When Logan’s answers cause a break down of the computer, the entire dome starts falling apart. Logan and Jessica lead the people outside where they encounter the old man… Queue credits.

Cheezy on many levels, Logan’s Run is still an important Science Fiction film (and book) that describes a world that some believed was not too far off. Aged, but entertaining, I heartily suggest this a s a watch.

Check out the trailer below:


Hardware (1990) – Interesting

hardwareI watched 1990’s Hardware back in 1990 and remember it being a weird but interesting sci-fi film with cool music. After re-watching it today, I can safely say my memories of this movie holds up.

Dylan McDermott stars as Moses Baxter, a Space Marine who’s returned from action and picks up some scrap electronics and metal for his artist girlfriend, Jill (played by Stacey Travis) to incorporate in her work. Little do either of them know that included in the pile of scrap is the functioning head of an experimental killer military robot hell bent on destroying everything around it.

Late at night, the head, starts reassembling itself into a killer robot, armed with tools from Jill’s studio. It’s final form is a crazy. deadly, concoction of wires, steel and saw… and violence. Ad to the mix a creepy neighbour that spies on Jill… and falls victim to the robot as well as some secondary characters played by some familiar faces – look for Iggy Pop and Lemmy Killminster, among others, make this film more interesting than one might expect. This is a simple, weird film that has a dated look to it, but carries a coolness. The music is a combination of late 80’s/early 90’s hardcore/metal and back in the day, I kinda’ though the movie was made in order to expose the music – I’m still not convinced this isn’t at least partially true.

It’s all a sort of world has gone to hell and the machines are rising up against us sort of movie and is very confusing, but I still found it interesting. I can easily say that I’ve never seen another movie like it. If you haven’t seen it, or like me haven’t seen it for a long time, then I suggest checking it out.


Zaat (1971)–Oh… You Don’t Have to Watch This One (Full Movie Link Included)

zaatZaatJust finished watching Blood Waters of Dr. Z…

Yep, I watched it.

A 1971 pseudo environmental warning horror film about a scientist (mad, of course) who combines the invasive species, The Walking Catfish, and mankind to create a killer fishman – himself.

He kidnaps and kills a few people, looks ridiculous and is silly.

That is all this movie has going for it. Watch it if you like, I found it on Netflix (U.S.). Apparently it was also known as Zaat and is available on Youtube.

Here is the Trailer. and look below that for the entire movie (as “Zaat”)

 

And Here’s the whole movie:


The Last Star Fighter (1984)–Silly Mid-80’s Family Friendly Sci-Fi

last_starfighter_posterI found The Last Star Fighter on Blu-Ray for $10 yesterday while flipping through the cheap discs at the local Target® and couldn’t resist picking it up.

I was pleasantly surprised by how clean the copy is and it comes chock full of extras – not a bad deal for $10.

The Last Star Fighter is a harmless little sci-fi movie from 1984 that tells the story of Alex Rogan (played by Lance Guest) a high school senior with dreams of doing something big in life, though life always seems to have other plans for him. Living in the Star Lite Trailer park with his mom, the owner and manager, Alex finds most of his free time taken up with repairs an helping out the various residents instead of spending time with his friends and his girlfriend, Maggie (played by Catherine Mary Stewart). The only escape he seems to be able to manage is while playing the videogame, The Last Star Fighter, that was delivered to the Trailer Park. One night Alex beats the record, taking out the boss ship… weirdly, this seams to be the most exciting thing that has ever happened in this trailer park, and soon everyone is gathered around the machine watching Alex destroy aliens.

Guess what? The video game was actually a recruiting tool left by  Centauri, a recruiter for the Star Fighters, a group of Space Ship warriors that are the defense of the Star League against the Evil Xur (played by Norman Snow). Picked up by Centauri and brought to the Star Fighter headquarters, Alex is confused – When it’s explained that he is to be a Star Fighter, Alex decides against it, explaining that he has too much to do at home. Centauri delivers him home, leaving a communication device with Alex in case he changes his mind.

Once back things are not as they should be: Alex discovers that Beta Alex, a robot left to take his place has caused issues between him and Maggie, as well as the fact that a hit-Beast is set to kill him. Messaging Centauri, he manages to elude the Hit beast long enough until Centauri arrives and destroys the hit beast. Speaking to Alex, he makes it plain that as long as Alex is at the Trailer park, the beasts will hunt him. Alex decides to join the Star Fighters.

Arriving at the base, they discover that a sneak attack has wiped out all the remaining Star Fighters but one, and experimental ship with a new weapons system. At first Alex is doubtful of his abilities and wants to go back to Earth, but a sudden dog fight with some enemy ships changes his mind. Deciding on a tactic of surprise, Alex and his trusty Navigator Grig, hide out and let the enemy flotilla pass them by, and then they attack from behind.

Success! Alex is a hero (I don’t want to give away more). Alex returns for his girl and then returns to space…

Okay, this movie is hokey  and cheezy, and the computer graphics don’t wow like they did on 1984, but the movie is still fun. When I was 14 and seeing the movie in the theatre, I was disappointed, but not now: I’ve learned a new appreciation since I was 14. If you get a chance to watch this movie, take it as it’s fun.

Checkout the trailer below.


What Do You Mean You Still Haven’t Bought Your Copy of Manborg Yet?!?!?!


The Frankenstein Theory (2013)–Interesting if Uninspiring

Frankenstein_Theory_PosterWell, The Frankenstein Theory popped up on Netflix as a “Top Ten Recommendation” for me so I thought why the hell not watch it.

This movie tells the story of Jonathan Venkenhein (played by Kris Lemche who also starred in Alter Egos, a movie I blogged about previously), the true heir to the Frankenstein myth and his search for the monster whom he believes to be still alive and residing in the arctic wastes of northern Canada. Turns out his great grandfather (or great great grandfather) created the monster that was immortalized in the Mary Shelley story. Venkenhein has hired a film crew to tag a long and film his quest.

Arriving at their destination, they hook up with a grizzled guide who takes them out to the desolation of the arctic, along the way filling them with tales of horror related to the extremes of weather and the dangerous polar bears. The first night they setup camp in a tent. Waking up their guide at the sound of wolves, the grumpy guide lets them know that wolves are the last thing they have to worry about… and to not wake him up again, or else. The next day they carry on to a Yurt, a round primitive structure which they setup camp in for the night. During the dark they hear horrific noises that Venkenhein attributes to the monster but the rest of the group think are the noises of bears. They awake to the destruction or damaging of all but one of their snowmobiles. Their guide decides to follow the tacks leading away from the destruction to get to the bottom of whom would ever do something like this. When four hours later the guide doesn’t return, they send out two of the party to find him. They find him alright… Dead.

The rest of the movie is the struggle of the ever decreasing remaining people trying to survive. By now it’s pretty obvious that Venkenhein’s monster does exist. They send out one member of the team to go out on the the one remaining snow mobile. When he doesn’t return, they start walking. Soon finding the remaining of the crew member that went for help, the team is gripped with the reality that they may not get back…

And the monster returns.

Ever see Trollhunter? If yes then think of that movie if the movie makers didn’t try as hard. This movie’s biggest issue is that it is boring, and if you’ve read this blog before you know the one thing I don’t forgive a movie maker is for boring me. Should you watch this movie? Well, I say no. Check out the trailer for yourself, though: