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Posts tagged “dumb

Shaky Cam Week–Found Footage Movies

So, we’ve decided to do a week of found/lost footage movies (i.e. “Shaky Cam”). You know what those are? Movies that are supposed to look like they were recorded on handheld devices, like The Blair Witch Project. There are quite a few, but just a tiny few worth watching. Hopefully we’ll see a couple that you would like to watch…

Keep your eyes on the site!!!


Night Of The Living Dead: Resurrection (2012)–You Know What? Maybe It’s Time For Amateurs To Leave Night Of The Living Dead Alone

MV5BMjEyNTc2NDg5NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzA5MDExNw@@._V1_SX214_Okay, so there’s a Zombie outbreak, a family is stuck in their home, a group of tough ass hole teens are also causing issues and there is no happy ending.

Well you know enough about this movie now. Don’t bother wasting your time on this long winded, waste of time movie that uses the Night of the Living Dead namesake. It’s just plain boring. I really think that if you are going to butcher a movie, butcher your own movie and leave Night of the Living Dead out of it. Make up a new Zombie Movie name of your own and go with it… Ah,right, but why would anyone watch it? So, why not tack on a title of an iconic movie and hope to snag unsuspecting horror fans…

Screw you folks – you suck at making movies.


Free Ride (2013)–This Has To Be The Most Boring Movie About Drug Trafficking Ever

Free_Ride_film2013’s Free Ride stars Anna Paquin and is based on a true story as a mom in the 1970’s that escapes an abusive relationship with her kids and heads to Florida. Once there she starts working for a major pot importer whom she meets through a friend. She is raising two daughters and not doing a particular job about that. Stuff happens, people get hurt/go to jail etc…

Okay, the acting isn’t bad in this film, but the story is freakin’ boring. Coming in at only an hour and twenty-six minutes, it felt like a damned eternity. You know, just because you have a story to tell, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should, We learn that the story/movie is written by one of the daughters… Next time stick to your diary, as this is a waste of time.

Check out the trailer below, but don’t be fooled by it as it’s all smoke and mirrors – the trailer is all you really need.


Escape From L.A. (1996) – Snake Plissken Is Back In A Parody Of His Own, Old Adventure

Escape_From_LAEscape From LA is the 1996 unnecessary sequel to the classic 1981 action film, Escape from New York. In Escape From New York, Snake Plissken (played by Kurt Russell), is enlisted to rescue the President, who’s plane has crashed in New York. New York, once a bustling metropolis, has been turned into a giant prison without guards, and run by different factions of criminals. Plissken goes in, and against all odds, rescues the President. In the 1996 sequel, Snake is back (and still being played by Kurt Russell). This time he is expected to retrieve a control for a space based nuclear weapons platform that was stolen by the new, President for Life’s daughter in an act of defiance, and brought to LA, now also a prison, separated from the rest of the continental United States by an earthquake, and given to Cuervo Jones (Georges Corraface), an ex Peruvian Shining Path rebel, and leader of the most powerful faction of criminals in L.A. Snake originally turns down the job… that is until he finds out he has no real choice in the matter, and only has about a day to complete the task…or else. Once in L.A., Plissken goes about the task of locating the President’s daughter and Cuervo. At first it seems like he may get some help from "Map to the Stars" Eddie (Steve Buscemi), but maybe…. just maybe Eddie has his own plans.

Anyway, Plissken gets captured, gets loose, gets into some fights (with and without weapons), and of course, gets the job done. But with almost all movies, things just aren’t that simple. Who is the true bad guy?

This is a silly, parody o the original Escape From New York. I could see some true fans of the original possibly hating this movie, but if you watch it with the mindset similar to mine, where you were looking for some silly action entertainment, then you might like it. Just don’t go in expecting a serious, action movie and you should be okay.

Check out the trailer below:


Smiley (2012)–One of The Crappiest Slashers I’ve Seen In A Long Time

smileyYeah, so I watched 2012’s Smiley last night.

It’s a piece of crap with a stupid plot, a stupid attempt at a “twist”… and I’m sure some freakin’ hipster will defend it as the direction of the new “Artcore” movement.

Just because you call a piece of crap a rose, doesn’t make it a rose.

So, a girl starts college, and her partying new dorm mate invites her to a party. Once there she’s introduced to “Smiley” – You get in an Internet chat room with someone, and while you are there, you type “I did it for the lulz” three times, and magically a distorted smiley face character comes out of know where and kills the person on the other side of the chat window. Not a terrible idea for a horror movie, but unfortunately, it is a terrible horror movie. I’m not even 100% sure where it went off the track, but it was one of those movies where you just end up waiting for it to end.

Don’t bother with this piece of crap folks… Unless you are the hipster that is going to email me about “Artcore” = and if you are, spare yourself and me the time and don’t bother formulating that email.

Screw the trailer, as this movie doesn’t deserve the posting of a trailer here.


The Horror at 37,000 Feet

HorrorWow… It’s been so long since that I watched this movie, that I had completely forgot that I saw this movie. Not that I was missing much, bet yeah, I’ve seen this when I was a pretty young kid. Some things are best left in the past… Hehehe.

The Horror at 37,000 Feet is a made for TV horror film staring Chuck Connors, Buddy Ebsen and William Shatner that takes place on a 747 airliner…at apparently 37,000 feet. There’s a Druid stone on the plane (being moved from England to the U.S. to be part of a private bar of a successful architect. It’s the solstice, the ancient Druid god’s are angry and demanding a sacrifice.
So, the movie is pretty weak, as one might expect for a made for TV movie of this time (1973), and I doubt many would like it. I enjoyed it mostly due to the memories it brought back and my weird love of crappy movies. If you want to relive some TV memories from the 70’s or also like cheezy bad movies, then I say go for it… If you don’t fit this mould, just walk away and don’t look back.
Trivia: Paul Winfield also stars in this movie – William Shatner and Paul Winfield would later go on to be in Star Trek II – The Wrath of Khan nine years later in 1982.

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Vampire Week Movie 4 – Love at First Bite (1979)

Love_at_first_biteIf you like horror parodies like the Scary Movie series, but haven’t seen 1979’s comedic horror classic, Love at First Bite, then you owe it to your self to do so. Starring George Hamilton as Count Dracula, who is forced from his home in Transylvania when the communist government decides to take his castle and convert it to a gymnastics training ground. Taking this as an opportunity to meet the woman he believes he is in love with (from afar), model Cindy Sondheim (Susan Saint James). Setting himself and his bungling bug eating servant Renfield (Arte Johnson) in a New York hotel, and goes about trying to meet Cindy. While in the Big Apple, Dracula learns of the wonders of the blood bank (“We are here to make a withdrawal”), and the dangers of drinking the blood of winos among other things. While winning over Cindy is a cinch for the master of persuasion, Count Dracula, he soon finds himself in a silly, on going battle with Cindy’s psychiatrist and non-committal sometimes lover, Jeffrey Rosenberg (Richard Benjamin), Grandson of Dracula’s nemesis, Van Helsing. Fortunately for Dracula, Rosenberg is nowhere near the Vampire hunter his Grandfather was, and his attempts to out or attack Dracula are absolutely hysterical.

This is a silly silly movie that I absolutely adore. I have watched this movie many times and will watch it again – It’s just plain fun. I say watch this movie.


It’s Alive (1974)–Finally Tackled a Childhood Terror

its-alive-posterWhen 1974’s horror movie, It’s Alive was released, there was the creepiest commercial for the movie where you see a baby carriage, and hear what appears to be a normal baby cry…but as the camera pans around the baby carriage, you see a big monster hand coming out from inside the pram… Well that commercial used to scare the living crap out of me… seriously (hey, I was 4 or 5 at the time). Well, today I finally faced down that fear and watched the movie.

Check out that scary (for a 4 or 5 year old) TV spot here:

 

It’s Alive tells the tale of a couple, Frank and Lenore Davis (John Ryan and Sharon Farrell), who give birth to a child that is nothing short of a monster. The initial birth is a little tough, as the baby is larger than a normal baby, but the doctor is still confident is all right… Next thing you know the delivery room is full of the dead or dying bodies of the doctors an nurses that were assisting in the birth… and a monster baby is on the loose in the city of Los Angeles.

