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Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader (2012) – 50 Feet of Dangerous Cheesecake Silliness

imageThere is no way that I can think of describing where it sounds like a good movie, but that’s okay because this isn’t a good movie. That said, I still liked this movie. Created in the same vein of the cheezy drive in monster/mutant movies that populated drive ins of the 1950s through the late 1970s, this movie definitely fits right in with the worse/best of them.

Produced by Roger Corman, King of the B-Movies, but more a creation of writer Mike MacLean and director Kevin O’Neill, this movie tells the story of an acne spotted, nerdy girl, Cassie Stratford (played by Jena Sims) who is pressured by her mother (played by Sean Young) to join the cheerleader squad. She fails at first, much to the delight of cheerleader squad leader, Brittany (played by Olivia Alexander). Still feeling the pressure from her mother, Cassie decides to try the serum she and another lab student help develop that seems to rejuvenate and improve the outward appearances of lab rats and mice. Initially, Cassie finds herself with a now perfect complection and a bitchin’ body. When one of the cheerleaders gets injured, Cassie tries out again, and this time wows the team (and pissing off Brittany at the same time).

As Cassie becomes more gorgeos, she is also growing. Soon she ids a behemoth of hotness, and insecure Brittany decided she needs to be like Cassie. Entering the lab Cassie studied at, she tries to coerce the serum from the nerdy lab partner but eventually accidentally gets a double dose of the serum in her boobs.

So, soon we have two, giant hot chicks which leads to what? Anyone? That’s right: two giant hot chicks fighting in tiny bits of clothing. – all the while, the nerdy lab guy is trying to administer an agent to counteract the effects of the serum. Oh: and a pharmaceutical company is trying to capture Cassie (the back the research in to the serum) for their own reasons.

So, this is a dumb, silly movie – but it is supposed to be. If you enjoy the classic B-Movies of the past then this is for you.

Here is the trailer:

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Tales From the Crypt Presents: Ritual (2001) – Potential Wasted By Not Enough Story

I wanted to like 2001’s Ritual, really. I like Tales From The Crypt, and I like Zombie Films. Unfortunately, I did not like this Tales From the Crypt Zombie Film.

Do you remember the Crypt Keeper from the 1980’s and Early 1990s? Yes? Than you would have expected the Crypt Keeper to introduce a Tales from the Crypt movie… right? Yeah, I expected that also, but guess what? No Crypt Keeper. Alright, not a great start. 

So, the story is about a Doctor, suspended from practicing medicine in the states for two years due to a decision that was forced upon her. She has accepted a position on a mansion in Jamaica, caring for a rich guy that thinks he’s being controlled by dark forces. Jamaican style Voodoo, called Obeah, is being blamed for his illness, while many believe he is just plane crazy.

This is a movie about plotting, revenge, black magic and silly people. It’s a movie where we are treated to seeing the main character’s apparently permanently erect nipple push though her blouse. It’s a movie of brothers – of family betrayal. It’s a movie 30+ minutes too long for the amount of story contained within.

This movie dragged on so long. Take about 30 minutes away and it would be okay.

I say don’t watch this film. It’s not the worst I’ve seen – hell, it’s not even close. Still, it bored me.

I can’t even find the trailer for you folks to watch – sorry. Those of you with Netflix will be able to watch it with no problems if you really feel you need to.


Deep Space (1988) – Better than I Expected – Though I Didn’t Expect Much

I just finished watching the 1988 horror/Science Fiction film, Deep Space and was pleasantly surprised: I expected this to be really bad -it turned out to be mildly o.k. actually.

A secret military experiment has created a bug like living weapon in space – and that experiment has fallen to Earth. The reason the experiment was done in space was due to how dangerous the creature would be if it got loose (plus, to keep it secret, probably). Well, now that’s crashed to Earth, it is now killing everything it comes in contact with – and reproducing. Dectective Ian McLemore (played by consummate ”that guy” actor, Charles Napier) and his partner, Detective Jerry Merris (played by Barney Miller alumni, Ron Glass)  investigate the gruesome killing of a young couple and find some interesting, things at the scene of the crime… thing apparently not of this Earth. Of course they were killed by the creature, released when it crashed to Earth. More people get killed, a hot police woman gets mixed up with McLemore and his unofficial investigation (he gets put on suspension early) and the gonernment/Military try to keep it all under wraps. Oh: and throw in a psychic (played by the always awesome Julie Newmar) and you have this movie.

I initially thought that this film, in some ways reminded me of the film, Biohazard – then I read that the maker of that film made this film too! The creature’s design is definitely inspired by the creatures from the Alien movies (including the young that look so much like the Face Huggers from the Alien movies that I’m surprised the makers of this film weren’t sued over it). The film isn’t great, but I actually expected it to be much worse. Would I recommend it? Well, why the hell not? I mean, I’ve recommended much worse films!

Check out the trailer here: