The Site For B-Movie Lovers

Posts tagged “terrible

Zombie Babies (2011) – No. No! No! No! No!

Okay… so I watched this movie. Yep… I watched this movie.

My very good friend and movie watching buddy suggested we watch this micro budget film (made for less than $1000), after he read a review in Rue Morgue Magazine. Yep… And we watched it.

The gist of the story? A group of freaks are holding a budget “Abortathon” offering very low priced abortions for one night a year. A number of stupid couples decide to take them up on the offer. The babies are aborted, but a leaky still with a special mixture spills out on the pile of dead fetuses, causing them to become murderous, gross zombie creatures. The people that die die in stupid, horrible ways, but that’s okay as you’ll probably end up hating them anyway.

This whole movie should have been aborted.

Good on the makers for making a movie for under $1000, bad on them for making this movie for under $1000.

Don’t watch this piece of shit. If you have to, here’s the shitty trailer for this shitty movie.


Waxworks (1988) – Don’t Waste Your Time

Easiest write up of a movie on this blog so far: This movie is crap and doesn’t deserve a write up – IT SUCKS.

It took me two days to get through the damn thing and I hope I never see it again… An I freakin’ like crappy movies!

A bunch of teenagers get invited to a midnight sneak preview at a creepy waxmiseum – only to be drawn into the exhibits and therefore wax figures themselves. Bad acting, bad script and a bad cast… Surprisingly all this adds up to a bad movie.

If you want to see a good movie revolving around a wax museum then watch Vincent Price’s House of Wax.

Here’s the crappy trailer for this crappy movie:


Outerworld (1987) – Surprise, Surprise, Another Crappy Sci-Fi Film

Not sure what I expected… But I have watched another shitty Sci-fi film that should have been left in the depths of the 1980s.

1987’s Outerworld (also known as Beyond the Rising Moon) is a Sci-Fi romance revenge action film that fails in all those genres (and sub-genres). Starring Tracy Davis as Pentan, a genetically created hired killer that turns against her employer when she starts to question her existence and what she has been forced to do in her work.

Oh, hell was this crappy… but weirdly when I did a search, I actually found someone who loves this movie. Well, there’s no accounting for taste.

Well, I hate this movie but here’s a damned trailer for you!:


Ghoulies (1985) – Why Was This Made?

Just finished watching 1985’s Ghoulies and I’ve been left wondering why this film was made. No compelling actors or performances, the “monsters looked like the Boglins puppets that were available in the 80s (but not as good), and unlike other movies in this genre, there wasn’t even any gratuitous tits or ass.

Ok… A guy, Jonathan, inherits an old mansion, discovers an old book wrapped in some ornate robes. Reads the book, which compels him to perform a ritual, raising a demon/moster thing…and then two midgets/dwarves who do his bidding. All this leads to him becoming possessed in a way. Luring his friends to the home, he performs a bigger ceremony that releases what apparently was his evil, estranged, dead father and the two feebly battle. The caretaker of the house (who is very powerful) commes to the guy’d defence… Yeah, fuck this.

I didn’t like it.

Here is the trailer:


The Crater Lake Monster (1977) – Somebody Give This Monster About Threefiddy…

The Crater Lake Monster is a terrible movie about an ancient Dinosaur that is disturbed when a meteor crashes into the lake. Of course that monster starts eating everyone it can get.

Looks like a Plesiosaur has hatched when it’s ancient egg was warmed when this meteorite crashed and settled on the bottom of crater lake. A fisherman, and a handful of random people become it’s victims. Scientists, already at the lake studying nearby native cave painting (that of course include a painting of hunters trying to kill an aquatic dinosaur, want to study the creature while the local police officer wants it dead.

This movie stars pretty much no one, and the creature is an awkwardly animated beast… There really isn’t a lot going for it.

Wow… Why do I like this movie so much? Because it is funny and cheezy in alkl the right ways. Stupid? Oh you better believe it.

I’m going to past the Wikipedia plot summary for you because I’m not doing it any justice. Here’s what ol’ Wikipedia has to say about this wild ride of a film:

The Crater Lake Monster is a 1977 B-movie horror filmdirected by William R. Stromberg for Crown International Pictures, and starring Richard Cardella. The script was also written by Stromberg and Cardella, and their affiliation withThe Crater Lake Monster marked the zenith of their careers.[1]

The storyline revolves around a giant plesiosaur, akin to theLoch Ness Monster, which appears in Crater Lake, next to a small Oregon town. As people are attacked by the monster, the Sheriff (Cardella) investigates along with a group of scientists in order to stop the creature.