Dad wants the baby dead because it’s an abomination who’s existence has caused the loss of his job, and the ruination of his family. The big drug companies want the baby dead in the off chance he’s a by product of there chemicals. And the police want the baby dead… because it’s killing people. The only one that seems not to want the baby dead is the mother… at first, at least.

This is definitely a creepy movie, and reasonable well done, if a little slow. Having been as scared as I was of the damned commercial as a child, I do wish the movie was scarier than it is, though I am happy that it doesn’t totally suck. An interesting concept and if the idea sounds like something that you’d like, then definitely watch it.

Check out the trailer below and decide for yourself:


Battle of the Damned (2013)–Dolph Lundgren Kickin’ Zombie (like) Butt With Some Cool Robot Sidekicks

Battle_of_the_DamnedWell, this was surprisingly fun. 2013’s Battle of the Damned stars Dolph Lundgren as Major Max Gatling, who with his small group of mercenaries are hired to extract a rich company boss’ daughter from within’ a zone of a city overrun with zombie like (fast zombie like) disease victims.

This movie was another that I just didn’t expect much at all from, but was actually surprised by how entertaining it actually was. The story: A guy is hired, along with his mercenary buddies to save the industrialist daughter, endangered by zombies (sort of) from withn’ a city full of those beasts. She’s found refuge with a group of survivors, lorded over by a well meaning but jerkish leader by the name of “Duke.” Duke is convinced no one can make it out alive, and tries to make sure that Gatling doesn’t risk any of his group, going so far as to leave him handcuffed to a post, exposed for the zombies to get… But of  course Gatling is too bad ass to die that way. Escaping (with help), they of course run into some robots who are very happy to take orders from Gatling. Next up: Robot versus Zombie action.

Okay, silly? Maybe but awesome? Definitely. If you like a good action movie, Zombies and Robots, well this movie has it all. Does it deserve any awards? Oh hell no – but is is fun and I heartily recommend it! Check out the trailer below:


Switchblade Sisters (1975)–Gloriously Terrible

switchbladesisters1975’s Switchblade Sisters (a.k.a. “Maggie’s Stiletto Sisters) is a mid-1970’s exploitation flick on steroids.

Telling the story of a female gang, know as the Dagger Debs (a sub gang made of the girl friends of The Daggers, and all male gang), run by tough chick Lace (played by Robbie Lee) who rules her gang through fear. Soon a small time confrontation in a diner ends with a new member of the gang, Maggie, who impressed Lace with her whip like skills and lack of fear.Lace and Maggie grow closer, which get’s fellow gang member, Patch (played by Monica Gayle), jealous as Maggie seems to be displacing her as Lace’s right hand girl. At the same time, Dominic (played by Asher Brauner), leader of the Daggers and Lace’s man takes a fancy to Maggie, forcing himself on her in her home one night. Seeing an opportunity, Patch starts laying the seeds of dissent by planting the idea that Maggie is actually after Dominic.

After a raid on a rival gang at a roller rink goes bad, and Dominic is killed, and Lace ends up in the hospital, Maggie decides that the remaining Daggers are just too weak to follow, she brings the girls to a “Black” neighbourhood and meets up with some militaristic woman gang members whom they team up with to take out that rival gang. Successfully destroying the rivals, now a conflict breaks out between Lace and Maggie. Believing Maggie is trying to usurp her as leader, and that she was trying to take Dominic (before he died of course), Maggie and Lace engage in a switchblade fight…

Okay, enough… I actually had fun watching this terrible movie. There are very few redeeming qualities to this film, or even this genre of film, but it is damn fun. The incredible cheeziness of the script, acting and overall concept makes this an almost must watch!

Check out the trailer below and make your own decision.


Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (2012)–So Very Bad… But I Still Had Fun

Bloody Bloody Bible CampWow… So 2012’s Bloody Bloody Bible Camp is a throw back to the early 1980’s slasher films. Kinda’

Starting off in 1977 where we see the story of a group of Bible Campers hanging out trying to get laid and smoking dope… And eventually most of them die. Cut to 1984 and a new group is going up to the camp – mostly to die.