The best thing about this movie has to be the stop motion effects of the creature – much better than I expected (but not great in any way shape or form).

I freakin’ liked it, but I won’t necessarily suggest it, lest you hate it and blame me.

Check out this trailer and you judge for yourself:


Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) – Hard Movie to Watch

I only watched this movie because of a silly clip I saw on Youtube from it. I should have stuck with the clip.

Diamond smugglers, a “contaminated” escaped killer Boa constrictor (a snake), a number of 80’s Playboy Playmates, some cheezeball hunky almost actor dudes and you have this movie. Oh, and lets not for get a killer Frisbee scene. Show tits every 5 – 7 minutes and you have this shitty movie. 

Want to read about the plot and such? Too bad, as you’ll have to elsewhere for that.

Shitty movie – very shitty, but al least the clip I originally saw still makes me laugh. 

Here is that clip:


They Came From Beyond Space (1967) – Boring British Sci-Fi

A British Sci-Fi film from 1967, They Came from Beyond Space is a lack lustre, uninspired flick that barely kept my attention.

The premise is that what seem to meteors fall to earth. When they are investigated by top scientists, those scientists become controlled by another, alien intelligence that puts them to work on a plan to build ships to help these Aliens to return to their original planet. One scientist is not affected as he has a silver plate in his skull from surgery after a car accident – the plate interferes with the mind control method used by these aliens. This scientist leads the battle against the aliens. Add a plague that makes peoplk seem dead, so that the aliens can take the bodies to the moon where they are revived and used as slaves.

There you go – that is They Came From Beyond Space. Should you watch it? You decide. It is freely available as it has slipped into the public domain.

Here is a clip:

And here is the whole movie:


Starcrash (1978) – Did They Mis-Spell Starcrap?

Ah, Italian Sci-Fi movies or Spaghetti Sci-Fi as I like to refer to them – a special kind of bad movies, and Starcrash is one of those. Released shortly after Star Wars took the world by storm and attempting to ride on it’s coat tails, Starcrash fails in almost every way as a movie. That was expected, though.

A couple of smugglers, the scantily clad Stella Star (played by Caroline Munroe) whos is apparently one of the best space pilots (and ass kickers) and Akton (played by Marjoe Gotner) are forced to search for the Galactic Emperor’s only son, Simon (Played surprisingly by David Hasselhoff  – the Galactic Emperor is played by Christopher Plummer) who was lost when the ship he was on was hit by a beam that made the crew turn insane. They are tracking three  escape pods to three different planets – of course each planet full of a different kind of danger. Throw in a faithful, powerful robot companion, Elle (played by Hamilton Camp), and you have the making of a cast and crew. There’s also a fair amount of bad stop motion animation with some of the evil robotic enemies – always enjoyable.

Stella’s companion Akton has several super powers (like seeing the future and restoring life) and the Emperor’s son Simon has a light sword that he uses to defeat some of those aforementioned bad robots.  

There’s a big bad guy, Count Zarth (played by Joe Spinell) who is behind all the trouble.

The rest is cheeze – pure cheeze.

This one I have to say is a must watch – terrible but a must watch. It’s too dumb not to be – plus it is available for free on Youtube as an episode of  Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Caroline Munro looks hot (as usual – in her 1970’s way, that is), and this is just pure fun.

Check out a clip here:

Watch the whole movie here (with cheezy comentary via Mystery Science 3000):


Zontar – the Thing From Venus (1966) – A Schlockfest – But it’s Free

Oh, this is another bad, Public Domain Sci-Fi movie I found of the Internet Archive. There really aren’t many redeeming values to this movie other that it’s campiness and silly creature design. It’s god bad acting galore and next to no busget – I think it fits on this page perfectly.

So, the US has launched a Laser satellite that Zontar, the thing from Venus needs to complete his plan to come to Earth and take over human kind. One scientist is working to help Zontar (under the belief that Zontar means to help mankind) and another scientist works to thwart Zontar’s plans. Throw in the military, some rocket scientists (including one played by Jeff Alexander – star and antagonist of Curse of the Swamp Creature – another terrible film I spotlighted here on this blog a few weeks ago).

I’m not going to spend much time on this film other than to say that it is one of many films available freely and legally as it has lapsed into the public domain: watch, copy and distribute it to your heart’s content – no one owns it any more). Was it good? Oh, hell no. Was it watchable? Well, I watched it. Should you watch it? Hey, that’s up to you. If you want, the whole damn thing is available here:

http://archive.org/details/Zontar_Thing_From_Venus


Curse of The Swamp Creature (1966) – Bad… So Bad.