Where do I start? Bad plot with bad acting and bad production. Sound suffers at time (from that bad production that I just mentioned)…. and the actors and actresses are pretty ugly for the most part.

This movie is terribly stupid… but I still had fun.

Should you watch this movie? Well you freakin’ decide.


Tank Girl (1995)–Tank Girl, You Rock My Movie Watching World

Tank_girl_posterOh my… why has it taken so long for me to watch Tank Girl?

So, I remember when this movie first came out back in the day and thinking “that looks like crap” and never bothering to watch it. Well this week my movie watching buddy suggested we watch it, and while not totally enthused, I agreed. I’m glad I did.

Tank Girl is a 1995 post apocalypse Sci-Fi movie based on a comic of the same name. Taking place in the year 2033, 11 years after a comet hit the Earth devastating the environment. One large, evil company, Water and Power (WP) controls the World’s water supply. They are run by the equally evil Kesslee (played very well by Malcolm McDowell. Rebecca, (Tank Girl, played by Lori Petty) is a crazy ass resistance member that survive off of water they extract themselves – something very much against WP’s company policy. In a raid, most of Tank Girl’s compatriots are killed, while her young friend, Sam (Stacy Linn Ramsower), is captured. After managing on killing a good number of WP’s men, Tank Girl is also taken into captivity. Impressed by her ability to kill so many of his top men, Kesslee offer’s her a job. Refusing, Kesslee put her through a series of tortures in order to break her will… Good luck with that.

When not being tortured, she is forced to work gruelling shifts for WP. There she meets Jet Girl (played by Naomi Watts), a girl with talent, butt very timid. They get to know each other when Tank Girl saves Jet Girl from the advances of a guard. Eventually Tank Girl escapes (with a tank – go figure), and goes off to look for her friend Sam (now forced into servitude at a brothel). Along the way she meets he Rippers – mutant humanoids (and something else – watch the movie to figure that out) that fight WP at every step. Eventually Tank Girl gains the trust of the Rippers (who are actually quite civilized in their own way), and she and the Rippers take on WP. Pretty vague description… but that is on purpose.

Tank Girl successfully combines action, Science Fiction and comedy all together into a goulash  of awesomeness that I completely did not expect. This movie had my attention from the beginning, and while completely weird, is also completely awesome. I heartily suggest you watch this crazy movie.

Check out the trailer below:


Cottage Country (2013)–Far From Perfect But Still Funny

cottage-countryHave you seen Tucker and Dale Vs Evil? If you answered no to that question then go watch that, and then come back and read this.

Starring Tyler Labine and Malin Akerman as Todd Chipowski and Cammie Ryan, a young couple planning a week long romantic vacation at Todd’s family cottage. Once there, Todd plans on proposing marriage to Cammie. Once there, they are interrupted by Todd’s brother Salinger and his whacked out Euro trash girlfriend. Things get weird and wacky and some one ends up dead and then the fun starts. Ad a crap load of unexpected partiers and a very curious mystic friend… and another death, and then some lies and you have this movie.

Very obviously a Canadian film (that’s an observation, not a condemnation), the movie is a little jumbled, and it looks like they tried to go in two many directions at once and missed the mark a couple of times. Todd, to me seems like a cleaned up evolution of Tucker from the aforementioned Tucker and Dale Vs Evil, proving again that Tyler Labine can be funny in similar situations… But you know what? This movie made me laugh quite a bit, and to me that goes a long way.  A bit of a mess at times, I still say go ahead and watch it. My cable has it on Video On Demand, so it’’ should be pretty easy to find.

Check out the trailer below:


Freaked (1993)–Awesome Movie–Why Haven’t I Heard of It Before Now?

freakedWell, this movie was a surprise. Coming out in 1993 and having a pretty damned big cast, I have no idea as to why I’ve never heard of it up until last week.

1993’s Freaked stars William Sadler as Dick Brian, a former child star that, along with a group of compatriots, are turned into mutant freaks by mad scientist/Showman Elijah C. Scruggs (played very well by Randy Quaid), and held captive, along with his other victims turned performers for his own Freak Show. Of course i’s up to them to plot an escape, which leads to a whole new bunch of excitement. Retelling the tale of the incident that left him horribly disfigured and ended his acting career on a daytime talk show hosted by the vacuous Skye Daily (played by Brooke Shields), while in shadow (presumable to hide his horrible disfigurement), the movie is shot as a flashback, and occasionally returning to the present either for a dumb, but funny comment from Skye, or a silly commercial. Quaid’s Scruggs is an awesomely over the top character, and his stable of freaks is truly impressive. I especially enjoyed Mr. T as the Bearded Lady! Special effect makeups are fantastic and completely over the top. The film combines horror with humour very successfully, something that isn’t easy to do.

A silly film that deserves your attention, I heartily suggest this as a watch.

Check out the trailer below:


Forbidden World (1982)–Pretty Generic Monster Sci-Fi

forbidden-worldI watched Forbidden World not expecting much – I wasn’t disappointed.

A generic feeling early 80’s Sci-Fi movie, this is a dark and visually muddy movie. A specialist is sent to a planet where experiments in creating a high protein  food source has gone awry when the creature the scientists have created (a mutant, hybrid between human and whatever), goes rogue and starts killing and transforming the crew of the outpost.

The mature creature looks a little like an obese version of the Alien from, well.. Alien, and it’s pre-transformation looks a little like a you might see inhabiting the thermal vents of the Marianas trench. The actors are people I’ve never heard of, there’s a little bit of 80’s breast and that’s it.

I’ve seen worse, but I’ve also seen much better. This movie seems to have a little bit of a cult following. I wonder if that is due to people who saw the movie at a young and impressionable age.

Anyway, I watched it on Netflix.

Here is the trailer:


Soylent Green (1973) – Slow Burning Sci-Fi

Soylent_greenIt seems to me that it is amazing that it took until yesterday for me to finally watch the 1973 Sci-Fi classic, Soylent Green, but it’s true and I am glad I finally did so.

Soylent Green takes place in New York City in 2022. The world is struggling to feed the masses a,d the human diet is primarily soy and plankton wafers (of different colours and quality) made by the Solent company. The wafers are found in red, yellow and the new, higher quality Soylent Green variety. When When New York city Police Detective Robert Thorn (played by Charlton Heston), is called to investigate the murder William R. Simonson, he discovers the dirty truth behind the Soylent corporation and their new wonder product, Soylent Green.

This movie paints an interesting if bleak view of the not so distant future: The humanity is struggling to feed it’s masses, while the upper crust lives in relative opulence. Rich executives have concubines (referred to as furniture) included with the rent of their homes. They get access to real foods instead of waiting in never ending lines for an allotment of tasteless survival food. Thorn’s persistent investigating turns up something very disturbing about the Soylent corporations new miracle food Soylent Green… Something that would definitely make it much less palatable .

This is an important Sci-Fi film, and I definitely suggest you watch it. It’s a bit slow, and if your Sci-Fi requires spaceships and laser guns, then don’t watch this as it will disappoint. But if you enjoy a good story then check it out.


The Keep (1983)–Should Have Kept Hidden

Keepposter1983’s The Keep is a long winded, confusing crappy storry about Nazi’s that release some ancient evil from a “Keep.:

Yeah, this is an ambitious tale, staring the usually amazing Sir Ian McKellen (actually, he’s the only strong part of this film)  and a handful of others that I won’t even bother looking up.  I couldn’t even pay attention, and I had NO distractions. If you read this blog even semi regularly, you know that it doesn’t take much for me to find something to like in a movie. I mean, lots of crappy 80’s synthesizer music, dry ice fog and Nazis and Demons…Should be good enough but it wasn’t.

Don’t bother with this one folks. And to think I almost bought the Blu-Ray!


Basket Case Trilogy (1982,1990,1992)–Hilariously Ridiculous

coverWow… I had never heard of the Basket Case movies until my buddy suggested we watch them about a month ago. Well, last night we finished the last of the three movies and I have to say that I was left pleasantly surprised at how much these movies entertained me.