I’m not 100% sure why, but I just finished watching the interestingly bad 1966 movie, Curse of The Swamp Creature is about a scientist, Dr. Simon Trent working with reptiles (crocodiles to be accurate) forcing forward and backward evolution, as well as applying what he learns on humans. He creates a Swamp Creature (bet you didn’t expect that) – a man/fish beast with the ability to breathe under water and of course a homicidal nature. Throw in a conniving woman and her cohorts, frightened and suspicious natives and you almost have a movie. The Swamp Creature itself is so freakin’ ridiculous looking that it in itself may be reason enough to watch this movie – but probably not. 

This movie has some stunningly bad acting  (especially that of the scientist, Simon Trent), and a weak script. The concept though is at least semi-original. I can see why one might find a reason to watch it just for those reasons alone… But this really is a terribly bad film that you probably don’t need to see. I really wouldn’t recommend this to anyone other than someone really dedicated to watching bad B-Movies, but it is public domain and therefore is free and legal to watch online and to distribute as you see fit. It’s only 80 minutes long, so if you do decide to watch it, it will be over quick.

Here’s a clip:

Here is the link to the entire movie on Youtube:


Alien Apocalypse (2005) – Only Watch If You Like Bruce Campbell

Ok… This movie really sucks. I liked it because Bruce Campbell is in it, but that is about it. Made in 2005 simultaneously with The Man With the Screaming Brain (also 2005, and also with Bruce Campbell), and both were presented to the Sci-Fi Channel. Sci-Fi purchased one of the two (I don’t know for sure which one – I believe this one), and the other went right to DVD. This movie was filmed in Sofia, Bulgaria and most of the secondary actors did not speak English, and dialogue dubbed over later. This feels so much like a made for TV production (which it is), that I felt cheaper for watching it…kinda’.

The premise is that Humans have been enslaved by an Ant-like alien race. A group of astronauts, in space for 40 or so years, return and attempt to destroy the alien’s grasp on humanity. The Aliens are here to take Earth’s trees – they like wood I guess), and humanity has been enslaved to work in Concentration camp Lumberyards.

Yeah… These aliens are wimps and easily enough foiled. That’s enough – This film doesn’t deserve any more of a description.

Watch it if you like…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvIa4o38dJ0

Here’s the trailer:


Stan Helsing – Don’t Bother

Watched the Monster Movie Spoof, Stan Helsing last night… and mostly wish I hadn’t.

I really enjoy a funny spoof at the best (and worst of times), and am very forgiving of bad movies (hence this blog), but this movie was for the most part boring. There were a few laughs, and really, I watch at least two movies a week that make this look like a masterpiece…but it was boring. Unoffensive, but boring. I can forgive a lot in a movie but please don’t bore me.

Mostly a cast of unknowns (to me, at least), Leslie Nielsen makes a cameo (as a woman…kind of), and I think starring a pair of big breasts and two nice butts (mostly the only thing that kept me awake enough to finish the movie), and some guy that looks weirdly a lot like a friend of mine, Miles as Stan Helsing – the reluctant Monster Slayer.

Only watch this if you have to watch all the spoof movies…

Check out the trailer below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlrff_wWEn0


Troll 2 – A Serious Contender For Worst Movie I have Ever Seen

I watched Troll 2 back on Friday, April 20, 2012 and I am still shaking my head at it. I had heard for years that this was one of the worse movies ever made, but somehow I had not watched it yet. Released in 1990, and despite being called “Troll 2” there are no Trolls in the movie, or even mentioned. The movie is full of Goblins, and has absolutely no connection to the original movie, Troll.

The reason the movie piqued my interest is because I recently watched a documentary about the film called “The Best Worst Movie” (http://bestworstmovie.com/) which reunites the cast and director to discuss their experiences making the film and what they are up to now – a fun, documentary about a pathetic movie. I just had to watch it after that.

The story (if you can call it that) is about a family that are taking part of a holiday home swap with a family from a town called “Nilbog.” When they arrive they find a strange town filled with strange people. The family’s son is tipped off to the evil lurking in Nilbog by his dead Grandfather, and he must find a way to save his family.

Bad, bad, bad movie, but I am glad I watched it. Only watch this if you truly enjoy watching bad movies for bad movies sake.  

Check out the film’s trailer here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KCct4RwLNM