The Basket Case movies tell the story of two Siamese, or co-joined twins, separated in childhood. One twin, Duane Bradley (played hilariously cheezily by Kevin Van Hentenryck) is a fully formed, mostly normal looking guy, but his brother, Belial, is a disgusting blob of flesh with one dangerously powerful arm and, a very strong leg and a disturbingly human face with a mouth full of jagged, dangerous teeth. Belial is a dangerous character who is understandable unbalanced. Spending most of his time in a basket (hence the name of the movies), he and Duane have a psychic bond and can communicate without words). Duane and Belial were separated against their will when children in a horrific home surgery. Now Belial and Duane are looking for revenge on the doctor’s that did the brutal operation. Belial, extracting his revenge – this little guy is a damned efficient killing machine – having killed a large number of people, gets into a scuffle and he and Duane fall out a window together. Apprehended and brought to a hospital, they both escape.

Basket Case 2 picks up where Basket Case  left off – now Duane and Bradley find themselves in the home of Granny Ruth (played by Annie Ross), a woman who has taken it upon herself to provide sanctuary for horribly and bizarrely deformed people. The cast of strange creatures is interesting and funny – I thing the creature designer on this film most likely had a great time. This is a place where Belial can feel at home and not have to hide from the world. Duane, though is having a tougher time fitting in, as he feels like the outsider. That said, he manages to fall in love with Granny Ruth’s assistant, Susan (played by Heather Rattray), a seemingly normal young lady – and it seems that she loves Duane, too. Also, Belial finds love himself when he falls for a similarly mutated Eve. Soon Granny Ruth’s sanctuary is threatened by a sleazy reporter and photographer. Duane and Belial decide to organize the ragtag group of mutants into an efficient and deadly defence. After saving the day, Duane and Susan start to get it on… and Duane finds out the real reason Susan stays with Granny Ruth. Duane flips out and goes off the mental deep end (and something happens to Susan)… And the movie ends. Oh, I can’t forget to mention the weirdest love scene ever between two lumps of mutated flesh.

Basket Case 3, starts the moment Basket Case 2 ends. Duane wakes up to find himself in a straight jacket, calling out to whomever claiming that he’s all better now. Granny Ruth enters his padded cell and explains how long he’s been there and why. She also gives him some good news: he’s going to be an uncle, as Belial has impregnated Eve. Eve, being massively mutated, is starting to go into labour, and Granny Ruth is concerned that she may require medical attention. She packs up the entire group of mutants into a school bus and they take off to a sympathetic Doctor referred to as Uncle Hal. Uncle Hal has been taking care of a genius, multi-armed mutant, Little Hal. Duane, still a loose, mildly crazy loose cannon, is trying to escape at any cost. Meanwhile Eve Gives birth to a…a lot of little Belial copies, despite the fact that Belial loses it and attacks Uncle Hal (due to a flashback). Getting the attention of the Sheriff’s daughter, who he stupidly trusts, he soon finds himself behind bars, while the stupid deputy’s decided that they want to capture Belial for a reported $1,000,000 reward offered by a rag newspaper. Yeah, well that doesn’t go very well and one escapes with his life and a basket full of baby Belial looking offspring. The mutants aren’t going to stand for that, and they launch a brazen attack on the jail in order to save the babies. Things get even weirder.

Okay, these are low budget movies that leave a lot to be desired. That said, I really enjoyed them. Duane is an unbelievable silly character that while fake, is super fun to watch. Belial is such a weird character that it’s hard to find him scary, and the gallery of mutants under Granny Ruth’s roof are very… crazy. Still, I really liked these movies – they have a certain charm that is very rare in the horror genre, and if you can suspend your sense of disbelief, you might just have a good time watching these crazy movies.


A Fist Full of Dollars (1964)–A Man With No Name Brings the Spaghetti Western to The Masses

A_Fistful_of_Dollars_posterSergio Leone’s 1964 movie, A Fist Full of Dollars, took a little known American TV actor, put him in the roll of a Man With No Name, and propelled him to stardom as well as taking a waning genre, the Western, and with a twist, giving it a new lease on life. That actor? Clint Eastwood.

Joe, or “The Man With No Name, played by the then up and coming Clint Eastwood, arrives the the tiny Mexican town of San Miguel. Quickly proving himself quiet and a loner, and more importantly a really quick draw. Soon he realizes that there are two factions, the Rojo Brothers and the family of the town’s sheriff, John Baxter, both fighting for control of the town. Seeing an opportunity for profit, he works at getting the two sides to fight each other.

Witnessing a massacre of Mexican Soldiers by Rojo’s men, dressed as American Soldiers, Joe takes two of the bodies, planting them at at the local cemetery and sells information to both sides – both groups rush to the cemetery – one side to get information, the other side to silence the information before it gets out. Soon we can add kidnapping and murder to the pile of crimes both sides commit. Joe, or The Man With No Name eventually let’s his own motives shine through…

This movie is actually a retelling of the Japanese classic, Yojimbo by Akira Kurosawa and it is a wonderful, dark film that should be watched and watched often. This is the first of three “Dollars” or “Man With No Name” films to be released. The other two being For a Few Dollars More and the pinnacle of the Spaghetti Western, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. All three are amazing testaments to the genre and deserve their places in the annals of movie history. Watch them soon and watch them often.

Check out the trailer below:


Beyond The Law (1968) – A Coolness Only Lee Van Cleef Could Deliver (Entire Movie at Bottom of Post)

BYTL1968’s Beyond the Law is far from a perfect movie, but that doesn’t mean it’s not an entertaining movie, because it is in deed that.

One of countless Spaghetti Westerns that surfaced in the 60’s and early 70’s, you might not even know this one existed – I didn’t, until recently, that is. You see, about a year ago I purchased a DVD set, titled. “Spaghetti Westerns” that is chock full of Western goodness (and badness to be honest). It’s a five disc set that includes 20 movies – Beyond the Law was one of them.

Beyond the Law tells the story of a group of bandits that dupe a mining company of the cash it is having delivered to pay the wages of the miners. Through deception, the actual crooks look like heroes, and are actually asked to help out. The brains of the unit, Billy Joe Cudlip (played by Lee Van Cleef), befriends Ben Novack (played by Antonio Sabato), at first pitying him and then gaining respect for his abilities as the movie goes on. Soon Culdip and his gang is helping protect the mining operation from a gang, controlled by the villain, Burton (played by one time muscle man turned actor, Gordon Mitchell).

Gaining respect, Culdip is asked to become the new Sheriff, kind of ironic…really. He takes the position, much to the chagrin of the members of his small band of thieves, especially when they realize that he might just be taking the job seriously.

As noted at the beginning of this post, this is far from being a perfect film, but Lee Van Cleef raises it up and makes it entertaining. Also, the theme song is simply amazing. If you already like Spaghetti Westerns, then this one will be okay – If you are on the fence about the genre, then maybe leave this one be and try something like a Fist Full of Dollars or God’s Gun.

Here is the trailer:

 

And, for as long as it lasts, here is a link to the whole movie (let me know if it stops working):


Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (2013)–From Out of Nowhere Comes a Surprisingly Entertaining Retold Tale

HGBakedWell, I have to say that when this movie popped up on the list of titles that Netflix recommends me to watch, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. Then yesterday afternoon I received an email from a reader of the blog strongly suggesting that I watch it, saying that they were surprised at just how fun the movie was. Grudgingly, I decided to watch it for myself – And I am glad I did.

Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (HGGB) is a 2013 release that I am guessing was released to ride on what could have been the wave of a bigger budget Hansel and Gretel movie that seems to have actually fizzled – that’s okay though, as this movie is fun in it’s own right.

HGGB tells the modernized tale of a brother and sister duo, Hansel and Gretel, who go off on a quest to save Gretel’s stoner boyfriend who disappeared after going to get some more killer “Black Forrest” pot from a little old lady who has gained notoriety from the incredible quality of the weed she is selling. Turns out the little old lady, Agnes (and played quite well by Lara Flynn Boyle), is actually a Witch that uses the weed to lure teens to her home where she capture a select few to harvest their youthful essence, restoring her youth, and also uses their bodies as mulch to help produce the high quality pot.

The movie was much better than I expected with good production quality, plenty of gore and half decent acting – way more than I would expect from something with a title like this. I have to say I was actually pleasantly surprised at just how good this movie really is. Sure, it’s pot humour, but it’s also a horror and a comedy – watch this one folks!

Here’s the trailer:


Piranha (1995)–Just How Many Remakes of Piranha Are There?!?!

PiranhaSo I found my self with a little extra time on my hands and decided to watch the 1995 version of the Rodger Corman classic, Piranha. Now, you might be thinking that you read one, no two reviews of Piranha on this blog already. You’re right, and now here’s a third.

This 1995 release has a new story (mostly) and new actors but reuses the actual piranha attack clips from the original 1978 release – Hey, it’s good to recycle, right?.

Like all Piranha movies, the fish are accidentally released into a river or lake (river that dumps into a mam made lake this time), and a few good people have to convince some bad people to cancel an even that takes place at a beach. And like all other Piranha movies, the bad people refuse to believe them until it’s too late.

There really isn’t anything in this version that screams must watch, though it is fun. One little tidbit: the young daughter of the main character, Paul Grogan (played by William Katt of The Greatest American Hero), is played by a very young Mila Kunis. I did not know this while watching the movie, and despite not having a lot of lines, I was thinking that this child actor is the only one in the whole movie that seems believable. Looking up the cast after I was done watching is when I found out it was Mila – good job!

So, to summarize: This version of Piranha doesn’t bring anything new to the table an early performance by Mila Kunis), but it is fun nonetheless,and if you like these B-Movies then this one is as good as most and might bring a smile on a boring afternoon.

Check out the trailer below, and below that a link to the entire movie, for as long as that works (please let me know if the link is dead!):

 

Here’s the whole movie on Youtube:


Nightscares (1994)–Oh What a Piece of Crap They Dreamed Up Here

nightscaresThis 1994 movie starring the always hot Elizabeth Hurley absolutely sucks. I like bad movies but someone owes me some freakin’ time back. Oh, and it is also known as “Beyond Bedlam.”

I watched this on Netflix, as it was a recommended watch. I think Netflix might hate me.

The movie (attempts) to tell the story of a Doctor who is injecting a notorious criminal with a new drug that she hopes will cure him of his homicidal ways. It doesn’t and allows him to enter peoples dreams and them to kill themselves.

Yeah…screw that shit.

Don’t watch this, even if you’ve got the biggest crush on Elizabeth Hurley… Don’t watch it.

This movie is so crappy that I can’t even find a trailer for it.


Airplane! (1980)–Say What You Want–This Movie is a Classic

Airplane!So… I re-watched Airplane! for the umpteenth time a couple of nights ago. Yeah, I’ve seen this movie many times… so many times. You know what, though? I am not tired of this movie at all.

The 1980’s brought a lot of terrible things to our society: neon fashions, big hair and country rock. One good thing was Airplane! Starring Robert Hays as ex fighter pilot, Ted Striker suffering from post traumatic stress who now has a terrible fear of flying, who attempts to conquer his fear and hops on a flight that his ex-fiancé is a air hostess, Elaine Dickinson, played by Julie Hagerty aboard the flight that he desperately wants to reconcile with. During the fight,many of the passengers, and the entire flight crew succumb to food poisoning leaving the plane crewless. Despite his post traumatic stress, Striker is forced to take the reigns and get the plane safely down. While this is happening, he is fighting internal Demons, and a air traffic controller that does not believe in him, pressure from all around him and some genuine silliness. The scenes in the control tower are some of the funniest (in my opinion), ever captured on film.

Filled with cheezy lines, puns and just genuinely great, funny and bizarre  from a surprisingly good cast. This is the movie, that for many, is considered the vehicle that launched Leslie Nielsen as a comedy powerhouse (Yeah, I know Police Squad came first). This movie makes me laugh and smile every time I see it. Very loosely based on the 1957 movie Zero Hour! and taking bits from the Airport movies, Airplane! does a great job of parodying the disaster movies of the late 1970’s.

There are two sequels to this movie, which are funny but not as good as the original. If you like this then I say go ahead and watch them, just don’t expect them to be as good – they are not.

Go watch this movie if you haven’t – if you have, go watch it again!

Here’s the trailer: